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going backwards after some years of being ok

DistractionDistraction Posts: 449 Listening Ear
edited March 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Feeling bad today, like I'm going backwards, I've been alright for a few years in the way that I've been able to shrug harming urges away (not really bothered me much at all) but a lot of reality seems to be going slower again and I couldn't even get out my car and walk into the shops today, probably because I was just lazy but everything seems so heavy you know, like I can't put anything in prospective. I don't think I will harm again which is good, it's just unsettling. A lot of stuff seems 10x harder and for no apparent reason, I was doing ok.     

I'm finding it really hard getting through day to day life 
Post edited by Distraction on

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    mags98mags98 Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
    Hi, 

    Firstly, well done for opening up. It takes a lot to not only recognise something but to share it with others as well. 

    It's perfectly normal to start feeling like you're going backwards. My therapist always told me that he'd be more concerned if I didn't fall backwards and everything was going smoothly. We all have our downfalls.

    It's easy for me to say but try not to put too much pressure on yourself or stress too much. If you feel like you're having a slow day, just let it be, take it slow, your body might just need some rest. 

    Also, hats off to you for shrugging harming urges away, that takes a lot of strength to do so. If you're struggling just remember how amazing you've done so far and it will pass.
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @Distraction

    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way. Has anything changed in your day to day or are you just feeling different? I go through waves of feeling low for absolutely no reason at all so can really relate if it is that. Hopefully we can help support you while you're feeling this way <3 sending hugs 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy distraction!
    Are you getting support of anyone else? As others have said is okay and doesnt mean you have exactly started from the begining. You sound like you are doing well with self harm urges and is not easy to always get ourself even out of the house with the heavy feeling and great you have still managed to write how you are feelin here which is great can be hard to see what we are doing well but sorry you are feeling pretty low atm. I hope things get a bit easier for you and we are here for you if wanna speak more
    x
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    DistractionDistraction Posts: 449 Listening Ear
    Hey,

    thanks for the warm replies guys, its appreciated.

    Lucy, it's just a feeling that's been growing slowly over time and at points it gets a little much to deal with.  I just feel like nothings real, I'm stuck in my head and can't see a bigger picture.

    Not every day is a bad day, some are pretty good, it's not all gloom, it's just I don't feel right, I discard a lot and it always lingers about.

    Shaunie, my step mum would listen if I ever needed to talk but I don't think she quite gets the feelings of it, we can talk about what happened in the past and all but thats not the problem, its what I'm left feeling like, it doesn't really matter what actually happened, its the emotions I can't grasp, it's overwhelming and I think I try to block them,  I can't explain it to her when I don't really know whats going on myself, you know.

    My mind is empty and so is everything else, I just feel like shell, like I don't have a personality anymore  
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,851 Extreme Poster
    Hey :)

    I know it can be worrying - you start feeling as if all your hard work and effort has been wasted, and that you're going back to how you were. But having a few bumps along the road is normal! The fact that these bad periods are now bumps, where they were once the road itself (so to speak), shows how much you've improved! But also, sometimes we take a step back to go two steps forward - our body is going through changes, so it needs to adjust and get it wrong sometimes. Have courage - you're well on the road to recovery!x

    Much love <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Distraction said:

    Not every day is a bad day, some are pretty good, it's not all gloom, it's just I don't feel right, I discard a lot and it always lingers about.

    Do you journal how you feel? Might be good to see why some days are good and some days are not. & is never good to discard how you feel as it all builds up but good you realise. <3


    I also feel empty a lot too. Do you know why you feel empty? Got any hobbies or things you enjoy or find any meaning in life?

    how are you today?
    hope today is a better day




    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    DistractionDistraction Posts: 449 Listening Ear

    Not a fan of journaling but thanks for thinking of it :)

    I think I feel empty because I don't feel like I have anyone close to me, someone who I know will stay no matter what. My stepmum (who is the closest thing to me) keeps saying maybe one of us should leave whenever we get into arguments, I know its just in the heat of the moment stuff but she really feels it and it's like I'm always on my toes, I started college again recently and all I can think about is how long it'll take to get to and through uni after and thinking about still being at home in a few years, I'll be like 26 or something, it's a bit stressful looking that far into the future but I feel like I'm wasting time going to college instead of working and earning money.

     I think once I'm sorted in a career it'll be ok, I feel like I'm letting them down as I took a few years out and went back to college at 21, if I went to uni it might have been alright, I know their disappointed

    today I'm good, just feel like crap lol 

    Thank you xx 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy!

    i just wanted to let you know how well you're doing. You seem like you're really trying and that takes a lot <3. I can hear how it can feel like a lot of pressure and like you have missed out on time. I feel like everyone thinks that's at some point in their lives. We are all on our own path to finding whatever we want - takes a while to know what you wanna do and there's no time limit on that. Everyone's doing all sorts of things at different ages. I know it's hard to not compare to other people, even people who are at college who are younger than you may end up realising it not what they wanted to do and start it all over again or do something else or go to uni and realise it's not what they should of done. But it's all okay, we learn and not everything goes the way we want in the time and we are all just take one day at a time and doing our best <3

    its also really hard when feel like there's tension from arguements. When I argue with my family I just try to remember that arguments are okay and sometimes just not aviodable and bound to happen. But I understand that soemtimes it's too much. People do say some stuff in the heat of the moment that can be really hurtful. It can sometimes help to talk about how makes you feel


    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    DistractionDistraction Posts: 449 Listening Ear
    Hi :),

    I appreciate all of what you said, thank you x 
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