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Unsure of sexuality

Hi All,
I'm hoping someone can give me some guidance on what I should do.

I basically have gay thoughts and also straight thoughts when I'm masterbating. I also watch gay and straight porn. I guess this makes me bisexual, which I can come to terms with.

However this girl I have been talking to, I think really likes me and I like her and I would like to have a relationship with her. However from the gay thoughts I have, I want to have some fun with another man too.

What should I do, should I tell her that I'm Bi and then trying and have a relationship with her and try to block out the gay thoughts, or should I experiment with another man first and see how I feel and take it from their.

Any guidance word be much appreciated.




  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,420 Skive's The Limit
    I think you should do what you feel comfortable with and be with who ever you like atm - female or male -  without wanting to 'see' if you're gay or not and just like who you like and don't need to put a label on it but you don't need to completly block it out either. 

    But you you can watch gay porn without being gay. Though I am female. But have watched lesbain stuff in past and prefer it. Sometimes you don't want your sexual fantasies to happen in real life - i don’t know if Im sure I completly do atm anyways. 

    Why would need to put label atm? - can help you identify yourself but sounds like could put barriers up. 

    But that is just my opinion. I'm sure you will make your decision that feels right for you

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    It's great that you're beginning to explore your sexuality @George ! Well done for talking so openly. 

    First, I would say that however you identify is absolutely valid. You don't even have to put a label on it if you don't want to. Personally, I identify as biromantic/bisexual. I came out at 14 but I didn't have my first same sex experience until I was 19. Up until then, I had been in several relationships with men. 

    It's important to note that you can be bisexual and maintain a loving, healthy relationship without acting on your desire to be intimate with another man. Just as you can be in a relationship with a woman, and not act on your desire to be with another woman. Being bisexual in a "straight passing" relationship is totally valid, and doesn't make you less bisexual. 

    My advice is to be upfront with any potential partner about your bisexuality/curiousity. Establish whether or not exploring your sexuality outside of the relationship is okay (i.e. an open relationship) or if your intentions are to be exclusive. In which case, you would have to evaluate your feelings and decide if you want to commit to being with one gender for the time being. 

    Good luck!
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,788 Extreme Poster
    Hey George,

    If you took everything else away from you and left the label of 'bisexual', would that still define you? No! If you like guys, great! If you like girls, awesome! Don't confine yourself to a label for no reason - love who you love!x

    Much love <3
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