Coming out didn't go so Well. I Need Help and Advice.

Former Member

. Hey GuysA little about myself. I'm from Kenya in Africa. I came out about 5 months ago. Being in a country that hasn't yet legalized same sex marriage and relations, this wasn't a really good idea. But i was fed up with all the hiding and lying to my folks and siblings. So i just decided it was time and just as expected i was met with so much negativity and backlash. My mom didn't even wanna see me and my dad didn't react and my siblings being older and married were disappointed. I was treated like an outsider and my mom even informed the extended family . Idek know why. Damn it was hard. I ended up talking to my dad one night and he opened up about how he had no issue with me being queer but he just didn't want my mum to know. I promised not to say a word and my dad decided that it was better i move from home to reduce the tension. I left home but my mum thought i had ran away . Only Dad knew where i was and continued to send me money for upkeep. Then he got into an accident and i was forced to come back home. The truth about my dad supporting came to light and now we became outcasts. Even my dad just because he supported me for being a lesbian. So my dad ,whose my only support system is in hospital , during his treatment they found tumors around his colon. So he has to go in for surgery on July 30th. With only me by his side. I can't even afford his bills. My family and extended family resent us and won't even talk. Mum has already filed for a divorce. Talk about a snowball effect. I started an online fundraiser for my dad its still ongoing till July 31 but that is not going too well too. I don't know what else to do for real. It's too much too handle mahn.

Former Member

Welcome to The Mix @Past User. You've done really well in reaching out and speaking about how you feel here. Just a little reminder that The Mix is a UK site, so often when you see advice, information, and links to charities and helplines they will only be relevant to our users in the UK. That doesn't mean you can't use these forums, but something to keep in mind when people make suggestions.

I won’t pretend to know what you are going through, growing up as a lesbian in a country where it is illegal to be who you are must have been incredibly difficult. You showed great strength and power when you made the decision to come out, and you’ve shown even greater strength by having the courage to share your experience here and ask for help.

It might not mean much, but I think you are incredibly brave and strong for having the courage to come out in the face of potential oppression.

It sounded like your dad was okay with you being queer. I’m glad someone close to you was able to support you, at least partly. I’m sorry to hear that your dad has been hospitalised. It must be tough for someone you rely on for support and help to be in hospital. From what you’ve said, it must be hard for both you and your dad to be treated like outcasts. 

I’m afraid I don’t know much about Kenya and the support you can receive, so I’ll only be able to give you suggestions for where to begin your search. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you need to pay for hospital visits in Kenya. Is there any financial help you could access? You can try doing an internet search for charities and organisations in Kenya that might be able to support you. 

Let us know how you are getting on

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I can see it's been a little while since you posted this, so I wanted to check up on how you are doing at the moment? 

I wanted to echo what @Jordan has said - perfectly put And although, as Jordan said, many of our suggestions for support services will be UK based, in terms of support on the boards we are absolutely here to talk to, always. We really care about you and you deserve to have an outlet where you can share your thoughts, feelings and situation - and we are right here to listen. 

Take good care - it would be good to hear how you are getting on 

Former Member

Hi,

It has been a while since your original post, so I hope both you and your father and doing well and staying healthy. I just wanted to say how incredibly brave it was of you to come out as a lesbian, and that despite your family's reactions (apart from your father), there are so many people who support who you are and do not think of you any differently because of your sexuality.
With your father's medical bills and situation, I hope your fundraiser is going well if you feel comfortable enough there are various social platforms you could promote your cause on whilst remaining anonymous, if that is something you would consider I'm more than happy to guide you.
Please reach out if you need an outlet or someone to talk to about anything, both you and your fathers bravery and support for one another is admirable, please look after yourself and good luck

AislingDM

This is such an incredibly kind and thoughtful response @gracex174 . I can tell you're a really kind and compassionate person and the fact that you're showing such support in this way really is amazing. Sometimes people really need to hear warming messages like this later down the line.

Just thought I'd mention that we typically don't really reply to threads/posts that are old just because it can sometimes bring up difficult memories for the original poster, especially if they are no longer in that situation anymore. Of course I know you are just showing your support, so please don't think you've done anything wrong, it's clear that you're a very helpful and encouraging person and I'm very glad we have you here on The Mix xx