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To All - Im Sorry

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
Some of you might remember me, i'm Maddie. i'm the crazy person who was freaking out in august. i've created a new account as i had struggles with getting into my old account but thats no problem - anymore. i hope you are all gettihg the support you need, you are all wonderful and loving people. if you want to hear what happened in august, its right here.



take care!!! ill try an visit. take care.

-Maddie

The police did come to my house. we had a chat, it was weird. And of course i lied to them.  my parents were so so mad. After a chat, the police left my house, feeling i was safe. my dad got really mad. my mum got angry and said she wished she aborted me - no worried, she says stuff like that out of anger, she really doesnt mean it - and so i tried to leave the house that night, but my dad and siblings stopped me. the next morning, they punished me by taking everything i used to make time fly, and made me stand in this corner, they said i was going to stay in that corner for days. this made me even more distressed and emotionally unstable.


once my parents left the house to go shopping the next morning, my brother was kept in charge, and told to keep an eye on me, he also was told to keep the house keys with him at all times. but i told him i was going for a shower and so i went upstairs, but i got changed into some clothes, and took a jacket and some trainers downstairs. he didnt see me. then he shouted if i was here, and i just said that i was brushing my hair, but i slipped on my shoes and ran out of the back door which was left wide open - lol - i climbed and jumped off two walls, and ran as fast as i could. my brother knew i left, because theres CCTV around my house. 


once i left, i just walked places. i didnt know where to go, i didnt know my way round places, since my parents didnt really let me out. i went into town for a few hours, and a friend spotted me, i told her everything, and she understood because she has ran away before too. we both went into parks and had a really fun time. id never felt so happy! later on in the day, we went to my best friends house, we told her too. she said that the police were looking for me, and that its on a website... she said i could sleep over at hers, also with her mums permission. 


however, my best friend said that we would have to go and come back at 9PM, since she was going out somewhere with her family. so me and my other friend walked around and had a laugh for ages, and had a stop at her house which she had offered me some food, but i had lost my appetite, i didnt want to eat or drink. she tried to make me, but it didnt work, but i still thanked her. then we headed out again, it was so fun. out of all of the 6 weeks holiday, that was my favourite day. 


suddenly, on our way to my best friends house, we were heading down an alleyway, but two police officers saw us, they only asked me for my name, i didnt speak, so they asked if i was Madison. out of nowhere, i said 'no'. but they knew i was. so they forced me into their police car, which gave me bruised all over my arms. and took me home straight away. my dad was mad, everyone was mad. my dad sent me to bed, and so i went to my room, and i couldnt sleep for the whole time, i just lay there, thinking of another plan to escape. 


since my brothers were sleeping downstairs, i had to get out another way. so i thought of this window which is above my doorstep. i had to be careful sneaking to the room with the window, 2 of my brothers were being cautious that night, they caught me once, and i made an excuse saying that i was going toilet, they brushed it off. i tried a second time, this time with my shoes on. i made it to the window. it was the second floor window. bear in mind that we were in a victorian house. i jumped out of the window. and... i broke my ankle. still determined to get away, i hopped... that night, that jump looked no where near high, now that i look at it, its really high. i must have been crazy. but it was so stupid. 


when i hopped across the road, i lost my hearing, and was about to collapse on the road... but i carried on. about 2 minutes later, a police car pulled up beside me, there was one of the police officers i met before, who came to my house a while ago, for one of the same reasons. he was really nice. they helped me into the car. went to my house, spoke to my dad who was the one who called them, my,dad said to me that he heard a thud on the ground. and looked at the road from his window and saw me. then the police drove me to the QMC, 2 of my brothers came with, they mocked me and called me stupid, which i guess  i could agree on. 


i stayed in hospital for a little less than 2 days. social services introduced CAMHS.. i had my first meeting with them a few weeks ago... so awkward. i dont know what is happening next... i had the meeting the day after i got my cast taken off my ankle. i had it on for about 6 and a half weeks. i had to have cruches which i also had to use at school for about 5 weeks, so horrible. ive learned that i should never jump from second storey windows, they said if i landed on my head, i would have passed right there. 


im doing okay now, it looks like my family are a little less angry. i hope you all improve!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    sorry, i feel so stupid... im sorry if i worried anyone, and was going crazy... take care all! you are all unique and special!

    sending lots of love,hugs and kisses!!!

    xx
  • AoifeAoife Posts: 3,222 Boards Guru
    edited September 18
    It's really nice to hear from you @Past User! We've all missed you a lot here and it's great to see you back. If you'd like any help accessing your old account, just drop a PM to The Mix and we can help with that. :) 

    It sounds like you've been going through an incredibly tough time over the last few months. I'm so sorry to hear about your parents and how you were feeling through all of that. I can't imagine how difficult that might have been for you. From reading everything that happened, I just wanted to say how strong and brave you really are. I'm glad to hear you're doing a little better now and getting some support from CAMHS. It sounds like you're feeling a little scared and unsure about what happens next which is completely understandable. Would you like to talk about that a bit more? I know quite a few people have experience with CAMHS which they might be able to share with you if you want to make a post about that. 

    We're always here for you anytime you want to talk, you're never alone Maddie. Keep us updated with how everything is going <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    hey Aife! ive missed you and everyone on here! <3
    And its fine. i dont mind staying on this account, i guess its also easier to remember. lol. everyone gets a start over at some point i guess. :)
     
    and id love to start a thread about that, thanks for the idea <3
    Thanks so much for your lovely response. 
    and thanks to all who send hugs! your all the best and you are all a wonderful community! 

    hope to talk tomorrow. goodnight.

    - Maddie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    I really do apologise to anyone who was worried about me that night. i was scared of myself... A lot of guilt and shame is with me now... i just panicked, and said lots of things that came straight to mind...

    Take care of yourselves, have a nice day <3
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 2,023 Boards Champion
    Hey Maddie,

    Welcome back :)

    Much love <3
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    Hey @Azziman

    Hope your days been good, how you feeling? <3

    Thanks for the support <3

    Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Maddie, welcome back! It's so nice to see you around again.

    There's nothing to be sorry for about that night back in August. You were understandably upset and panicked and I'm just glad you're alright. It must've been very hard for you the past couple months and it's awful your parents were treating you that way. I'm glad they seem a little less angry now <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User,

    I'm happy to see you too! <3
    Thanks for understanding and supporting me, it means a lot. Are you doing fine? <3
    Thanks again!!! Take care.

    -Maddie
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • JustVJustV Posts: 5,525 Part of The Furniture
    Welcome back Maddie! :3
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    Hey @Mike!

    Thanks for the welcome back! <3 Means a lot!  ;)  <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User

    Welcome back! No need to apologise at all - your happiness and wellbeing will always be so important. We are all here for you! :heart:
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    Hi @coc0mac!

    Thanks for the welcome!  <3 - I apologized just in case i worried anyone  :# I was going crazy, and i was scared and stressed. I'm here for all of you too! <3

    Have a nice day, thanks again!

    -Maddie
  • Former MemberFormer Member EnglandPosts: 660 Incredible Poster
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    Welcome back! There is no need to apologise at all, it sounds like you have been going through a really tough time over the past few months and it's good that you felt able to reach out here.  <3

    I hope things continue to improve, please keep us updated  :)

    Jade 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    Thank you so much @Jade09.
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