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My boyfriend wants me to have a 3 some with him and another guy

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 2 Newbie
in Sex & Relationships
I told my boyfriend I didn't want to have a 3 some with him and another guy but he keeps bringing it up. He even invited my ex boyfriend to stay with us. I told him I could see myself dating two men but not being double penetrated and I didn't want to sleep with them both at the same time. He said he wanted to make me happy and would do whatever that took. I slept with my ex boyfriend a few times but things got uncomfortable and he left. My boyfriend says I cheated on him now and I feel betrayed. I thought I was perfectly clear that I didn't want to add anyone to our sex life and feel disrespected that he would keep pushing the subject and trying to make it happen. I feel like now he is mad at me because it didn't go the way that he thought he could get it to if he created the right environment and is taking it out on me. He is usually mad at me for something but that's the biggest thing he gets upset over. That and he says I lie to him all the time. But he asks me a question and never takes the first answer I give him as the final answer. After he has asked me something and to repeat myself several times he picks apart my responses and variations of my wording to call me a liar. I don't know how to do things the way he supposedly wants me to when he keeps getting upset with me over things that I thought he wanted or said he was ok with. He can get mad about something I do that I knew he would know about and I thought he would be happy about and I never know what the next thing is going to be that I'm in the wrong for. I think I need to end things but I don't know why it's so hard. How do I get over these feelings of shame etc and my insecurities so that I can be the person I want to and have a relationship of mutual respect?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 2 Newbie
    Today my boyfriend told me while my neighbor/friend/coworker was at my house that he doesn't want to be around me but he would still fuck me and he has been making me feel bad for not wanting to have sex with him for almost a week. I haven't gotten laid either and he doesn't seem to care about that. He said it's my obligations and I told him that it's his obligation to get me to where I want to have sex with him. He said I was a hypocrite but since I'm not the one saying I want nothing to do with him but will still fuck him I don't see how what I'm saying is hypocritical. I honestly don't want him around. I kicked him out and it's only Thursday and he said he needs until Monday to be able to leave. I would be fine with that but he does this slow play and works his way back into my good graces, however slightly, or makes me feel like I don't deserve any better, much more commonly and then I don't make him follow through on the day of. I'm so sick of being disrespected and purposely hurt. Today he also sent me a link to an article that was about people who are self absorbed. I honestly feel like he might as well be confessing how he really feels when he does these things. He told me that the only reason anyone wants anything to do with me is because I spread my legs and supply their bad habits. I feel like that was an admission of exactly what he's doing and why he's here. But he still won't leave. And I keep telling him to. He doesn't have a car and he could get me into a lot of trouble if he wanted. And vice versa. I don't want to have to resort to that but sometimes I feel like it might be my only way since he literally tells me he won't leave and what will I do about it....ugh. I hate my life right now. 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Welcome to the boards Shae :smile:

    I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be really tough and stressful :heart: 

    It sounds like he's been treating you poorly and disrespectfully. I understand you being sick of it and hating your life right now.

    Remember you don't owe anyone sex and that's not all that anyone wants with you.

    Sorry I don't have a lot of advice for you at the minute, I just wanted to send you some hugs and maybe boost your thread to get more replies x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    Welcome to the boards @ShaeShaeLaFunk

    I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. It sounds like a very intense and toxic relationship. 

    Just to echo what @Kathryn has already said, you absolutely do not owe anyone sex. Ever. Not your boyfriend or anyone else. 

    Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A friend or family member? If he won't leave, you are well within your rights to call the police and have him removed. I know you likely don't want to resort to that but your safety and comfort should be your primary concern. It sounds like you feel very uncomfortable around him and, if he has made veiled threats against you i.e. that he could "get you in trouble", it might be best to go and stay with someone you trust for the time being. 

    I hope that things get better for you and that you're safe. 

    Please keep us updated <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy,welcome!

    i agree with what's already been said and I also wanted to say you do deserve better than that. Some people can manipulate their way back but you don't deserve that. I hope you can keep reaching out So you can feel safe and do what best for you !
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,103 Boards Champion
    edited September 18
    Hey :)

    Sorry to hear about your situation.

    You've asked how to get over these feelings of shame and insecurity, and to have a mutually respectful relationship. As long as you keep this guy in your house and life, neither of these things can happen, since he is preventing from any of this happening. It sounds like he is trying to manipulate your emotions, and invoke these negative feelings in you, and without any sense of respect for your emotions whatsoever. I do think that inviting your ex-boyfriend to stay and cheating with him was a mistake on your part. But this guy is clearly bad news for you, and you have to find a way to get rid of him as soon as possible. As long as you let him stay in your life, you are hurting your own happiness. He will keep trying to manipulate your emotions and stay, but you have to stand your ground and get rid of him. Do the right thing for your wellbeing and happiness, and cut him off completely. And as @Past User has mentioned, the police will help you to remove him if he refusesx

    Much love <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
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