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Lots of guys have asked me out and I don't know what to say to them.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
in Sex & Relationships
Hey all, 

I have recently became more confident with myself and with this a lot of gay guys have asked me if I would be interested in a relationship, 

As some of you may know I already have a boyfriend and he means the world to me but at the same time I don't want to make theirs other guys hate me because I rejected them, 

I'm just super confused and scaryed and don't know what do to

Any advice?? 
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    Congratulations on becoming more confident in yourself.

    I suppose it depends on how well you know these people. Are the people you are rejecting people you know well? Or are they people you know less well?

    It's important to establish boundaries with people up front, and as soon as possible.  The longer the wait to tell someone you aren't interested, the more likely their feelings are going to be hurt.

    It's understandable you are confused and scared. Rejecting people can be really tough and takes a lot of courage to do. I can imagine that most people will be understanding of the fact that you are in a relationship. How do you feel about being upfront with people, is it something you are comfortable with?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @Jordan

    I know all of the guys quite well as they used to live near me until they moved away to different places.
    I've already rejected one of them after finding out he was 22 year old, 

    I would normally feel perfectly comfortable saying it to them in person but the issue is the distance between me and them, 

    One of them lives in Glasgow
    One of them lives in Kent 
    One of them lives in York

    I can't really travel to three different corners of the UK to tell them I'm not interesting in them, 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    edited September 18
    Hiya @Past User

    It's perfectly okay to reject people via text, especially because of the distance. In fact, it might be better for you because it gives you time to work out what you are going to say. Do you think you'd feel comfortable doing that?

    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    Yeah probably, 
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,073 Boards Champion
    Hey,

    Simply saying that you're already in a relationship isn't rude. Most people recognise and respect that if someone is in a relationship, that is a commitment to someone. I know you don't want to upset people, but you cannot control how people react. Anyone with good sense and temperament will understand that you cannot go out, and thus will take the rejection okay. If they react badly despite your obvious commitment to your boyfriend, you've dodged a bullet!x

    Much love <3
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2019
    Heyy!

    its not bad to reject people. I hear how it can feel bad in that moment. It doesn't mean you dislike them as a person it just means you don't have that different connection and they shouldn't understand that. 

    & its a massive achievement to be More confident with yourself!
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    edited August 2019

    Hiya @davcr0ck


    I just want to echo Jordan and say that it's great that you're feeling more confident in yourself and you should be really proud of how far you've come <3


    There's quite a few websites with tips about how to reject someone nicely such as this one:

    https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/friend-zone-rejection/1365235


    I think the main thing is being honest while you're rejecting someone which is exactly what you're doing - you telling them that you have a boyfriend is absolutely fair and it's also respectful to your boyfriend that you do so.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey all, 

    Thanks for all of your advice, I spoke to the remaining two last night, one of them was very understanding and is perfectly happy staying as friends, we decided to go train spotting soon 😊

    The other one didn't take it so lightly and it ended on him saying that i don't have a boyfriend already and he just got really angry and kept asking for me to go out with him and I just blocked him in the end.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 87 Budding Regular
    edited September 18
    hey @Past User,

    I just want to ask you a question why do you think it's bad to reject? You do not reject because you're bad person, you reject cause you're honest one and you do not want to lie to anyone, so you can just tell honestly that you've already found the one for yourself...And you know, there will be always someone who hates you because of it or because of smth else..are you ready to do what someone wants just for him/her not to hate you?
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    edited September 18
    Valerialetto said:
    hey @Past User,

    I just want to ask you a question why do you think it's bad to reject? You do not reject because you're bad person, you reject cause you're honest one and you do not want to lie to anyone, so you can just tell honestly that you've already found the one for yourself...And you know, there will be always someone who hates you because of it or because of smth else..are you ready to do what someone wants just for him/her not to hate you?
    I'm very confused 😕, 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    davcr0ck said:
    Hey all, 

    Thanks for all of your advice, I spoke to the remaining two last night, one of them was very understanding and is perfectly happy staying as friends, we decided to go train spotting soon 😊

    The other one didn't take it so lightly and it ended on him saying that i don't have a boyfriend already and he just got really angry and kept asking for me to go out with him and I just blocked him in the end.


    Good to hear that two of those people were understanding.

    I'm sorry to hear that the third got annoyed at you for that. It sounds like you tried to be understanding but his actions forced you to block him. I hope it's not something you feel bad about. That sort of behaviour from them is hugely disrespectful and you shouldn't take it personally.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Well done for speaking to them both. Bit of a shame of how one reacted but you handled it as well as you could off!:)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 309 The Mix Regular

    Hi @davcr0ck


    Just wanted to say how great it is that you've spoken to them both! I know that must have been really hard for you but it is definitely better to do it sooner rather than later.


    How are you feeling now?

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    Yeah I'm feeling alright, about it 
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