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AbigailAbigail Posts: 474 Rampant Poster
I've been in denial this past week. Who am I kidding past month about where my life is at at the moment, where should I be what should I be doing and do I still enjoy doing it. It's coursed me to have panic attacks wanting to scream and walking away from people.

Most people don't believe me when i say i fail something in college as they don't associates me with failing the associate me with high grades and confidence. Ive had 4 assignment in this week
 ▪a presentation 
I messed that up
 ▪ a solo performing 1 song
I messed that up and failed it. I could play that song in my sleep 
 ▪ A group performance 
I kept messing the chords up 
 ▪ English mock exam 
I could only do 2 question on the paper. Been asked to finish it when I feel better. 

The question is when will I feel better when will this pain go away the failure the your useless pain. I know this is nothing compared to you what some of you go throw I go that as well. So when I hear people saying things about death and thoughts I go through that i know people who have nearly done it doesn't mean I need to hear about it 24/7 by the way not having a go at anyone here I promise. 

Carer, Family support worker, Education, Being bullied, having an Eating disorder, anxiety, dyslexia, autism - I deal with them all day in day out. If you feel like a decent human maybe ask those around you who are quiet today and ask them how are you? Show them you care. 
Some people think i am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking
Laine

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 2,546 Mega Poster
    edited December 9
    I’m sorry you feel like you’re failing. You are trying your best though - with what you can while you have things going on. Which I don’t actually see as failing. 

    Hope you keep seeking help from here & those other sites you use. 


    Take care 
    There is some comfort in what we know. Even if that is deep in depression. I think i now more understand the quote of -life starts outside of your comfort zone. 
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 1,877 Postholic
    Heey, I'm sorry you're feeling like this, is there anyway you can re-do the assignments? as for not knowing where you should be, try not to stress about it too much, we're all different and you can't compare what you're doing to what someone else is doing, you have a lot of barriers to overcome which others don't and personally I think you're doing great! do you receive any extra support from college? 


    no one can answer the question when you will feel better, but you can take steps in order to cope a bit better, like accessing support, practising self care and taking some time to do the things that you enjoy doing. try and take it easy and hope things start looking up for you soon!
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 861 Incredible Poster
    I will definitely make sure the people around me today are okay x

    Seconding what bubbles said is there anyway you can re-do your assignments? 

    It's because you're stupid or a failure but because you're going through a very hard time right now and that's affecting how you do things. 

    I'm sorry about how you're feeling right now have you talked to anyone about it? 

    It sounds like you need a break from the boards and possibly chat if it's upsetting you right now?  

    We're all here for you xo

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 


    "So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older" ~ Avicii

    "
    All I do is sit and think about you If I choose then I lose.
    Distract my brain from the terrible news
    It's not living if it's not with you" ~ The 1975

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • AbigailAbigail Posts: 474 Rampant Poster
    Continued to have a bad day with counting to 6 going 1 2 5 6 pretty certain thats wrong? As well as a few other thing besides that but last time i ranted about something going on in college it was took the slightly wrong way and it even happens in college I will just say I've acted like a massive cunt to my friend today ... at least I can say i have 1 person who will always be there for me in that place. 

    @BubblesGoesBoo the assignments to have resubmissions but i have to get above a pass to do the resub. Do receive support from college they are as much use as a chocolate firegaurd. 

    @laine it's because I feel both of those thing. Feeling like a failure and feeling stupid for having bad day. I got told off 'jokingly' for crying in college on wednesday that was how low i was. It's my first week week in nearly 2 years where I am dealing with this time of the year on my own without counselling yeah I know where site our if i need replacement chats but they don't know me as well as my counsellor does. Why do you think I've spent time in GC? For me that is my break I need somewhere to be when I don't have counsellor if SC is to much or to busy and i feel a anxiety coming on its where I go. My aim is to 'try' and be friends with Wayne we all know how that could turn out 😂😂.

    Hope your both well. 
    Some people think i am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 4,734 Supreme Poster
    Hey Abigal,

    Just wanted to pop on to see how you are doing? :heart:


    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • AifeAife Posts: 1,306 Moderator
    Hey everyone,

    I've just edited and deleted a few comments on here to keep this thread focused on support. 

    Remember it's a really positive thing when someone reaches out for support and we all express our feelings in different ways. Sometimes things can get misinterpreted when we're reading something online. We never really know everything that's going on in someone's life so it's important to be friendly and supportive to each other. If there's anything that's upset you on the boards or chat, you can always PM The Mix to talk it through :) 

    @Abigail It's really positive that you've reached out for support. Everyone is deserving of support no matter how small or big you might feel what you're going through is. You're important too <3 

    How are you feeling today? 
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