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Hi @davcr0ck
I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship ending but I think you're handling the situation like a boss and should be really proud of yourself
I struggle with my sleep sometimes too - I go through phases where I'm fine and then I'll have weeks where I'm waking up constantly in the middle of the night and my mind goes into overdrive.
Do you write a journal at all? I've found mine really useful - I keep it by my bed and before I go to sleep I write down how I'm feeling.
Sometimes I follow questions so my standard questions are
1. What is one thing I'm grateful today
2. What made my happy today
3. What have I learnt today
4. What am I going to do tomorrow
But sometimes when I'm feeling anxious I just write everything that comes in to my mind and sometimes I just doodle or draw pictures. Then if I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind starts going in to overdrive I'll pick it up and just write what I'm thinking about. I actually feel like it just releases the thoughts out of my head and calms me back down.
Maybe you could give it a go and this could help with the flashbacks?
The NHS has some more good tips here: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/10-tips-to-beat-insomnia/
How are you today?
Today I'm just exhausted, I'm probably about 90% over my boyfriend now, it's just that I need to stop blame myself for it when I know its not my fault
My nights cosist of me feeling tired so I get myself ready for bed and by the time it gets to getting into bed I'm not tired, and in essence like you said my brain just goes into overdrive and then I just lay their for 45 minutes and then finally fall asleep and then wait up about 15 times in the night but I don't remember waking up,
I don't have a journal because I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words and into writing, I could try what you said but I feel like i might just focus on it soo hard that I lose track of time and realise its 1am or something
So to start things off, me and Joseph, I've got a better understanding on how the situation is on his end and I clearly understand why he ended it for the sakes of me and my mental state
The flaskbacks are a bit more manageable then what they was and I've started writing down the stuff in thing about that's keeping me up at night and I've drawn some stuff to after a nightmare I had last night, their quite graphical so I'm not going to add them but I describe them,
Image one - a sponge Bob with a knife, running around the picu ward
Image two - him running up to me and and stabbing me,
Both of them relate back to when I was in the picu ward (paediatric intensive care unit) in Southampton after my first surgery and I was on still on General anaesthetic and was also on the strongest pain killers as a drip, both of them caused hallucinations and panic attacks, this was at 3am in the morning, I woke up the whole of the ward and was then restrained and put on another drip which put me to sleep for 12 hours.
(I cryed the whole time typing this, it wasn't easy to do, I was going to delete this all but I'm gonna keep it)
How are you doing today? It sounds like these images are really frightening and tough to cope with, however writing it down to get it out of your head and onto paper can be a really good way of dealing with difficult thoughts so it sounds like this was a good thing to do.
I was wondering whether you have managed to try Mindfulness to help you feel calm/ sleep?
I am glad to hear that you've managed to talk through your situation with Joseph
Lots of hugs
Tommorow ive got a early start of 5am so that's fun, I haven't tryed mindfulness, probably doesn't help I don't know what it is and what you do and getting into a negative mindset about it before doing it doesn't help probably,
Getting my nails painted next week, so that nice
Mindfulness for me was a hard concept to wrap my head around. Like you, I was also sceptical. It can work for some people and not work for others, so it's important to realise if it isn't for you there are other things you can try. Here's an NHS guide on mindfulness. It's basically just focusing in on the sensations around us at that exact moment. It does sound a bit silly, but some people do say it helps them relax/sleep!
Something you could consider if you want is meditation. Here's a little guide on meditation. I can provide a little summary on how to meditate if you didn't want to read that guide.
Apart from your lack of sleep, how are you feeling?
What colour are you getting your nails done?
Just thought I too would check in on how you're doing - we really care about you
I completely understand your feelings towards mindfulness. I agree with @Jordan entirely - it can be tricky to wrap your head around at first, but for some people it can work wonders. I know for me personally it doesn't help, however for a friend of mine it has improved her sleep and wellbeing massively, so I agree it's definitely worth a try.
I've struggled a lot with sleeping before, and what helped me was sleep sounds. I thought about where I feel most calm, which is either outside or by the sea, so I found a sleep sounds app that plays ocean waves continuously. At first it still took a while to fall asleep but it relaxed me and got easier and easier each time. I now can sleep fine without them so they really helped to making sleeping a relaxing and steady time. I remember you are really into trains so I found a night train sleep sounds for you here
Take good care x
I probably get my nails painted pink and red. I'm just gonna go and borrow my mums colours and decide this weekend but will definitely be one of them,
The weather has made me feel rubbish everyday, got a cold and a sore throat, my inr is all over the place again,
I normally just ride out whenever I'm ill and let my body just get over it, so any ideas on how to get rid of it before I go away on holiday in two weeks,
I feel so dead and worthless inside, if it could just all go away that would be nice 😔😔
Thanks @Shaunie for finding that mind out lgbtq online support chat, I used it on Friday and I found them really useful to talk things through with them and get their opinion from them
Hi @davcr0ck
Just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling and give you hugs
I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling very well at the moment - is it hayfever that's causing your cold and sore throat? If so, there's lots of stuff that you can buy in the shops for that. Or have you tried cold and flu tablets?
Are you going anywhere nice on holiday?
I'm really glad that you're finding some of the things people have suggested useful.
I just wanted to add that I remember reading once (but I can't remember where I read it now - sorry) about if you're having negative thoughts and you write them down/draw them on a piece of paper, then it's good to burn the paper or rip it up and throw it away and imagine those thoughts going with it - again this is sort of like mindfulness so you might not find it useful but you could try it with your flashback drawings.
Nah we ruled out hayfever last year and I can't take any cold and flu tablets because of the paracetamol or ibuprofen in them mess around with my walfarin, that's normal why I just let my body get over it regardless if it makes me feel rubbish mentally,
I'm off to Derbyshire this year and I'm taking the train to near where I'm staying and then my parents are picking me up an taking me the rest of the way, I be sure to get some pictures of where I'm staying because the place its self is beautiful,
I give the rip it all up a go tonight because I'm probably going to have another one right before going to bed,
Small update, it's just over a month and a half since we both me and Joe broke up and now I have new boyfriend, he's a trans bi male and lives in South Caroliner in the US,
We orginal meet in a group chat with are freinds and then we talked a lot one morning when I was awake 3am because my body is amazing to me, we talked for about 6 hours straight, and we talked over the past two weeks and on Monday he asked me out, at first I said I get back to him because I wasn't particularly sure on the distance,
Then it got to today where I decided to give it a go and see how things turn out, he's suck a adorable boy and I love him a lot, we both helping each other with a mental health so it's not like we leaving it all in the dark,
If anyone has any tips with long distance relationship then please left them down below,
Much loved
im glad to hear you've found someone you're interested in! Long distance can be hard, espically if they're In different country cause of the time zones and finding time to speak to each other and different energy levels. I think it's sounds like a good idea to find out when you're both free to talk and Make that time for each other that isn't going to be affecting your sleep or time for yourself - if makes sense. Maybe over video chat or something.
theres also some questions that you could ask yourself if you're feeling un sure about it. Like where you think the relationship will go and your future of the relationship? Which may sound early to think about but idek cause distance is okay but imo there should be physical seeing too and you don't wanna put lot of effort for it to not get very far as maybe hurtful in the end, cause no long distance relationship lasts forever. ( I'm presuming you haven't meet up with him) so it would be good to think if you're going to do that.
And maybe for time being you start getting to know each other more which sound like doing great at! So guess keep doing that. it's good you're also being open about mental health so hopefully you could also be open about how the distance makes you feel ect.
All the best & keep us updated if like.
It's great to hear you have found someone you really like and who is supportive with your mental health
I think @Shaunie gave some great advice and things to think about. I know my brother used to note down good things that happened to him in the day, so that he could look forward to telling his girlfriend all about it in the evening. It's always nice to have something to look forward to
In terms of tips, The Mix has a really great video about long distance relationships https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=42&v=DxdQbHlHTzQ.
Take care
Hi @davcr0ck
I'm really happy that you're happy and have found someone new! I think the fact that you're helping each other with your mental health is amazing
There's lots of great tips here: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/21-best-tips-making-long-distance-relationship-work.html
Have you got any plans to meet up in person or is it too early days yet? How are you guys coping with the time difference?
We are trying to plan something to meet up in the UK but it's a small challenge when we both not fans of flying, but we do video call every night at around 7pm or 9pm (British summer time) (5 hours behind me) depending on are plans,
He struggles a lot with sleep as he has insomnia and adhd so he's always up until 1am which makes it 6am for me and I wake up at 5am so we have a talk in the morning about how his evening was,
By about lunch time for me, he's woken up from his sleep so we talk a bit then before he goes out and then we talk again in the evening my time, so I would say we pretty lucky for timing wise
I read through the ideas that you sent @Han93 and I would love to do the postcard and love letters thing but idk how much is going to cost to get a letter over their, I might go to the post office and find out,
And I love the idea @coc0mac for making note of how the day's been,
I told my mum about are relationship and she reacted ok with it she was just like but what about having sex with him, which I explained to her that I don't have a driving urgy to lose my virginity or have sex, I'm happy with just wait,
I know that next year at high school he has a trip to England and last year it was Scotland and Ireland and they went to places which had a lot of history present so if I'm lucky they might come to oxford for the sakes of Harry Potter and has lots of history around the town,
My boyfriend is currently on his summer camp and he saw his supportive brother and they both had a great time together and he's enjoying summer camp a lot
Meanwhile I'm not doing my best, as I'm approaching closer and closer to the heart surgery date and more graphical memorys of what happened over the next few days 7 years ago,
I haven't been eating like my normal self too which is concerning my parents, like last night for dinner was mac and cheese and I love mac and cheese but I just didn't want to eat anything at all, its like I've been edging myself away from food over the past two weeks,
Last night I had a nightmare where I died on the operateing table abd I woke up from that at 4am and cryed for half a hour and fell asleep again as my meds kicked in again,
I've tryed writing down my thoughts but it normally ends in me getting annoyed and throwing the pen across the room because I can't put it into words,
I would speak to my boyfriend about this but he doesn't have wifi that much and I don't want to scary him while he's away
I'm really sorry to hear you're dealing with this.
Are you able to discuss how you're feeling with anyone else? It sounds like some extra support could help you deal with your emotions which may it turn help you worry less and reduce some of the issues that you're having. Of course, it's normal to feel worried approaching something like surgery so some extra support wouldn't hurt.
The Mix have a counselling service which you can refer yourself to here:
https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/the-mix-counselling-service
Sending hugs
I have been talking to someone about this a lot other the past two days, it being @dancertori about it and my thoughts and flaskbacks and other things
I had a look at the counselling thing but I already have a counsellor through another charity, so ik under the impression that I would not be able to seek help with the mix counsellor,
I've tryed to contact my own counselling about getting a appointment in by I haven't heard a response sinse two weeks now,
Hi @davcr0ck
I just wanted to send you lots of hugs as it sounds like you're going through a tough time
Remember we are all here for you and hopefully you being able to talk to us is helping!
I had a look at the counselling thing but I already have a counsellor through another charity, so ik under the impression that I would not be able to seek help with the mix counsellor,
As Mike said, if you already have a counsellor you can't speak to a counsellor from The Mix but could you contact your current counsellor to request a little bit more support?
I'm glad you have people you can talk to about this. How are you doing today?
Sending hugs