Encouraging males to speak about their problems?

Former Member

Whilst I've been at Uni I've become a lot more attuned to noticing when the males around my circle haven't been too okay because they typically self medicate or start acting slightly out of character. I always take the time to ask how they've been finding things as a way of starting that conversation. What better way to improve than actually ask, so my questions are:

What ways can we (females or non-binaries)  help you to talk about things like mental health and more?

How can we start the conversation if we're unsure of what approach to use?

What things aren't helpful/unhelpful and why?

Former Member

Thank you so soooooo much for much for this @Aidan 💜

Maisy

This is an interesting thread!

Definitely agree that males tend to 'act out' more than females, other there are also some males who 'internalise' their struggles too.

I think checking in with them when you notice things, listening, and just trying to be there for them can be helpful. One thing I regret not doing for a male friend is checking in. I noticed he hadn't been in school for a while, and wanted to ask how things were, but I didn't because I felt he might not want to say. Later on he asked me about why, if I had noticed, I hadn't checked in with them. So I try to check in more.

I do also agree with @Aidan that keeping a sense of humour is good. I might not be able to help much but if I can try to provide a little bit of entertainment as a distraction, then that's something. 

I also agree with the unhelpful things. The whole 'be more grateful' and 'others have it worse' or even 'get over it' can feel very invalidating, regardless of gender. 

Former Member

Just wanted to say that I love this thread a lot! Such an important thing to talk about and I'm interested in following the replies :heart

Former Member

Love this thread idea - I've found it really interesting and useful for me. @Aidan and @Maisy I think your points are great and i'll definitely take them into consideration with my male friends/family members so thank you

There are some suggestions about supporting others in articles by The Mix (however they are generic rather than for males) but you could find these useful:
https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/supporting-others/a-guide-to-caring-for-someone-with-a-mental-health-condition-35179.html
https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/supporting-others/how-i-helped-my-suicidal-friend-6643.html
https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/self-harm/supporting-someone-who-self-harms-5690.html

Mind also have loads of stuff about helping others: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/ but I guess it always depends on that particular person as Aidan mentioned

Former Member

@coc0mac Thanks for the love 💗

Former Member

Love this thread! Taking on board all the comments in hopes I can better support my male friends 😁

Former Member

Such a great theme for a thread, and I love all these responses. 

Something that maybe hasn't been mentioned yet is activities. Indoor activities or outdoor activities, boys love activities. In comparison to my girl mates who are more than happy to meet up for coffee/food/pub to catch up, whenever I'm meeting up with my guy mates we usually like to do something.

I know this might sound obvious, but guys tend to relax way more when there is a separate objective to meeting up. So maybe suggest going bouldering, life drawing, a board game cafe, or even a hike in the outdoors. This might allow you to get your make friend one on one, and also will calm them down which would hopefully allow for more free-flowing conversation  

Would love to hear more suggestions. Let's keep this thread going!

Former Member

Great points mention there @JamJar

JustV

Super late to the party here but wanted to say this conversation is a great read.