Could use some help please

Former Member

Hi ok lets start this off by saying i am kinda bi curious and did experiment when i was younger. Im Im curren in a sub/ sub dom relationship ; myself being the dom. I just recently got into pegging and ive veen on the fence about taking it steps further. Ive recently been learning about reverse roleplay where we do gender reversal but im a person who suffers from depression and self conceious issues even tho being a guy ive been complimented on my looks but i do have a femenine frame but kinda musclular . Weve done pegging at first and it blew my mind. To help matters along ive had a history of trauma growing up which ive never fully healed and i was beaten up growing up vy people for this very topic.I dont wanna feel weird or anything like that but i cant seem to push myself further even tho i want to fully enjoy the experience( even typing this im quite nervous . Any help would be nice. . .

Maisy

Hey there,

 

Thanks for joining our community! I hope we can help you!

 

It seems to me that while you did experiment a bit when you were younger, that it’s only recently that you’ve got into pegging and are debating about takings things further. You can’t seem to push yourself though you want to enjoy the experience fully, with gender reversal.

 

Would it be okay for you and your relationship to take things slowly instead? This might be especially true since you’ve suffered trauma in your life and have even been beat up for this same reason. I’m also wondering whether you would feel comfortable mentioning your trauma to your partner? You can tell them as much or as little as you’d like, but it might be worth mentioning it so that they are able to understand why you are on the fence with taking things further. You’ve also mentioned that your previous trauma wasn’t fully healed. Would it be worth exploring with a professional, such as a counsellor, perhaps?

 

It makes sense that with all that you have been through, you would be nervous about exploring the very thing that you were bullied for, even to the point of just coming on here and asking for help. Which is why it’s important to go at a pace that is right for you and to not push anything that you don’t feel very comfortable with at the moment. If you do want to push yourself but are still unsure, try doing small things and seeing if that helps e.g. rather than doing a complete gender reversal role play, what about compromising and doing it partly or only for a short amount of time? You should also be allowed to stop at anytime if you feel uncomfortable. Alternatively, since you don’t want to feel weird about it, then it might help to see how you feel practicing role reversal by yourself before you try it with your partner. When we get anxious about things, we might avoid them out of fear, but sometimes the more we avoid something, the more disabling the anxiety can become. It’s difficult trying to balance what you want alongside the need to feel safe after trauma as well as thinking of your partners needs. But it’s entirely up to you how you decide to proceed with this

Former Member

Hi there @Past User Welcome to the boards - you've come to the right place! 

There's a lot to unpack here but let me just start by saying that I think it's wonderful you're being so candid about all of this. Talking about sex, especially kinks, is often embarrassing and uncomfortable but it's also a big part of most relationships. Having a healthy attitude towards sexual experimentation is such a fantastic thing. 

@Maisy has already given you some brilliant advice so I'll try not to rehash that too much. I totally agree that, given the past trauma that you've mentioned, pacing yourself is key. Communicating openly with your partner, trying things out together in small doses and compromising are all really productive steps.

Something that might also help is getting in touch with a Sex & Relationship counsellor. Relate is a fantastic service that helps people who are struggling with sex and intimacy problems. They're very sensitive and discreet - you can book a Sex Therapy session with them through your local branch. Does it sound as though something like this might help?

Best of luck