Anti Bullying Week - Have you ever bullied someone?

Emma_

It's day 4 of Anti Bullying Week!

We've shared experiences of being bullied, and now we're going to focus on the other side - sharing experiences of bullying someone. This might be a difficult conversation to have, but it's important.

Keep in mind that most of us will have had at least one-off moments where we can say we bullied someone. In fact, Ditch The Label recently found out that half of us have bullied someone at least once.

It's also important to note that nobody is inherently a bully. Bullying is a behaviour, not an identity. This conversation is about understanding that behaviour - not about judgement. This is a safe space

If you'd rather post under a new account to share your story, that's okay - we'll lift the multiple accounts rule for this discussion only. It's important everyone feels able to share.
Our usual rules apply for all other threads

Have you ever bullied someone? And if so, what happened and what made you do it?

Former Member

I am ashamed to say this but in the past I have been a bully and bullied someone. This happened a couple of years ago but it is something that I will always remember because I know that it was wrong of me and I have learnt to be a better person. There was a girl in my year who I used to call an unkind name. I have learnt my lesson from this, apologised to the victim and now we are friends. There is no excuse for why it happened but it mainly came down to a lack of understanding.

Former Member

It takes a lot of courage for people to admit if they are bullying someone. It might look like people who have been a bully don't care about what they have done but many bullies eventually learn to change their ways and use their experiences to improve as a person or to help people.

Dancer

This is a great discussion @Emma_ It can be really scary for people to open up but The Mix are very understanding of sensitive issues and are happy to give people another chance.

Past User

Yep and I feel awful about it. It started in S1. I joined a few days late so felt like everyone already had a head start in making friends.

Mam and dad was unavailable so my social worker took me to school on my first day (UGHHHH). She came into the office and was talking to the receptionist about booking an appointment to talk to my head of house. My head of house came down and stood in the doorway and had a conversation with my social worker about me and ugh, i felt like everyone passing could hear.

Anyways I had made eye contact with one of the fellas passing and it just so happened that he was in my next class. I was scared that he was gonna ask questions or make fun of me so I got in first and was an absolute tit to him. 

The teacher wanted to sit me next to him and I refused. She asked why and I couldn’t think of anything so I just said he stinks.  I got kicked out of lesson and I felt awful but I was just nasty to him whenever I seen him.

I used to be vile to him in PE, he’s not very sporty so I’d kick off if ever he was put on our team and tbf I just made him feel like rubbish and I had no right to do that. 

I made friends with others pretty quickly and unfortunately they picked up on my disliking to him and they joined in with the name calling and he got bullied by lots of people and it was my fault.

It went on for probably 6 months until he was sat next to be in the library and he asked me why I hated him so much. I remember my heart dropping and was about ready to cry because I’m not the type of person to hate someone. I didn’t say anything purely because I was embarrassed about my behaviour.

But aye I bullied someone and it was just because of my own insecurities. I bullied him so that he didn’t bully me. Looking back, I don’t think I had actually realised that I was bullying him until he asked why I hated him and I had time to reflect on my behaviour.

He’s the nicest guy ever too, we’re good friends now and idk what life would be like without him. 

We can joke about it now and there’s no hard feelings which is nice

Maisy

I may have bullied someone when I was a child. I can't really remember it much but I felt they were annoying so I may have been rude or lashed out at them. I never really saw them much but sometimes, I think about them and wonder how they are. I would say sorry if I had the chance.

I try and pay close attention to how I feel. I've noticed that I sometimes develop strong feelings of dislike towards certain people. And every single time, do you know what? It was actually because they either reminded me of myself, how I used to be, how I wished to be, or just generally feel insecure/threatened by them (again down to my insecurities). It was never actually about them but me. I rarely show my feelings towards them and actually try to do the opposite- I try to get to know them a bit or just observe them. I realise they are human and have their own problems. I've also learned to focus on myself- sometimes I may feel jealous at others but then I focus inwards on myself and my life and try and take steps to accomplish things that I want in life, rather than focusing outwards, comparing and having negative thoughts.

I also think that learning about minorities, especially those that often face bullying and discrimination, has helped me to be more compassionate and empathetic too.