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AbigailAbigail Carer/musicianPosts: 578 Extreme Poster
I've been in denial this past week. Who am I kidding past month about where my life is at at the moment, where should I be what should I be doing and do I still enjoy doing it. It's coursed me to have panic attacks wanting to scream and walking away from people.

Most people don't believe me when i say i fail something in college as they don't associates me with failing the associate me with high grades and confidence. Ive had 4 assignment in this week
 ▪a presentation 
I messed that up
 ▪ a solo performing 1 song
I messed that up and failed it. I could play that song in my sleep 
 ▪ A group performance 
I kept messing the chords up 
 ▪ English mock exam 
I could only do 2 question on the paper. Been asked to finish it when I feel better. 

The question is when will I feel better when will this pain go away the failure the your useless pain. I know this is nothing compared to you what some of you go throw I go that as well. So when I hear people saying things about death and thoughts I go through that i know people who have nearly done it doesn't mean I need to hear about it 24/7 by the way not having a go at anyone here I promise. 

Carer, Family support worker, Education, Being bullied, having an Eating disorder, anxiety, dyslexia, autism - I deal with them all day in day out. If you feel like a decent human maybe ask those around you who are quiet today and ask them how are you? Show them you care. 
Some people think i am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking
Laine

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 4,122 Uber Poster
    edited December 2018
    I’m sorry you feel like you’re failing. You are trying your best though - with what you can while you have things going on. Which I don’t actually see as failing. 

    Hope you keep seeking help from here & those other sites you use. 


    Take care 
    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 2,144 Mega Poster
    Heey, I'm sorry you're feeling like this, is there anyway you can re-do the assignments? as for not knowing where you should be, try not to stress about it too much, we're all different and you can't compare what you're doing to what someone else is doing, you have a lot of barriers to overcome which others don't and personally I think you're doing great! do you receive any extra support from college? 


    no one can answer the question when you will feel better, but you can take steps in order to cope a bit better, like accessing support, practising self care and taking some time to do the things that you enjoy doing. try and take it easy and hope things start looking up for you soon!
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,217 Fanatical Poster
    I will definitely make sure the people around me today are okay x

    Seconding what bubbles said is there anyway you can re-do your assignments? 

    It's because you're stupid or a failure but because you're going through a very hard time right now and that's affecting how you do things. 

    I'm sorry about how you're feeling right now have you talked to anyone about it? 

    It sounds like you need a break from the boards and possibly chat if it's upsetting you right now?  

    We're all here for you xo

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "I will make you believe you are lovely!" ~ TOP

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • AbigailAbigail Carer/musician Posts: 578 Extreme Poster
    Continued to have a bad day with counting to 6 going 1 2 5 6 pretty certain thats wrong? As well as a few other thing besides that but last time i ranted about something going on in college it was took the slightly wrong way and it even happens in college I will just say I've acted like a massive cunt to my friend today ... at least I can say i have 1 person who will always be there for me in that place. 

    @BubblesGoesBoo the assignments to have resubmissions but i have to get above a pass to do the resub. Do receive support from college they are as much use as a chocolate firegaurd. 

    @laine it's because I feel both of those thing. Feeling like a failure and feeling stupid for having bad day. I got told off 'jokingly' for crying in college on wednesday that was how low i was. It's my first week week in nearly 2 years where I am dealing with this time of the year on my own without counselling yeah I know where site our if i need replacement chats but they don't know me as well as my counsellor does. Why do you think I've spent time in GC? For me that is my break I need somewhere to be when I don't have counsellor if SC is to much or to busy and i feel a anxiety coming on its where I go. My aim is to 'try' and be friends with Wayne we all know how that could turn out 😂😂.

    Hope your both well. 
    Some people think i am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 4,984 Supreme Poster
    Hey Abigal,

    Just wanted to pop on to see how you are doing? :heart:


    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • AifeAife Posts: 1,656 Moderator
    Hey everyone,

    I've just edited and deleted a few comments on here to keep this thread focused on support. 

    Remember it's a really positive thing when someone reaches out for support and we all express our feelings in different ways. Sometimes things can get misinterpreted when we're reading something online. We never really know everything that's going on in someone's life so it's important to be friendly and supportive to each other. If there's anything that's upset you on the boards or chat, you can always PM The Mix to talk it through :) 

    @Abigail It's really positive that you've reached out for support. Everyone is deserving of support no matter how small or big you might feel what you're going through is. You're important too <3 

    How are you feeling today? 
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • AbigailAbigail Carer/musician Posts: 578 Extreme Poster
    Sorry been quiet this week. I've been hiding and typing up essays and everything that goes with college and caring been given some more thing to do so when I need to report the mental health team I have evidence to back up what I am saying not fun but it has to be done. 

    2nd week of being on my own from support. Half way there but the worse is yet to come Christmas then fireworks then maybe the worse will be over then. 9 days till I can drink as well had a ban on it from the 1 Nov to 25 Dec its good to be clean from it though. 
    Baby count down 9 days to go. 3 days left of college. 17 days till my support is back full time. 
    Can i do it? I don't think I can. 
    Some people think i am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking
    Azziman
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 383 Rampant Poster
    Hiya Abi!x

    Keep going strong - you're doing so well!

    Much love <3
  • Lauren223Lauren223 Posts: 19 Fast Newbie
    Hey Abigail!

    Great to see you posting again, I hope you're finding it helpful!

    It sounds like it's been a busy week for you with college, essays and the build up to Christmas. It can be quite daunting this time of year but you're making really positive steps just by coming here. How are you feeling today now college is over for the holidays?
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Miniposter
    Hi @Abigail,

    You are stronger than you think. I know I don't know you but I believe you can do it.

    The pain does go away, you will grow stronger with time. <3
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