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Help! I think I'm different
Former Member
Posts: 2 Newbie
Hi, so this is really hard as I've never spoken out about it before but I've really been struggling to cope with the things in my head. For years I've struggled to control these thoughts and I cant do it anymore. I want a relationship with more than one person. I have a partner, weve been together for 3 years. My last partner and I broke up because I wanted to be open to more then just the two of us. It's not about sex. I dont want random hook ups with different people, I just want more than one steady relationship. Ideally with both men living with me. Is this normal? How do I deal with this? I'm so confused. I dont want to ruin the relationship that I have, but I also want to know if this is what I want. I dont know what to do.
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You're really brave for speaking out! I know how difficult it can be to speak up about personal topics, so I'm really proud of you for doing so.
There is actually a name for what you desire, and it's umbrella term is polyamory. You might take comfort in knowing that there are many others in relationships like this, and you might like to research some charities (such as Polyamory UK) that offer more information on this
Love is Love. And communication is important in any relationship, particularly a polyamorous one. I'd suggest that you be open with your current partner about your feelings, get his thoughts and maybe you can consider some next steps together?
I hope this helps, and I'm sure there will be other people in The Mix community able to offer some advice, information and personal experiences for you.
All the best x
This is indeed known as polyamory.
Now I don't have any experience of having a polyamorous relationship as I am myself monogamous but I have many poly friends and know quite a bit. I'll get some links that may help and I might make a post today about the difference between the two
This is not only educational but also has lots of tips and advice https://www.healthline.com/health/polyamorous
If you're googling try and Identify the helpful posts some are out there saying negative things so remember it's not cheating! As long as all parties are aware and it's consensual it's fine x
The struggle is with your current relationship I think maybe you should have a good think about it all and make a decision.
How do you think they will react?
If you're not sure maybe have a good read into it and have a nice long think.
If you're sure it's what you want or maybe you're still confused have a talk about it with them and explain what's on your mind?
Well done for reaching out
It's not 'normal', in the sense that the overwhelming majority of people believe in monogamous relationships. That's not to say that it's 'wrong', but understand that most people will disagree with you if you propose this. There's a community of people that do engage in this though, so maybe that's a place for you x
@BenMa provided some really great advice and resources there, so I won't rehash those. I'll just add that polyamory is not as obscure as a lot of people think. Something like one fifth of people in Britain engage in polyamory, whether that's having multiple, casual partners or being in multiple committed relationships. Polyamory takes many shapes and forms, all completely valid.
It's wonderful that you're being so open about this! Like BenMa says, communication is key in polyamorous relationships just as in any other. Talking to your current partner, delving into personal stories from other poly people and deciding how to move forward together sound like they could be good next steps for you.
Please feel free to continue posting in this thread - I'm sure there are a few poly people here at The Mix willing to lend their support.
Good luck with everything