"Too quiet"

Former Member

I'm truly sick of people commenting on me being quiet and seeing it as a problem. I'm especially peed when they point out that I talk a lot through text and email but not face to face and make such a big deal about it. It's how I naturally, for God's sake, why can't people just accept it and quit seeing it as an issue! I hate people questioning why I'm so quiet too, the fact that it's how I naturally am explains itself! I hate how people try to make me more confident by making do things I dont like like calling out to me or wanting me to join society clubs or like my parents making me join big gatherings. My parents even sent me to counselling when I was 12 and physical therapy at 14 for this! I totally hated them for that, it was so cruel and hateful of them to judge me. I can't stick how people want me to socialise at spare times like outside of meetings or lessons when I'd rather read a book or do stuff on my phone. Its not like i care at all about being lonely. Teachers at school were unpleasant too focusing on how quiet I am than how good I am at subjects during parents meetings and also expressin their concerns about me just sitting alone at my breaktimes (cuz no one in my year seemed interesting and my older friends already left after yr11. Seriously, quality not quantity!!!!). No-one can force me to talk and socialise and make friends when I don't want to!!!! I'm tired of people being concerned that I don't answer questions too when I don't like to be questioned personally or in detail or when I'm in trouble. I hate how humans are so curious.

Maisy

Hey there,

I can really relate! All my life I've had people commenting about how quiet I am, and all my school reports say the same. Like you, I prefer talking through text and email rather than face to face, and I guess this makes others curious when I barely say a word in person but can express myself so much online! 

But you are right though. If you are quiet naturally, then there's nothing wrong with that and no need for others to question it. I think sometimes when many people are naturally sociable, it may seem different to them that we aren't like them and this can mean that they may try to make you more sociable and want you to join in things or socialise outside of lessons. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do these things if you have other things that you would prefer to do instead, such as reading or going on your phone. Some times, people might not understand that we might have less of a need to be social than they do. Have you tried politely declining their requests? They might still ask questions but you can just that you just don't want to do those things and maybe they will learn to respect that. 

It also sounds like your teachers are concerned about you perhaps being lonely. Do you feel lonely at all? Some times people on their own are lonely, and that's why teachers and other people might be concerned for you- they just want to help. But if you don't feel lonely, and don't mind being on your own, then there's nothing wrong with that either. 

It's understandable that you would be tired of people being concerned about you and asking questions to you all the time. Sometimes giving answers like 'that's just the way I am' might help with this as they can't really ask any follow up questions, and they should try to respect the way you are. We are all different and have different needs, and some people are curious about these things, but ideally we would all try to be understanding of each other so that no-one feels pressured into being social when it's just not for them. 

Take care  

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I can really relate to people saying i'm too quiet. However, the older I get the more I've come to realise that its just a part of me and nothing to be ashamed of or worry about. Being quiet, sometimes it can take a bit longer to open up and make new friends, but its just one of those things.

Your family, teachers and whoever else in your life should be able to accept that this is a part of you. Its wrong for them to try and change this aspect of your personality, especially if you are happy with it!

Have you ever done the Myers-Briggs personality test? I'm an INTJ according to that, and it was good to see other people that are introverted (not that thats the same as being quiet) but have done amazing things with their lives! 

Bye for now 

Former Member

Like I said I don't care about being lonely. I just so missed my older friends after they left and no one in my own year seemed interesting and I didn't feel comfortable around them they were weird. Also when I started sixth form, nobody seemed appealing so I didn't bother much to make friends. I'd rather have a few good friends who are exotic and I feel comfortable around and would never upset me rather than many plain random ones who I feel weird around (please don't ask what that means) because they're them

Former Member

I'm mean when people pressurise me to talk like "come on, join in the conversation, get off your phone/stop reading." And telling me that in the real world we have to socialise at spare times once in a while and take in surroundings around me. Well they can't force me to socialise when I don't want to or tell me what to do in my spare time at all. Theres no such thing as "real world" when it comes to this. Being quiet got me diagnosed with autistic spectrum too and my parents wanted me to see a psychologist to share my feelings with because they thought I didn't do so with anyone else when again I do through text and email. They seriously don't know me and I'm sick to death of them being emotionally protective on that extent. Plus at school it may have looked like I had no friends but I did it was just of that pointless unfair rule of not being allowed to sit with people from different year groups at break and had to stick with our own year (I mean come on its break time there shouldn't be a rule on who to sit with, age doesn't matter in friendships even when still kids, it wasnt like lessons or assembly or anything right). No one in my year seemed as interesting and exotic as the older girls. I so hated teachers worrying about me hanging out alone like I'm a little kid, I don't care about loneliness at all thank you very much, like I said I'd rather have a few brilliant great friends than many strange ones I don't feel comfortable around.

Siena

Its okay to be quiet if thats what you feel comfortable with. Maybe people only get concerned because they are concerned that you do not like being quiet and want to speak but having difficulty? I used to be really quiet (still am sorta) and i hate it. 

hanging out with only your year group for lunch. Does sound so wrong. That was never a rule or soemthing not done in my school so thats quite strange. 

Sometimes it is nice to put down what youre doing like phone/book and engage with things tho and be mindful of other things.  so i can see where they come from, from that point of view. 

Everyones different so shouldnt force you to do things you dont feel you really wanna do but sounds like with good intentions and maybe youll feel different about things when get older ect

Former Member

I can totally relate @Past User. Personally, I was really quiet at school and it was always commented on and viewed as a negative. I didn't really speak unless there was something relevant to add to the conversation. 

I think extroverts are noticeably favoured, especially in a school environment. I didn't seem fair to me then, and it doesn't seem particularly fair now tbh. 

Former Member

I don't want to hear that it's "healthy" to take a break from your own stuff and join in the conversation or just observe what's around you (even if it's right), I won't be told what I should do at spare times no matter what the reason.