SOS Single boy needs some advice

Former Member

Hi there hope your all loving a lovely day i was just looking for a bit of advice really, im currently single and have been trying to get myself out there and meet girls. My problem is i am not a very confident person when it comes to dating which i find strange as with other things im pretty confident for example i let some magician throw knives at me while i was spinning on a circular board at a circus a few weeks ago albeit i was forced by family really but this country is a democracy right ! anyways ive been getting pretty down recently as my attempts at trying to get to know girls and things like that have been shut down and rejected which has genuinely  made me feel so terrible, the part that kills me is when you see them with someone else every time ive thought well that is  not surprising he so much better than me. Its got to the point whenever i see happy couples out in the street i get not annoyed but kind of sad in a way because i wish it was me, Anyways sorry for rambling im good at that XD 

Former Member

Hi @Past User x
This sounds very hard for you, but I can assure you that you aren't alone! It's not uncommon to be confident in many things, all but dating. I think sometimes we are confident in other things because they don't require us to look at ourselves, when meeting people we tend to compare ourselves to others and start to almost pick on ourselves for not being 'good enough' (even though we all are!!). It's hard to realize when you are searching, but the people you haven't been successful with simply weren't the right people for you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or that anyone is better than you, it just means that you haven't found someone who appreciates all your values yet. When you feel sad your confidence decreases because of the fear of rejection and opinion on yourself, remembering that your recent rejections were no fault of your own and simply just not the right person may help you to feel less down about it ❤️ It takes time! I'm sure you will click with someone who is right for you eventually 🙂

Former Member

Mia_moo said:

Hi @Past User x
This sounds very hard for you, but I can assure you that you aren't alone! It's not uncommon to be confident in many things, all but dating. I think sometimes we are confident in other things because they don't require us to look at ourselves, when meeting people we tend to compare ourselves to others and start to almost pick on ourselves for not being 'good enough' (even though we all are!!). It's hard to realize when you are searching, but the people you haven't been successful with simply weren't the right people for you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or that anyone is better than you, it just means that you haven't found someone who appreciates all your values yet. When you feel sad your confidence decreases because of the fear of rejection and opinion on yourself, remembering that your recent rejections were no fault of your own and simply just not the right person may help you to feel less down about it ❤️ It takes time! I'm sure you will click with someone who is right for you eventually 🙂

Thanks a bunch for replying i appreciate it have a nice night !

Azziman

Hey

Many times, people are afraid to approach girls because they either are afraid of saying something stupid, or are afraid of rejection. If it goes well, then great! If not, then so what? It didn't work for that girl, but there'll be more. Try and try again, and you'll get better at speaking confidently over time as well. You've got nothing to lose by trying, if you're looking for love!x

Much love

Former Member

Hi @Past User, 

I completely agree with what the others have said One thing I will add, as cliche as it sounds, is that sometimes love comes when you very least expect it. When I first met my boyfriend he was very similar - his family always tell me he was never confident in dating or speaking to girls or anything like that, so they were surprised when he got a girlfriend. Neither of us were looking for love when we met, and he really didn't have to go out of his way to catch my attention, as we simply found  overtime that if ever there was a situation we both happened to both be at, we were always naturally comfortable with each other. We started messaging online, still no romantic interest just brief messages about school - and now we have been together for three years!

It's really great that you are looking for advice to feel more confident in dating - I think it's great that you want to put yourself out there, so well done for that! But just always remember that who you already are is absolutely enough. Somebody will love you just the way you are - sometimes it just takes a little bit of time for that person to come into your life  

Best of luck!  

Former Member

coc0mac said:

Hi @Past User, 

I completely agree with what the others have said One thing I will add, as cliche as it sounds, is that sometimes love comes when you very least expect it. When I first met my boyfriend he was very similar - his family always tell me he was never confident in dating or speaking to girls or anything like that, so they were surprised when he got a girlfriend. Neither of us were looking for love when we met, and he really didn't have to go out of his way to catch my attention, as we simply found  overtime that if ever there was a situation we both happened to both be at, we were always naturally comfortable with each other. We started messaging online, still no romantic interest just brief messages about school - and now we have been together for three years!

It's really great that you are looking for advice to feel more confident in dating - I think it's great that you want to put yourself out there, so well done for that! But just always remember that who you already are is absolutely enough. Somebody will love you just the way you are - sometimes it just takes a little bit of time for that person to come into your life  

Best of luck!  

Great story im happy for you but it kinda annoys me because ive been hoping something like that would happen to me for a while and surprise surprise nothings happened i can dream though right ?  

Former Member

Hey @weefergie

Sorry you're feeling this way. I totally agree with what the others have said - dating is so hard but when you find the one it will just feel right and you'll both know.

Having said that, The Mix has some articles about 'pulling' which you could have a read of:

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/boost-your-pulling-confidence-3192.html

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/how-to-pull-3190.html

There's also one about shyness which might be useful for you if you're not feeling too confident talking to girls:

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/shyness-3326.html

And perhaps my favourite is this one about being single and happy:

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/single-and-happy-3180.html

Maybe give these a go and see how you get on - but most importantly, just be you!

Former Member

thanks some kinda usefull things in there i tried talking to someone today was an absolute disaster 

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go well when you tried talking to someone @Past User, do you want to talk about what happened?