distancing from friends purposely

So, recently i have found myself distancing myself from my friends, i haven't been responding to them, i haven't went out anywhere with them in over a month, at the moment i am not doing great so i think that is impacting the drift from them significantly. I just don't want to talk to anyone or socialise with them at all. I know that the drift is all my fault and that i have caused this, but i have no motivation to try and talk to them or go out whatsoever. I just find that socialisation just feels more like a chore, and something that really takes a significant amount of energy, which i currently lack. Is anyone else going through this at the moment?

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Comments

Former Member

Hey @Past User

Sounds like what you're going through is really tough, but the fact you're aware of what you're doing is a healthy sign that you can react to it slightly. I have been through this myself, and have also had people really close to me experience the same thing.

You say that you don't have much energy to do many things at the moment. Even though you're losing motivation/inspiration to keep in touch with your friends, are there other activities (E.g. food, exercising, sleeping, reading or listening to music) that you do still have the energy for?

It can't have been easy to post this, so be kind to yourself and accept that what you did by posting this was a brave thing and that it took strength. The Mix is a place where you can always come to voice your thoughts, and you will always be listened to. There will always be support for you on the Mix

Former Member

Thank you so much @JamJar

I haven't had much motivation to eat or read unfortunately, my mum has been really supportive recently though with making me food to try and eat, and with getting me support. I haven't been in school this week, and its looking like i might not be going back for a while until i try and get better. I would like to thank you for being supportive, and kind even though you don't have to. I really appreciate it. Thank you

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I'm pleased to hear that your mum has been really supportive, with making you food for you to try and eat and with getting you support. You really do deserve to feel supported

It would be good to hear how you get on with any support you receive, only if you would like to share this with us of course!

You mention you don't think you will be back at school for a little why, until you try and get better. I'd like to wish you the very best of luck with your journey to feeling better again. I think it's great that you are so aware of the way you are feeling, and recognise the importance of taking time to truly focus on yourself

It's been a week or so since you posted this, I'm wondering how things have been for you?

If you would ever like to chat to us here about anything, even if just for some general company, you are more than welcome to! We really do care

Former Member

Hey @coc0mac

Thank you so much for your kind message, this week I actually had an interview for a college course and I now have a conditional for the course, I just need to do a few more things for it to turn into an unconditional. That's good news I guess. The course is Criminology and social science, which is a topic I'm really interested in, so that's good.

I'm still not going out or seeing my friends at the moment, so that's not good, my mum keeps arguing with me about it, which I understand but it's quite annoying to be having the same arguments with her.

Thanks so much for your support.

Former Member

Heyyy @Past User

Congratulations on the conditional offer, that's super exciting!

It's also great to hear how supportive your mum is generally being - even though the two of you are arguing over you not seeing your friends. When you say you're have the same arguments about the no friends thing, why do you think your mum keeps on wanting to bring it up?

Azziman

Congrats on the conditional offer!

@Past User

Former Member

Hi @JamJar

Thank you so much!

I think she keeps bringing it up because she is worried that soon I'll have no friends. I actually seen my friends recently once to try it out because my mum was pressuring me into seeing them, and I didn't want to disappoint her even more, but it was miserable. I hated every minute of it, and I know that makes me sound horrible, trust me I feel horrible. I'm not the same, and my friendship with the two of them isn't the same. I feel like I just don't get on with people anymore. I haven't felt like seeing people recently, and I feel like that's never going to change. I just don't have an urge to have friends at all, or talk to people. I know that's really shitty of me.

Former Member

Thank you so much @Azziman

lovemimoon

Hey @Past User

This is a late post but I understand what you're going through. I often find myself not really wanting to socialise with my friends and that's always been an issue with my relationships. I even lost friends because of this. It helps to talk to them about it. Arrange breaks when you find yourself lacking the energy to socialise. That should give you enough time to recharge.

You're not a shitty person at all. From what I see, you might be the type of person who values their own space and that's okay. And sometimes, it's difficult to navigate that when you have an active social life.

I hope everything has been okay since you've posted this.

Former Member

Hi @lovemimoon

Thanks for the reply, yeah i'm the same, when it comes to socialisation with friends I'm really bad at it. I rarely feel the need to socialise with others I think this is partly because I am introvert, but I don't know why I never feel the need to have friends because I feel like everyone else enjoys having friends and relationships. It's not a personal thing either because my two friends are great, supportive people, however I just lack the drive to be around others who aren't my immediate family (like the family I live with). It's like my social battery is constantly 0.

A lot has changed since i initially posted this, I am still friends with my two friends, and one of them especially has been very supportive recently when I had something to tell her. I still feel the same though, I just don't feel the need for friends all the time, and I feel as though I don't fit in a lot of the time and that I am weird compared to them for various reasons. I don't know if i'll ever really be a sociable person. I prefer to do things alone and prefer my own company (I know how lame that sounds lmao).

Thanks so much for the response, hope you are doing well too!

lovemimoon

That's completely understandable!

Some relationships are hard to maintain cos there's a clash of social needs. Some people get their energy from socialisation, and some people find it okay, some find it demanding. And it can be difficult to meet that demand if you run on 0 social battery. If you prefer your own company, that's fine. As long as you got friends that support you!

Tbh, everyone is sociable, one way or another. Some just need their time to adjust. Maybe you're someone who doesn't really talk unless you've really gotten to know that person, and that's okay. At the end of the day, everyone has different social needs, it's just the case of understanding boundaries and knowing your limits.

Former Member

I agree with @lovemimoon, I think everyone is sociable in their own way. I like to look at it like the Sims needs bars. When my social bar is low I'll make a big effort to see friends or call up a family member, chat to someone etc. But everyones needs are different and it's totally okay if your bar stays full for a long time even when you're on your own.

Making social plans in advance that I can't get out of sometimes helps me when I don't feel like socialising, and I always enjoy it when I go. Just remember if you don't enjoy it you don't have to do it! Do what's best for you not what's best for anyone else.

I hope you are both loving your social lives no matter how they look, @Past User and @lovemimoon!