My Girlfriend is pregnant. Am I wrong for not wanting to be involved?

Former Member

My (16m), soon to be ex, gf (15) is pregnant and has decided to keep the baby. I have decided I do not want to be involved in the babys life. Am I wrong for this?

UK

Found out she's pregnant a few weeks ago. The condom slipped off, she lied to me about having a contraceptive coil. She also refused to have the day after pill, claiming she couldn't for medical reasons, as it turns out she could of. She often encouraged me to have unprotected sex, saying i should just "cum inside her" and that she'd have an abortion, I refused.

She has now decided to keep the baby without any consultation and is 100% fixed in her view.

I'm planning to break up with her soon once I've got legal advice. I feel I've been very responsible and gf has been extremely irresponsible, I suspect she may have intended to get pregnant (she's denied this).

Just got off the phone with a family support organisation. Woman on the phone essentially told me I'm not taking this seriously and I could be in big trouble for having intercourse with someone under 16. She told me that regardless of how a child comes into this world, the biological parents are responsible for it.

As I understand it, the law isn't as black and white as that and a 15&16yo sexual relationship is fine. I also feel the latter statement is wrong, for example in cases of rape. 

I personally feel that having sex under highly deceptive circumstances withdrawls consent, making me not responsible for this baby. Just like if a mechanic said they fixed a car when in reality they didn't (knowing full well the car is dangerous), if the car then comes into an accident the soley responsible person is that mechanic.

(I am getting the support I need through other organisations & family, I just want to know the communities opinion.)

Am I wrong for not feeling responsible for this child?

Am I wrong for having sex with a girl under 16? Despite the fact she's just a year younger than me.

Former Member

Well, I did write something but i thought it came across as a bit harsh so i'll give you my short opinion.

You had sex with this girl, you made her pregnant so you are the father. There is nothing which is going to take that away. When you have sexual intercourse you are always playing with fire, not all contraceptives are effective.

Also, the law very clearly states that a person must be 16 years old to be able to legally consent to sex. The age gap may only be little but this girl was underage and you should not have had sex with her in the first place. 

Sorry buddy but if it was me in your shoes, I'd be stepping up and becoming a father to my child.

Former Member

Eli said:

Well, I did write something but i thought it came across as a bit harsh so i'll give you my short opinion.

You had sex with this girl, you made her pregnant so you are the father. There is nothing which is going to take that away. When you have sexual intercourse you are always playing with fire, not all contraceptives are effective.

Also, the law very clearly states that a person must be 16 years old to be able to legally consent to sex. The age gap may only be little but this girl was underage and you should not have had sex with her in the first place. 

Sorry buddy but if it was me in your shoes, I'd be stepping up and becoming a father to my child.

I feel this is like saying "every time you drive a car you're playing with fire". If a mechanic tells you they've installed a safety device when they know they haven't, If you then get injured as a result of failure of that safety device, are you at fault? No. The sole responsible person is the mechanic. Not safety device is 100% effective, but the mechanic is still the only person at fault.

I'm not in a position to become a father anyways. I've discussed this with a councilor and my girlfriend (a meeting I set up). My circumstances absolutely do not allow it, she's decided to continue with the pregnancy regardless. I feel that if it's fair that she chooses on abortion it's fair I choose on my involvement. Especially as this baby would not be here had she not been so irresponsible and had she not lied to me.

Former Member

Ultimately, what i am saying is there are consequences for everything you do and your consequence for having sex when you aren't ready for a baby was.... a baby.  When you get into a car, there's a risk of crashing whether you wear your seat belt or not, there is always a risk . I don't think you're looking at this the right way... this isn't a car, this is a vulnerable human baby and a girl that you got pregnant.

I personally believe in pro choice and if this young girl wants to keep the baby then that is absolutely her right and i also believe that you have a right to either stay or leave but personally, i'd stay and work my arse off to provide for them both. That is not to judge you for leaving though, it's just my opinion and what i would do.

Please stop calling her irresponsible, you were the person having sex with an underage girl so you were the person who was irresponsible in this situation. There's laws for a reason.

Former Member

Eli said:

Ultimately, what i am saying is there are consequences for everything you do and your consequence for having sex when you aren't ready for a baby was.... a baby.  When you get into a car, there's a risk of crashing whether you wear your seat belt or not, there is always a risk . I don't think you're looking at this the right way... this isn't a car, this is a vulnerable human baby and a girl that you got pregnant.

I personally believe in pro choice and if this young girl wants to keep the baby then that is absolutely her right and i also believe that you have a right to either stay or leave but personally, i'd stay and work my arse off to provide for them both. That is not to judge you for leaving though, it's just my opinion and what i would do.

Please stop calling her irresponsible though, you were the person having sex with an underage girl so you were the person who was irresponsible in this situation. There's laws for a reason.

The law should not always be used as a black and white textbook of what's "responsible" and what's not. Personally I feel that lying about contraception, refusing to see a GP about getting the day after pill and encouraging raw sex and for me to finish inside her is much more irresponsible than having sex with a girl a year younger than me.

 If a 15 year old boy raped a 16 year old girl would you then say "nobody is at fault because neither could consent"?

Azziman

I'd definitely get legal advice before doing anything. I appreciate that you have your views and details of the story, but there are two laws that aren't up for debate here:

1) The age of consent is 16, regardless of how old the other participants are. If one of you was under the age, then it is considered illegal.
2) You are the biological father. This can act as a strong case for child maintenance, although this accounts for your financial situation.

At the end of the day, you and the girl have got yourself into this situation, so now you have to find a solution, whether that's together or against each other. Help is on hand, either way, so make use of it and hopefully you get a reasonable outcome for you

Skive

Old enough and responsible enough to have sex? Then you're old enough and respsonsible enough to deal with the consequnces.