Just need comforting please

I have already complained for about 7 times now but this is the only way of letting it out without feeling stupid. My mum found out I was 'going through things' and she acted like she was calm. I had a breakdown at school and had to go home. She found out that I self-harm. Did she keep asking me why? didn't it hurt? (it didn't help that I was fully ashamed) Seeing my family isn't the same, everyone prefers my cousins. I am very clumsy and due to my mistakes, I have been told by my mum that she wishes I would go live with my dad (he has never been around). I guess lots of parents say the same too when they are angry, especially if they are African. I had gone to camhs but they said that i only have emotional regulation problems. I didnt tell them i self-harm.

I only self-harm because i wanted to get back at the people being rude to me. Nope just another dramatic episode from me again. I want to fullly hate them but its so easy to forgive people and by just saying hi, i get filled with mania. I hate this so much. im a black 16 year old boy and im a bitch to everyone. I want to stop feeling shit. im ugly,fat,dumb, and what's worse is i didnt even have a bad childhood so theres no reason for me to be like this. just please comfort me because cause i have nothing else right now.

[edited by moderator]

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Comments

Former Member

Hey @Past User, I'm sorry you're going through all this. You sound really miserable. I just wanted to send hugs and best wishes. Also feel free to let things out as much as you want.

Siena

Hi I’m sorry you’re feeling this way

self harming is nothing to feel ashamed about — don’t have to deal with it alone. Do you think you would tell Camhs when you self-harm.? It may help them to understand your emotions more

Sometimes people don’t mean what they say when they’re angry and maybe your mum didn’t mean it

& you can still have all these feelings - with a bad childhood or not. Your feelings are valid.

Hope youre feeling lil bit better soon

[edited by moderator]

Former Member

Hey @Past User I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling right now. Like @Shaunie said, you have nothing to be ashamed of, so please do keep talking to us here, we are here for you

I understand you feel like you didn't have a "bad childhood" so shouldn't be "like this" but your feelings are still valid and you are still important. I think talking to camhs about your self-harm might help, if they can fully understand what you are going through? What do you think?

Sending hugs and hope you are feeling OK today

- Lucy

Former Member

I have recently stopped self harming coz I realised that I wasnt allowed to let my anger out at home but used to inflict on myself but now I think Im better at saying how Im actually feeling rather than just turning my anger inwards and hating what I look like and do etc, bit I still struggle with this a lot

lil xxxxxxxx