Avoiding social situations because of ex

Former Member

So I've spoke on here before about my breakup and how it's been affecting me.

I want people's reassurance that what I am doing is normal and probably the best thing.

So since my ex and I have mutual friends there is going to be times between now and September (before we all go back to uni) that plans will mean we're both invited to stuff. This is happening today, so I've decided not to go see them as I am still getting over my ex and quite frankly don't want to see her.

I was the one who didn't want the relationship to end so she will always have the upper hand in terms of that. So I am avoiding situations where I will see her to make sure I don't go back to the start, as I've made good progress trying to move on so far.

I saw my friends last week (it was just the lads) and that was fine because she wasn't there and I made it clear that anything she is involved in I probably won't be there, and they were understanding of that. So that was nice to get that out, but I still feel FOMO about today and definitely will with other situatins like it.

How do I help my FOMO? Because I've had it all my life.

Also, there will be chances for me to socialise with the lad friends (so my ex and the other girls of the group won't be there), but of course it still makes me sad that it's come to this where I don't want to do something because my ex will be there.

And just to be clear, I won't attempt to try and do things when she is there, so there is no point suggesting I do. But it doesn't stop me feeling like I am missing out. It's just something I'll have to live with.

JustV

I want people's reassurance that what I am doing is normal and probably the best thing.

If it's what you need, @TiredSquirrel, it's normal and probably the best thing. I don't see anything unreasonable about what you've said; it's perfectly healthy to want that space for yourself.

It's tricky to know what to suggest with regard to FOMO, though. I can understand your predicament and maybe someone else can give better advice on it. Is there any room for you to proactively plan stuff with the friends you do want to spend time with, being clear that your ex isn't invited?

Former Member

It's good that you have a group of supportive and understanding friends around you, @TiredSquirrel, who seem to want to help you as best as you can. I agree with @Mike that it's good to get some space for yourself and set clear boundaries like this.

It sounds like you've already made it clear to your close friends that you don't plan on attending things where your ex will be, so I imagine they will keep that in mind when making plans with you. It's hard to say what will help with FOMO, but the one bit of advice I found helpful and have to sometimes remind myself of is that we can't be everywhere at all times. It's normal that we won't be able to attend every event or gathering, and there's nothing wrong with us missing out on some things!

Have you seen your friends since? It's just my opinion but I suppose the best way to get over FOMO would be to be proactive in making plans with the people you do want to hang out with.

Former Member

@Mike & @Jordan

Thanks for your replies. They are very helpful and nice to hear. I do intend on doing things with those friends excluding my ex so that is ok, I just can't help but feel sad and left out when there are times I have to avoid due to my ex being there. But I suppose that's life.

Azziman

Hey

Of course you'll want some time to yourself to process what's happened and move forward. But the others probably know that something's up when you suddenly don't turn up to meet ups any more. You want to stay with friends, so keep in mind to stay in touch with them while you take some time away, and that you'll be back with them soon - they're missing you as much as you're missing them! Being able to go back without making things awkward between you and your ex is the sign of maturity that will really help you to go back to your friends without feeling weird