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I have feelings towards a guy with a partner 😬

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1 Just got here
in Sex & Relationships

I need some advice. I have known this guy for about 2 years ago now and have always fancied him. He got a girlfriend about 1 year ago, however, he’s flirty and charming towards everyone, which I can see but can’t stop myself from feeling like it’s only me he’s flirty to. Recently we’ve been spending more time together and are getting closer. We are all over each other when we are together, we’ve never kissed etc, but when we aren’t together I always feel like the conversation is very one sided and he doesn’t make much effort. 

I know he’s got a girlfriend and I feel horrible about myself for allowing him to flirt with me etc. However, I’m 18 and not done much more than kiss a guy and never had much attention from boys or a boyfriend. I feel like I crave attention from boys and base my self-worth on this. Him showing me attention and leading me on, in a way, is something that I feel like I need. 

I feel like I’m becoming obsessed over this guy, I’ve cried over him and we aren’t dating, but can’t help thinking if he really liked me he would’ve made moves by now. I don’t wanna ruin a friendship but I do feel like our friendship will fizzle out eventually. 

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    edited September 18

    Sending you hugs <3

    Have you ever told this guy how you feel about him?

    I think conversation is key here - you need to know if you're just friends or if he feels that it's more too. Do you feel like you could talk to him about this?

    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User

    Sorry to hear that you're struggling with your feelings for this guy. From what you've said, it's understandably very confusing and frustrating for you. 

    I agree that it might help to tell him how you feel about him. If he has the same feelings as you then you can talk about what can happen next or if he just sees you as a friend then you have some clarity and can start moving forwards from him.
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,112 Boards Champion
    Hey :)

    The right thing to do is leave him be in my opinion. You might have feelings for him, but he's already in a relationship, and that means he's committed to someone else - no matter how strongly you feel from him, it's not right to try and break that. Messing with that only invites problems, rumours etc - your best bet is to hold off, until he's singlex

    Much love <3
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 87 Budding Regular
    edited September 18
    hello @Past User,

          Can understand your worries, expecially when you're in love. Seems like all you can do is to think about that guy analazing and remembering time you've spent together :)
    Of course the fact that he has girlfriend make things complicated, cause in that situation it's not really a good option to tell him about your feelings. But at the end it depends what you want. I know people who told about love just to tell about it. So they didn't want to offer relationship/break couple etc., they just wanted to let person know about their feelings without any pushing or demands
    But I guess in your case just informing won't be enough, seems you want more so...
    Enjoy being his friend and do not torture yourself, I know it's difficult, but as you told, probably if you tell about your feelings it'll impact your friendship, maybe he'll start to avoid you just not to hurt your feelings, nobody knows. I really think that to keep low profile is the best way of behavior as for now  <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, you seem to be feeling very confused and unsure about whats happening with your friend and how he feels about you, as well as about your own feelings for him. I understand that you might also be feeling wrong for the feelings you have for this guy as he is in a relationship, but you can't put yourself down for this as we can't help the way that we feel. I think you should think a lot more about whether or not you want to discuss this with him - as he does have a girlfriend and his loyalties will lay with her - and you don't want to feel more hurt if he tells you something you don't want to hear, or get in the middle of a relationship. 

    As for what youve said about feeling like you crave the attention - you don't need this at all! As we grow older, we tend to doubt the way others think about us a lot more and question if we are good enough, if we're attractive enough, if people like us etc. It's important to remember that what other people, specifically boys in this case, think or feel towards us, is never ever going to be as important as what we think about ourselves! No matter what you're feeling now, your self worth is not defined by what boys think about you or about how much attention you get! <3 
    Post edited by TheMix on
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