Today I took a major step in regards to doing something I wouldn't usually do because of my anxiety.
I spoke to my head of year about dropping a subject that causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety so I can focus on other subjects for my A levels. However, it didn't really go as planned, considering the fact many of my friends had dropped their 4th subjects I didn't think it would be a problem for me but my head of year seems to feel the need to highly discourage my choice.
She thinks I should keep on my 4th subject because I got good grades in that subject last year but things were much easier then as well, these days I don't even want to go into school due to having to go into this lesson and dealing with the huge adrenaline rush cause of my anxiety, then having to quickly find a coping method so I don't look like an idiot for having a panic attack.
My head of year thinks I should go speak with the school nurture lady whose supposed to support us through talk therapy but I've already been to her 3 or 4 times before for weeks on end and it doesn't help, talk therapy is so draining and then I have to sit through the rest of the school day pretending like I'm not suffocating in my own head (does that make sense?)
My head of year has seen me struggling with anxiety for years now and I hate how she thinks that doing a bit of talk therapy will miraculously make this all better and I'll suddenly be able to ace this exam. She acts like she knows me but she has no idea what I've been through and what I'm still going through, she told me that she thinks I don't realise how strong I am but the thing is I do realise and this is why I also know that I need a break from this lesson so I don't spiral through the rest of this year.