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Loss of a Friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
in Sex & Relationships
I know that sometimes these topics can be triggering or upsetting for some, so just putting a little warning here that his post deals with grief and guilt and death. If you are struggling with this right now and don't think you can handle the read, I understand completely, thank you for coming and reading this much anyway. <3 

I am not really looking for advice or anything in particular by posting this, but if anyone wants to comment or say anything I would appreciate kind words or anything really right now. 

It's been a difficult couple of hours since I have found out that a friend of mine has passed away unexpectedly. There isn't much details besides the unexpected part and that he was alone in his new apartment at the time... This news is hitting me pretty hard, not that because we were super super close or anything like that, but it's because of the guilt that I feel. He had an amazing small online community and really promoted a lot of good things and wanted to do so much good for the world despite fighting his own demons daily. This small community of his have hit some road bumps due to break ups and some drama and I am afraid I almost became non-existant in that community of his due to it. I kept in touch via private messages and such for a while but those stopped eventually too. His server that I was in one day disappeared on Discord for me and after being so inactive for a while I thought it would be embarrassing to ask to be let back in or invited back...so I never asked. I saw so much passion and good from him for knowing him over a year and he was always there to listen to his community, for whatever we needed. I never got to tell him that I saw him as a light in this world... I never really got to say anything to him before finding out today about this news. I didn't even expect for this news to hit me so hard this evening due to not being around so much and not being as close as I was, but it is those reasons that I am hurting hard. I know I shouldn't feel guilt and I know he wouldn't want me to feel guilt either, but it's a heavy weight right now. 

I am getting quite tired so I might try to sleep, but I needed to pour this out somewhere for people to listen or read or hear me as I don't think I have anywhere else to go, so my apologies for such a difficult topic, but I am grateful to have this outlet when it feels like I have no where else to go or no one else to talk to about this. 

Violet

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster

    Hey Violet,


    Oh, buddy... :'( I'm sorry, that's really sad <3


    I get where you're coming from. I can definitely assure you that you don't need to feel guilty, but I know it's not that simple. I know I sadly can't help with how you're feeling, but I want you to know that I empathise and care.


    Don't apologise (for it being a difficult topic), and feel free to talk as much as you need <3

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,675 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2018
    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. 

    All your feeling are natural and expected. Including guilt and think guilt is what many people feel. Death is a massive thing and grief is complex and is different for everyone.  Although I do not think you should be feeling guilty at all but I think it is learning about how to accept your feelings and process them. And although it hurts a lot right now and feel a lot of sense of loss. as cliche may sound but true as it is - it does get better  - and soon the loss feeling will be more filled with love and only the memories of how much of a lovely person he was. 

    I really do hope writing down here has helped you in some way and that you managed to get some sleep. Do you have anyone else you can speak to?

    We we are here for you <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    I just wanted to echo Kathleen and shaunie and say all these feelings you are experiencing are valid especially guilt but you shouldn't feel guilt about it x 

    Beverement is hard so don't face it alone, we're all here for you if you want to talk about it more xo

    The NHS have an article if you feel you would benefit from learning about how bereavement takes form:
    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/coping-with-bereavement/

    Theres also a site with a helpline if you feel like reaching out: https://www.cruse.org.uk

    Keep us updated with how you're feeling and stay strong <3
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,041 Boards Champion
    So sorry to hear that - we're all here for you! Stay strongx

    Much love <3
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    So sorry for your loss. I know how easy it is to feel guilty but please try not to... It's not your fault. Please reach out if you want to talk some more <3
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