--TW-- I'M NOT OK!!!!!
GreenTea
Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
I feel like a failure, nothing short of a burden. I feel like my mental health has taken a deep dive. Nobody cares either. I reach out to others to talk to them and they come up with excuses not to be able to talk to me. I opened up to a charity saying I felt suicidal and all I got was "breathe you can get through this". Can I? Can I really get through something when I've got nobody by me to support me. I'm really struggling with intrusive thoughts daily. Struggling with the urges to injure myself, I've become restrictive on my eating again. I just feel like a nobody. Like I'm going to end my life and just be a statistic and everyone is going to pretend to be my best friend. When in reality, they were never there. I find myself constantly messaging and support others. I'm constantly making an effort, and the one time I need someone to care, nobody is there.
I feel so unwanted, I feel so unloved. I'm tired of fighting everything alone and just once, want someone to acknowledge that I'm not ok. I AM NOT OK... everyone always expects me to be fine and just get on with life. But I can't anymore. I really can't. I am struggling more than I ever have and not one person cares and it's so horrible.
Part of me wants to die so it can all stop. Part me wants to die so I don't have to struggle alone anymore.
April is such a hard month due to truama and I've tried to reach out and talk but everyone runs.. I get labelled a problem just because I'm stubborn and stand up for myself when someone is hurtful or toxic towards me. I don't get given chances. I get labelled and thrown to one side. Like a toy at Christmas a child didn't want.
I am exhausted of struggling. I am exhausted of going day by day on as little as 3 hours of sleep a night. I am exhausted because i am fighting the awful thoughts that whizz round my head like a balloon that's been let go before it's tied. I am exhausted of dealing with so much on my own.
The smallest of things push me over the edge. Today the word "dementia" literally triggered a massive anxiety attack and constant memories of watching my nan become so unwell and pass away. A word. A word literally set off a massive chain reaction.
I keep bursting into tears and getting frustrated if something goes wrong, if I spell something wrong, make something wrong, forget something. It sets me off and pushes me over the edge.
I can't cope anymore.
Comments
Hi,
I can really hear how much you are hurting right now. I really do wish that I could make life seem more bearable for you because you have made it very clear that it all just feels too much. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone in this and you aren’t a burden, not here and not anywhere.
I do believe that you can get through this. You’ve shown how strong and capable you are just by opening up here. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now, just take each day as it comes. Some days are going to be easier than others but keep fighting through each day and I do promise that there will be better days and they will make up for these rubbish ones.
I know that you feel like you can’t cope but please hold onto hope that things will get better maybe not today or tomorrow but some day in the future and I think that on your happy days, you’ll look back and thank yourself for not giving up.
It’s understandable that these emotions are draining and that you are exhausted. Do you give yourself time to practise some self care ? Could be something wee like watching a movie or listening to music, maybe even just a nap?.
Keep fighting, I think you’re doing great. 🙂
I don't deserve self care. I don't deserve nice things.
I'm tired of fighting this 😭
I know you said that you contacted a charity already but you didn’t say which one. Have you considered contacting Samaritans ? They’re there for people in crisis, I’ve never used them to be able to recommend them but their number is 116 123.
Please hold onto hope, even if it’s just a wee bit. I know that you can’t see it right now but things will get better, I know it. You aren’t alone in this.
I really care about you, I’m not just saying that I do genuinely mean it and I want you to be safe.
There's just no hope to hold on to. Ever since lockdown I just hit rock bottom so fast
I hear ya. What about texting shout - 85258?? Would you consider doing that?
I feel like everyone on the mix hates me. I haven't been supportive recently because I just haven't been in the head space to and now I feel guilty reaching out when I've been so useless
I'm selfish. I'm really horrible and selfish 😭
I don’t think that anyone hates you here and I definitely don’t ! I love seeing your posts. I really enjoy your photo challenge and your quiz thread was really cool to read.
You know, you are so caring but you do not have to always be open to giving support to others, especially when you’re just not in the right head space yourself. There is nothing wrong with needing your own support and it takes real strength to admit that actually, I’m not okay and I need some support myself. That isn’t selfish and horrible, it’s courageous & admirable.
You aren’t useless, you are really noticed and appreciated here.
I can assure you that no one on The Mix hates you. It's normal to have to take a break from supporting people to focus fully on ourselves sometimes. Us moderators take breaks all the time to make sure we are in the right head space. I know how you are feeling right now might make it hard to believe, but there's no need to feel guilty for reaching out and that the support you provide to other users in the community is always excellent. Taking a step back to focus on ourselves and make sure we are in the right head space isn't a sign that you are useless but a sign that you are being smart and practical
Do you feel you are in any danger at the minute? If so, please let us on the forums know or reach out to our Crisis Messenger by texting THEMIX to 85258. I know you mentioned you don't like making phone calls, so if you aren't in immediate danger The Mix offers a one to one chat service
Im tired of feeling like a burden. I'm just tired of everything. Nothing to hold on for, nothing going for me at the moment. I don't understand why you are both supporting me because I'm just am awful person 😭
@Jordan I'm not in danger. I don't have the physical energy to do anything. Barely got the energy to get myself off the floor... 😞
Stuff isn't always your fault and even if you do make a mistake, you are human it's natural and however hard it is try not to blame yourself, your arnt selfish and definitely not horrible. I wish I could express so much more how much you matter, and how much the mix cares about you. If you arnt in the right head space you don't need to supportive and don't feel guilty about reaching out.
I wish you the best and please reach out if you need support and don't give up. Take care and try and get some sleep even though you struggling. Xxx
Sorry I burdened you all 😞
Please don’t think that, you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. I was just wondering how we could help you best because I know you’re finding things real hard tonight and you don’t deserve to feel that alone. Wont ye git some kip and see how yer feeling tomorrow?. Sleep isn’t a luxury, it’s something we all need and something you definitely deserve given how exhausted you are