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Hate myself (maybe TW )

Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
in Health & Wellbeing
I’m really struggling with how much I hate myself . Whenever I look at myself all I see is a fat , ugly and disgusting person.

I just look at myself and hate me , I really hate me and no matter how many times people say I’m not and that I’m beautiful, I just don’t believe it. 

People called me fat and ugly , that I look like a fat whore in my clothes that I’m wearing, “Ohh here comes the whale” , “ can you feel the earthquake off A.... must be coming”

I just hate myself so much and I don’t know what I can do to make it better :(  
Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @Millie2787

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I obviously can't see you, but from what you have shared and how you've supported others here I think you are a kind and lovely person, for what it's worth. 

    Have you seen Jameela Jamil's I Weigh instagram page? I check in on it every once in a while when I'm feeling a bit crap about myself. It's about how we are the sum of our achievements/personalities/a whole lot more than just looks (but that we're beautiful too). Just in case it helps: https://www.instagram.com/i_weigh/?hl=en

    Sending loads of hugs <3 

    - Lucy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster

    I'm sad and sorry to see you being so hard on yourself :( It sounds like this is a really intense thing for you right now.

    I can definitely relate to what you're describing. It's a horrible feeling to hate yourself so much. I do agree with the above, for what it's worth, I think you're awesome. You're sweet and uplifting, you're funny, you're nice to talk to, you're pretty inside and out.

    Sending all the love <3
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you @kathleen0172 and @Lucy307

    Each day I just hate myself more and more and I hate it , I hate me and just makes me feel so down and worthless all the time. I’m just such a horrible person that deserves all the names I get called because I am fat and disgusting and a giant whale :(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    Why can’t I just ever look half decent in any of my clothes , I just look so fat in any of my clothes I wear lately and now I’m stressing Becuase I go back to work for the first time since January and I’m stressing what I’ll look like and what the parents will think of me since I haven’t been there for awhile 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey lovely,

    I just wanted to send you a big hug. You're clearly going through a really hard time, and I can really hear how strong this self-hate is for you right now <3

    I don't see you as what you're describing at all. I understand how distressing it can feel to look at your reflection and feel so disgusted. In my experience, being able to feel comfortable with yourself and your body is certainly an important thing in life, and to not have that can make you feel all sorts of crap.

    Do you know of anything that triggers these feelings further? - for example, the short temper and negativity of living with my sibling doesn't help, and I think my confidence would have more chance of rising if I could live in a peaceful environment instead.

    Keep us posted, we're here for you and want to help you through this.

    Keep fighting <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey!

    Can hear how low you feel about yourself. I think youre lovely and i think others see that too. Hope your first day back to work goes okay
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    @kathleen0172
    Do you know of anything that triggers these feelings further? 
    Ned thé Eating disorder voice I guess makes it worse . He’s constantly replaying the comments people have made about me . The fact I have very little self confidence and that’s always been the same since I was little. I’ve grown up being called Every name under the sun and I hate that  I hate myself so much but it’s all true I am fat and disgusting and a whale.

    @Shaunie . Thank you , work wasn’t to bad today but I’m shattered now. I don’t understand why you think I’m lovely when I’m really not 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    We all think you're lovely @Millie2787 <3

    I'm glad to hear work wasn't too bad today. We're all really proud of you <3

    Ned thé Eating disorder voice I guess makes it worse . He’s constantly replaying the comments people have made about me . The fact I have very little self confidence and that’s always been the same since I was little. I’ve grown up being called Every name under the sun and I hate that  I hate myself so much but it’s all true I am fat and disgusting and a whale.

    It sounds so tough with Ned making these feelings worse. Have you tried writing out these comments and then writing something back to try and contradict what he's saying? 

    I'm sorry to hear you've grown up being called all these names. No one should ever be treated this way. Do you want to share a bit more about this? 

    You deserve so much kindness Millie <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    edited June 2019
    Hi @Aife

    Yer work wasn’t too bad and then had this WhatsApp from the head youth worker today
     “I have fab feedback from you for Sunday club. A very well done, keep it up!” . So it was really nice nice to hear that I’m doing okay after a long period away and I also met with a lady today to start some regular babysitting of her 2 children. 

    I'm sorry to hear you've grown up being called all these names. No one should ever be treated this way. Do you want to share a bit more about this? 
    Growing up I’ve always been on the larger size than the rest of my peers. My family were always a big family until mum had a operation and I was picked for being big. I was called fat , fat whale , fat slag etc and this was all in primary school. I didn’t really have much friends and have always been called fat or here comes the whale . Even now I can get on the bus and be called names and I guess I’ve been called them so many times I just believe then now :(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Millie :heart:

    Just wanted to let you know that we all care about you, :heart:

    You're such a lovely member of this community, sorry to hear how you're feeling.

    :heart:




  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey Millie,

    I can hear how hard things are at the mo, and I’m sorry that you are feeling so low about yourself. From what I know of you, you seem like a really lovely person with a caring heart and none of the things that you think/feel you are. Although, I do understand that it’s hard when you have been called horrible names a lot of your life 💗 it’s tough. 

    In terms of the the eating disorder, is there anything that maybe helps a little to control the thoughts? 

    I really do hope things improve for you and we are all here to support you! X
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