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Hate myself (maybe TW )

Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜Posts: 2,934 Boards Guru
I’m really struggling with how much I hate myself . Whenever I look at myself all I see is a fat , ugly and disgusting person.

I just look at myself and hate me , I really hate me and no matter how many times people say I’m not and that I’m beautiful, I just don’t believe it. 

People called me fat and ugly , that I look like a fat whore in my clothes that I’m wearing, “Ohh here comes the whale” , “ can you feel the earthquake off A.... must be coming”

I just hate myself so much and I don’t know what I can do to make it better :(  
Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
Kathleen07

Comments

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 765 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @Millie2787

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I obviously can't see you, but from what you have shared and how you've supported others here I think you are a kind and lovely person, for what it's worth. 

    Have you seen Jameela Jamil's I Weigh instagram page? I check in on it every once in a while when I'm feeling a bit crap about myself. It's about how we are the sum of our achievements/personalities/a whole lot more than just looks (but that we're beautiful too). Just in case it helps: https://www.instagram.com/i_weigh/?hl=en

    Sending loads of hugs <3 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi

    I'm sad and sorry to see you being so hard on yourself :( It sounds like this is a really intense thing for you right now.

    I can definitely relate to what you're describing. It's a horrible feeling to hate yourself so much. I do agree with the above, for what it's worth, I think you're awesome. You're sweet and uplifting, you're funny, you're nice to talk to, you're pretty inside and out.

    Sending all the love <3
  • Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜 Posts: 2,934 Boards Guru
    Thank you @kathleen0172 and @Lucy307

    Each day I just hate myself more and more and I hate it , I hate me and just makes me feel so down and worthless all the time. I’m just such a horrible person that deserves all the names I get called because I am fat and disgusting and a giant whale :(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
    Kathleen07
  • Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜 Posts: 2,934 Boards Guru
    Why can’t I just ever look half decent in any of my clothes , I just look so fat in any of my clothes I wear lately and now I’m stressing Becuase I go back to work for the first time since January and I’m stressing what I’ll look like and what the parents will think of me since I haven’t been there for awhile 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi
    Hey lovely,

    I just wanted to send you a big hug. You're clearly going through a really hard time, and I can really hear how strong this self-hate is for you right now <3

    I don't see you as what you're describing at all. I understand how distressing it can feel to look at your reflection and feel so disgusted. In my experience, being able to feel comfortable with yourself and your body is certainly an important thing in life, and to not have that can make you feel all sorts of crap.

    Do you know of anything that triggers these feelings further? - for example, the short temper and negativity of living with my sibling doesn't help, and I think my confidence would have more chance of rising if I could live in a peaceful environment instead.

    Keep us posted, we're here for you and want to help you through this.

    Keep fighting <3
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,142 Supreme Poster
    Hey!

    Can hear how low you feel about yourself. I think youre lovely and i think others see that too. Hope your first day back to work goes okay
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
  • Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜 Posts: 2,934 Boards Guru
    @kathleen0172
    Do you know of anything that triggers these feelings further? 
    Ned thé Eating disorder voice I guess makes it worse . He’s constantly replaying the comments people have made about me . The fact I have very little self confidence and that’s always been the same since I was little. I’ve grown up being called Every name under the sun and I hate that  I hate myself so much but it’s all true I am fat and disgusting and a whale.

    @Shaunie . Thank you , work wasn’t to bad today but I’m shattered now. I don’t understand why you think I’m lovely when I’m really not 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
    Kathleen07
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,207 Moderator
    We all think you're lovely @Millie2787 <3

    I'm glad to hear work wasn't too bad today. We're all really proud of you <3

    Ned thé Eating disorder voice I guess makes it worse . He’s constantly replaying the comments people have made about me . The fact I have very little self confidence and that’s always been the same since I was little. I’ve grown up being called Every name under the sun and I hate that  I hate myself so much but it’s all true I am fat and disgusting and a whale.

    It sounds so tough with Ned making these feelings worse. Have you tried writing out these comments and then writing something back to try and contradict what he's saying? 

    I'm sorry to hear you've grown up being called all these names. No one should ever be treated this way. Do you want to share a bit more about this? 

    You deserve so much kindness Millie <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜 Posts: 2,934 Boards Guru
    edited June 2019
    Hi @Aife

    Yer work wasn’t too bad and then had this WhatsApp from the head youth worker today
     “I have fab feedback from you for Sunday club. A very well done, keep it up!” . So it was really nice nice to hear that I’m doing okay after a long period away and I also met with a lady today to start some regular babysitting of her 2 children. 

    I'm sorry to hear you've grown up being called all these names. No one should ever be treated this way. Do you want to share a bit more about this? 
    Growing up I’ve always been on the larger size than the rest of my peers. My family were always a big family until mum had a operation and I was picked for being big. I was called fat , fat whale , fat slag etc and this was all in primary school. I didn’t really have much friends and have always been called fat or here comes the whale . Even now I can get on the bus and be called names and I guess I’ve been called them so many times I just believe then now :(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 687 Super Moderator
    Hey Millie :heart:

    Just wanted to let you know that we all care about you, :heart:

    You're such a lovely member of this community, sorry to hear how you're feeling.

    :heart:




                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" 

    - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Hey Millie,

    I can hear how hard things are at the mo, and I’m sorry that you are feeling so low about yourself. From what I know of you, you seem like a really lovely person with a caring heart and none of the things that you think/feel you are. Although, I do understand that it’s hard when you have been called horrible names a lot of your life 💗 it’s tough. 

    In terms of the the eating disorder, is there anything that maybe helps a little to control the thoughts? 

    I really do hope things improve for you and we are all here to support you! X
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