What is this?

Former Member

Sorry in advance for how long this may seem..
3 years on and off I spent with someone I loved deeply, and at a time was adamant he was the one for me and hoped we would create and spend our futures together, building a life of our own and making amazing memories.
He made me feel on top of the world, loved me, cared for me, listened, supported me, made effort with my family, made me feel beautiful, never gave me any reason to doubt him.. he was in my eyes perfect! 

Well that all changed, a year and a half into our relationship, I started noticing changes, he would be talking to other girls, making effort to find girls he met on a night out whilst I was layed in bed beside him. Ignoring my messages and calls and then make excuses making less effort in loving me, coming to see me and my family. Leaving me stranded to go off with his mates, not being there for me when I needed him the most ( I went through a traumatic situation) and I would call him crying in pain and he would be too busy out getting of his face. Lying to me all the time, was I not worth the truth? I began to doubt myself, feel worthless, ugly, paranoid and question  ' was it my fault, had I done something for him to change?

He always come running back about how he loves me, realised a lot of things and is going to change etc but it doesn't last long, 
He lied to me to make me paranoid about other women, name called me regularly, made me always go to his and him when he wanted to see me, only ever coming to me once or twice a year. 
Upon confronting him about things he has done and said to me, he laughs in my face and rather sit at stare at his phone screen than listen to me.
Always says how he can have any women. Even gloating about how many women he kissed when we was on a break.
Never liked confrontstion and always turned it onto being my fault. 
Even at times telling me nobody will wanna be with me cause I'm so difficult to be with. I feel quite manipulated sometimes into seeing him, or he will make me feel bad for not wanting to be with him anymore by saying he's gonna kill himself etc.

The most recent thing that has had a huge impact and completely messed with my head leaving me feeling so lost and in self doubt every day, questioning myself.
 
He was degrading me in front of his brother just to show off, calling me names, talking about my private area and showing no respect for me.. 
I called him out on it and etc and he immediately made a statement that he is sure I have severe bipolar and need counselling and am one of those women who are the reason why men dont speak out about mental health. I don't even know how I feel, how do you process that? I've been quite stressed lately and low and this has just added to it.. 
I blame myself alot, if I hadn't always made myself available for him, always be there and big him up, love him. Always stayed loyal, done anything for him, am I reason his changed? 
, but basically my question is, is this love? do I deserve all this? How do I overcome the huge self doubt cloud that is hanging over my head and this Lost feeling.

Former Member

Aw

Being in a situation like this can be really confusing, miserable, and all round difficult. I'm sorry you've gone through this.

I'll start by saying that it's certainly not your fault, and you don't deserve it. Unfortunately, some people just turn out to be like this, for many reasons - childhood trauma, some personality disorder, or just having been raised to think it's okay. But you're never to blame for someone being like that.

It sounds to me like he's quite a toxic person. From my point of view, this isn't love. Wish I had some advice for your self-doubt - but what I can tell you is that you honestly seem like a good person, and it's sad to see you being hard on yourself And it's up to you what you do (and I know this may be very hard) but it might be better to cut him out of your life. At least take care of yourself and try not to let him push you around. And if he tries to manipulate you with threats of suicide, tell him you don't want that and that he should seek support if he feels that way, but don't give into it.

Was posting that of any help? Sending love and strength your way Lisa

Former Member

@kathleen0172 thank you so much for taking some time to read and respond... I  just needed to hear exactly what you have wrote. I have for a while felt he is toxic. 

I definitely feel as though i need to be by myself to love ME again! 
 
You are right, I need to be strong and not give into it. 

You really have helped! Thank you so much ❤ 

Sending love & strength straight back at you ❤❤

Former Member

Ohh anytime buddy, don't thank me Really glad I could help.

I wish you luck with loving yourself again - that's very positive and you deserve to. Also remember there are none-toxic people out there who are going to truly love you

Siena

He sounds like a prick. And sometimes that can be easier seen by an outsider so i am glad youve came here.
 You deserve so much better than that so sorry he makes you feel like that and says all that. Its hard to even get out of toxic relationships. And i think the longer you stay the more hurtful it may be and it doesnt sound like he is going to change. None of it is your fault 
I hope you are able to build your self worth back up. 


 Supporting you & here when need 
x

Former Member

Thank you @Shaunie
I needed an outsiders perspective as you said it's easier.
I know it's going to be difficult but I have to put myself first and do what's right for me.
Thank you for taking time and offering your support it's very much appreciated ❤