I Have No CLUE!

Former Member

Hey, i'm Maddie and i'm 13.

i've always had this thought in my head about my sexuality because this girl who is bisexual, was asking me weird questions, and saying that she couldnt picture me with a boy. The conversation was a little weird, and it started to get weirder... She started putting me down, and saying that no boy would probably want me, but a girl would comsider me.

Now i keep thinking a lot about my sexuality, and the more i think about it, the more i think that i'm not sure about my own sexuality.

Someone please help me understand...

Thanks,

-Maddie

Maisy

Hey Maddie,

 

That conversation with the girl who is bisexual must’ve made you feel a bit uncomfortable and it’s understandable that after that kind of conversation, you would start to question your own sexuality. That said, the girl had no right to put you down or say that no boys would want you, but a girl might. She can’t possibly know that for sure as we are all unique and have our own preferences.

 

While it can be helpful to listen to others experiences, try not to let it influence how you feel about yourself. Some people try to judge others sexuality based on stereotypes e.g. boys who are seen as less masculine, or girls who are seen as less feminine, might be judged as being gay or bisexual but this isn’t necessarily true.

 

I was just wondering, how did you feel about your sexuality, before that conversation? It’s okay to be wondering about your sexuality and you are still young so you have plenty of time to discover this for yourself. Do you find yourself more attracted to one gender over the other or have you been attracted to both boys and girls? Or maybe you haven’t really noticed yourself feeling attracted to anyone yet? Either way, only you will be able to figure this out and whatever you do or don’t feel is completely fine

You also might want to check out our article on being bi- curious https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/gender-and-sexuality/bi-curious-3349.html

Former Member

Hi @Maisy

Thanks for your advice and information. Also thanks for commenting on my situation. i felt that no one would, ive been proved wrong. Anyway, before that situation, i never really thought much about my sexuality. people just said that boys liked girls, and girls liked boys. So it never really came to mind. Like i did have friends who had different sexualities, and i have no problem with it. i have friends that are boys are gay, trans girls, bi girls and others. And they are all wonderful people. 

Sometimes i feel like i'm attracted to none, but then at some points it doesnt bother me if they are a boy or girl. However, ive never really went into detail or thought about romantic relationships. ive had boys ask me out, because i feel my age isnt appropriate yet. And that having a partner at a young age, theres more of a chance that they split.

Thanks again for the advice and for your comment, it means a lot.

Take care.

-Maddie

Former Member

Hey @Past User it sounds like you're feeling pretty confused at the moment and that's understandable. Like @Maisy your friend had no right to put you down like that and you should try not to let what she said bother you too much. Have you spoken to her again since this talk? It might be helpful to let her know how uncomfortable and confused you felt because of what she said.

As for what your sexuality is that's really something that only you can answer! There's absolutely no rush though and you can take as long as you need figuring yourself out. It sounds like you don't feel ready for any kind of relationship at the moment and really there's no issue with waiting until you feel more comfortable with the idea of dating. It's important not to let peer pressure push you into doing anything you don't want to do.

Former Member

Hey @Riley ;

Thanks for the advice. I haven't spoken to her, but she's stirring up arguments with my friends... i'm trying not to get involved, and i usually dont get involved. But if things get physical, i would say something (like, they have no right to touch them). Some of my friends also told me what she said about me behind my back (like, that i'm annoying, and they shouldnt be my friends) because i told them that she made me feel uncomfortable when she spoke to me.. i'm not sure if she liked that... But i had to tell my friends why i felt like that at the time... 

Thanks for understanding my situation. Some of my life, i've just seen how bad relationships can be... My sister had a rough time when she was in her 20s... she was being abused and emotionally abused by her boyfriend... and it lasted quite a while... But now she has someone better, hes really nice too. As long as she's happy though

Thanks a lot @Riley for commenting, it's made me feel a lot better than where i started .

See ya around!

-Maddie

Former Member

Hey @Past User I hope you’re doing well!

 

I wanted to start by saying how amazing it is that you are feeling comfortable enough to discuss the topic of sexuality. It can be a very difficult topic to talk about, especially when you are young and first start thinking about these things!

I’m sorry to hear that you were being put down about this. It is not fair on you at all to go through that like @Riley and @Maisy said. Sometimes the best thing to do is to avoid the conflict, especially if it’s being caused by someone who hasn’t treated you very well previously. 

It’s great that you feel that you could talk to your friends about how the situation made you feel uncomfortable. It’s never good to bottle things up. 

That must be horrible to have someone so close to you be treated so badly in a relationship. I’m glad to hear she has found someone better now and hope she is in a better place! 

In terms of discovering your sexuality, just take your time to find out what you like and don’t like. There is no pressure or time limit to do this! As long as you are happy with whatever stage you are going through, that is all that matters. 

 

Please feel free to let us know how you get on!

Former Member

Hello @Past User,

I'm glad that you took your time to come and help me with my problems, thank you.

And i never really thought about what i like, who i like and when i want to start liking people in those types of relationships until i had that problem... It made me think for a while. I know i'm not fully straight, but i also know i dont want to be transgender.

I just don't know if i like both or either one... I've never really been sexual with anyone, so i don't know what i'll like...    

But i guess someday, i might figure it out.

And my older sister, looks so much better than she was with tye other guy. when she would come to visit, she wouldnt talk much. And that guy is blind (like he cant see). he wasnt born blind, he just had poor health. He could see when he first met my sister. He refused help because he was blind, and depended on my sister. She always had to be with him. She had to buy things he wanted and stuff. she couldnt get things of her own, with her OWN money. He would throw and smash her expensive mugs. And the worst part is, she had a child (my niece) - shes wonderful. it would make her cry. he would say horrible things to both of them. My sister couldnt tell us, because she was too scared. She wanted to try and stop smoking, but he kept peer pressuring her to. One day, she finally told us. she broke up with him, luckily the house they lived in had her name on, so he had to leave - i think he lives with his mum... not sure. My sister is a lot happy now, and she is actually acting herself. Her boyfriend is lovely! At Christmas he bought EVERYONE something. That never happened before. Last week, my sister moved into her new house, i helped her move things in, its a beautiful house. Now she can be happy! 

Thanks for the support!

see ya around!

-Maddie