Work stress!

Former Member

Hi All. I need some support and advice! its a long one! I'm 21 and worked as a childminding assiasnt  unfortunely the childminder was barred due  a allergation was made against her. well at the end of  last year I ended all contact with her due to her lieing and trying to blame me. but while working we got on really well she became like a 2nd mum to me. but now m struggling as to weather she was just nice or she was trying to zapped me and manipulate me,we had our arguments if she wanted to me to do something and I didn't want to she get upset I stop talking then she would try and bribe me to talk to her again, like I buy you this and that, she often brought me gifts which at time I thought was nice some tops pjs and even get me coke and choclate everyday to get me through a busy day with kids!. she told me things and I had to swear to secerecy. I wasn't allowed to tell parents friends ect.at the time I thought she was the best person in the world. I hate her 1 minute then she talk me round the next. I feel like she mentally and emotionally abused me and I'm struggling. My Mum has dared me to get in contact with her and not to talk to her if I see her, she lives in the same village as me and I saw her last night for the first time since I ended contact but she didn't see me we was in the same shop. I actually hid because I didn't want to come face to face with her, ive been applying for jobs since last july and unfortunely having no luck. its been a year and I cant shift this feeling and I don't know what to do. I have blocked her contact details via social media ect. I just feel like shes got away with way to much. I also have a feeling she still having children on the sly and getting cash in the hand which if she gets caught being barred can she get in more trouble? I need help and advice on how to try and get through these feelings and fight this. and with her still having children what do you do?what should I do?  kind regards Jess

Maisy

Hi @Past User

 

That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation to be in!

 

I’m sorry to hear how working with this childminder has affected you. It can be very difficult when you previously enjoyed working with her, enough to feel that she was like a second mother to you, only to later find out she was lying and blaming you, and eventually got barred from childminding. She may have been genuinely nice to you, but ultimately, the lying, blaming you, trying to bribe you by buying you things and telling you things and making you swear secrecy suggests she had an ulterior motive. It was quite unprofessional of her to blame you and tell you things and make you swear to secrecy. As for the gifts, it does seem manipulative as they were given only to try to get you to talk to her rather than out of friendly generosity.

 

It’s good that you’ve cut ties with her, blocked her on social media and try to avoid her. Understandably her behaviour would leave you feeling really confused and I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with this. It’s good that your mum knows about her and told you not to talk to her. How would you feel opening up to your mum about how you are struggling to deal with the effects of her behaviour? It can be good to talk to people you trust about things rather than keeping them to yourself. You can also contact our team https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team  for one-to-one support if you feel it might help.

 

You mention that you have a feeling she’s still having children and getting paid cash in hand, though she is barred. I’m wondering why you feel this way? Is it a feeling or do you have some suggestions or evidence that she is doing this? When someone has been barred from childminding after an allegation, it’s usually for a good reason, so I understand why you would still feel concerned. If it’s just a feeling you have, try to keep in mind that you aren’t responsible. If you feel there is something that suggests she is still having children and getting paid for it, you might want to consider telling your mum or someone else you trust. Since she is barred, she will likely get into more trouble if she is caught minding children if she isn’t supposed to be doing that.

 

As for how to get through this, treat it like you would treat any break-up from a toxic person. Be kind to yourself, talk about your feelings, take up some new hobbies, do things you enjoy and spend time with friends and people who make you feel good about yourself. I’m so sorry that you were let down by this woman and though you don’t deserve to be treated the way she treated you, I’m sure you will get to know many genuinely friendly and positive people throughout your life.

 

Hope this helps a bit and best of luck with the job search

Former Member

Hey! Welcome to the community 

Thank you for opening up to us about your situation 

It sounds like maybe the childminder has affected you emotionally,would you agree? and it seems like you may be feeling confused as you cannot decide whether she was just nice or manipulative, which I understand is difficult to feel and to handle. I understand how hard it must have been when you found out she was lying to you, and the way she was acting doesn't seem like the professional manner in which she should have been acting. 

I agree with what @Maisy recommended in using the mix 1-2-1 chat as they could help you to talk through your situation and sign post you to appropriate services, do you feel this is something that could benefit you? 

Keep talking to us and sending massive hugs your way,

Butterfly x