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Talking to people

Hi all,
I quite a lonely person and when I meet some one I'm able to make small talk with them, but after that I'm unable to have full conversation - I don't know what to talk to them about.

Recently I've met this girl I really like, but I don't know how to ask her out without getting anxious and I also worry what to talk to her about and how to have a conversation with her.

Does any one have any tips on what I can do, or how I can have enjoyable conversations with people.

Thanks

George


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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,558 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy

    I find this hard too. But you said you can do smal talk? Small talk can lead to more in-depth conversations when let them. Like asking someone what they've done over the weekend and then you get to find out their hobbies and conversations can lead to other conversations that are less 'small' & if don't know what to talk about sometimes, is okay having silence isn't bad. And I know sometimes In my head i get stressed thinking about what else going to speak about instead of listening to other person lol but then I miss out on more conversation stressing about what to think about to say when people things to say about what they're talking about and just being interested in what people are saying ect and getting to know them and general stuff. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    MsBingoMsBingo Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hi George,

    I have this problem too sometimes. It can be hard to move the conversation from small talk to something deeper. I'm guessing lots of people feel the same!

    Is there anything in particular that you like about this girl? Maybe her sense of style, music taste etc
    Do you know much about her interests?

    Asking people questions about their life and views can also be a really good way to get to know them. What is your dream job? Are you a cat or a dog person? Did you see that story in the news about .......? What do you think about veganism?

    Although this might be small talk, this can open up up avenues for deeper conversation with someone as something they might say might pique your interest and then you can dig deeper. You might find you agree with things they say and have common interests, or you might disagree, both can lead to great conversations.

    II use these things to get to know people. I hope you find them useful!


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    chubbydumplingchubbydumpling Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    Hi @George

    I experience this a lot too. I deal with anxiety, particularly social anxiety, on a daily basis. I find that the best way to have interesting conversations is to have a wide variety of interesting things to say. I often found myself at a loss for what to say to new people until I realised that I hadn't really been getting out much or engaging with hobbies that I was passionate about. So I joined a few clubs in my local area and some online forums to start chatting to people and indulge my hobbies at the same time. 

    Having a whole, enriching social life outside of a romantic relationship is the key goal I think. You need a strong foundation and sense of self before you enter into a relationship. That way, you'll have lots to talk about.
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,914 Extreme Poster
    Hey George,

    When it comes to conversation, there's ways to stem through conversation by using someone else's talking as a guide. For example, if someone mentions they like dogs, topics like 'pets', 'outdoors', 'home life' etc can come up easily! 

    There's lots of guides online on how to move past the ice-breaker phase of conversation - I'd recommend investing some time on them! Good luck!x

    Much love <3
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    peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    Hey George,

    I can completely relate! It can be so awkward to go past the small talk sometimes, and it can be hard to know what to say. I think it's okay not to know what to say sometimes; like Shaunie said, silence is okay, too. 

    I agree with what others have said here, I think it's easiest for small talk to start flowing into more meaningful conversation if you ask about the other person (like others said, even just small things like "did you do anything interesting recently?" or "what do you like to do?" or even "dogs or cats?" etc.) and get to know them, and try and relate to them where you can. Being a good listener and learning about other people can be really interesting, and you can be amazed to find out what you might have in common! Of course, it's good to talk about yourself too, but the point of a conversation is that it involves more than just one person.

    Sometimes, I think it's totally cool to initiate more debate-worthy topics straightaway if both people are quite comfortable with each other though, of course, it's key to check that the other person is cool with talking about that subject. For example, a friend in my school and I sometimes talk about more sensitive topics (e.g. things to do with how our upbringing and childhood affects our personalities and points of views now) just straight off the bat, even though we're not especially close (she has quite an open and upfront personality, and I'm open to discuss most things outside my family).

    I think what's most important is to remember that, sometimes, certain types of people, or specific individuals, naturally have personalities and characters that complement each other well, and others not so well. It's nothing bad or personal, I think it's just naturally the case sometimes and there's not necessarily anything you ought to do about it. It's good to keep an open-mind and try get on with who we can, but we can't get on with everyone, and that's completely fine.

    -peachysoo
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