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Charley7Charley7 Posts: 29 Boards Initiate
Have you ever had someone say they want you but not a relationship? If so, how have you dealt with that? Thanks in advance :)


  • knownaslonerknownasloner Posts: 48 Boards Initiate
    edited August 2019
    Personally, I’ve never experienced this but I can try my best to understand and give some suggestions to why they might say this

    I’m assuming that by relationship you mean a romantic one? Correct me if I’m wrong. It could be that they don’t want anything serious because they don’t want to ruin the connection you already have. 

    Another possibility is that they have a fear of commitment and haven’t had a good history in relationships.

    To deal with it, I’d just talk to them about it.

    I don’t really know much about this kind of thing so apologies if I was no help.  <3
    Post edited by knownasloner on
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Literally this is me :lol: And @knownasloner you're pretty much spot on in my case.. I say this cause well im listening to the sterotypes that people with BPD can't handle a relationship... but I honestly don't think I can, like the guy im seeing is really nice, but we're not in a relationship and he's okay with that .. we still do relationship things like go on dates etc... but its just I don't think I could deal with feeling like I belong to someone else?  and if things did to tits up, I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship that we already had :) hope this helps you a bit in some way :)<3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Yes - and to be honest I don't think it's helpful to assume why - just ask? Hopefully if they are honest enough to tell you they don't want a relationship, they will tell you why not  :)
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Charley7Charley7 Posts: 29 Boards Initiate
    @knownasloner yes I meant romantic, I know he’s had some not so great relationships, so that’s probably it 

    @BubblesGoesBoo I think it’s the commitment, he probably doesn’t want anything serious, thanks for the advice 

    @Lucy307 I will try talking to him 

    thank you all  <3
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,715 Extreme Poster
    Hey :)

    Perhaps they like the idea of being in a relationship with you, and feel an attraction to you, but are afraid of entering a committed relationship, or afraid of losing it if they have been through that before? It's becoming more common, but just a suggestionx

    Much love <3
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  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi :smile:

    I have absolutely heard of this before, and what's important to know is that it's nothing you have done wrong. As others have said, it would be really good if you could speak to him to find out his reasons. But as a guess, quite often it's the other person's fear of committing to a relationship (for various reasons), or their own personal insecurities that might make it difficult to connect with someone in that way, no matter how much they like them. 

    I imagine it's really confusing to be told that - but it's nothing that you have done :heart: 
  • ValerialettoValerialetto Posts: 87 Budding Regular
    hey @Charley7,
    had it before several times and to tell the truth i was quite angry at this offers first times  =)=)=) Then I got that everybody can offer whatever they want and you just can accept or reject it, up to you) So it's pretty easy in fact :)
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    hi @Charley7

    This sounds like a difficult situation. I agree with @Lucy307 and wondered if have you been able to talk to them about it yet? This can be a nerve-wracking thing to do but something which may help you to understand the situation better.

    If you have discussed it with them, would you like to talk more about it?

    Sending hugs x
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