Coming out

Former Member

Hey Everyone,
I'm just looking for some advice. I've met this amazing lad online who makes me so happy and who I really like (one good thing to come from this horrible and uncertain time). We are planning to meet up once this is all over and we both really like each other and want to spend time together.

I'm just worried about a few things. He is 18 & I'm 22. Although we are both adults I'm worried about if we will work together due to the age gap and also what people will think.

Also I'm bisexual, and I'm worried about coming out to my parents and my family. A few friends know and have been really supportive bit I just don't want to upset my family and I don't know how they will react. They are not homophobic or anything, buts it's just I won't be able to undo what I say to them when I tell them and I want them to be happy and happy for me.

I'm just looking for some advice if anyone has any. 

Thanks

Scott

Former Member

Hi @scottyjones98

It is lovely to hear that you have met someone that makes you happy and that is the most important! It must be a great feeling to have someone to have a good conversation with at this strange and unusual time. It will keep you busy and allow the time to pass when at home! 

I do not think the age gap is something you should worry about, like you said you are both adults and are both capable of an adult relationship. As long as you are both happy and get along age is only a number  & it is too early to worry about something like this until you spend time together. 

Firstly, I would like to let you know that you should always focus on being in the moment. Live in the present wisely and earnestly and try not to worry about the future. This is always the secret to happiness 

Sometimes we care too much about what others think because of how society works unfortunately. I am sure your parents will be very supportive and understanding. You should speak to them whenever you feel ready to do so, do not pressure yourself. You are young and have so many good things waiting ahead of you. 

Enjoy your life and don't let others thoughts or pressures hold you back! 



Buse 

Former Member

Hi @scottyjones98
So pleased that hear that you've met someone who makes you happy, it's important especially during this difficult time to find and focus on things that bring us joy. 

Sometimes people aren't the most understanding of age gaps so I understand your worries, however as @Past User says, I agree that what's important is how you both know that you're adults and that the thing that really matters is what you both think. 

I'm glad to hear that your friends have been supportive of you coming out and it's normal to be worried about coming out to your family and your parents. You mentioned that you were especially worried about anything you said that couldn't be undone. It might help in that situation to write everything you want to say before hand and ask your parents to just listen and not say anything until you've said everything you need to, so you're prepared with what you want them to know and are in a position to get everything out that you'd like to say. I'm wondering as well if it might help also to ask a friend who you've already told to listen to what you want to say first so you can practice what you want to say. 

It's understandable that it can be a scary experience and I agree that you shouldn't put pressure on yourself or take any from anyone else and talk to them whenever you're ready to do so. 

 I hope this helps and we are always here for you. 

Former Member

Hi @scottyjones98

It's so lovely to hear that you're happy and it sounds like a really exciting time for you (it's so nice to hear some good news at the moment!). I think both Buse and Gemma's advice is really helpful. I just wanted to share an article that we have on The Mix about coming out:
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/gender-and-sexuality/how-to-come-out-3741.html

There is also some great advice on Stonewall's website here https://www.youngstonewall.org.uk/get-support/coming-out-lgbt

Take your time, there is no pressure to do/say anything until you feel ready. We are all here for you

JustV

Just a heads up @scottyjones98 that I deleted the duplicate thread over in Gender & Sexuality. It's best to only post something once to avoid confusion over multiple threads.

I've also moved this one to Gender & Sexuality because it fits a bit better here. The reason I kept this one (even though it was in Sex & Relationships) is because it had more responses and I wanted to preserve those. I hope that makes sense and it's too confusing!

I also copied a post from that other conversation from @Distraction to repost here:

Hi!

First off, the age gap isn't bad at all, it's only four years, it might seem a bit bad because he is still in his teens but four years is okay don't sweat it

As for telling family, I'm not to sure, I still haven't told my family a few things and don't know how to break it to them, I think you just got to find a good time when everyone is relaxed, maybe you want to tell them separately or together, when your out for a walk or in that car, you are in control of this, take your time.

I hope this helps, you are strong x 

Azziman

Heya

I don't think the age gap is much of a problem - 4 years is pretty normal as relationships go! As for coming out, I think it's always a really tricky thing to do, and I think you have to accept that not everyone is going to accept it/be happy with it. Those that do accept it will support you though, and that's what matters. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst x