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Was it sexual assault?
Former Member
Posts: 4 Newbie
Hey I’m new to this but I’m just looking for advice about a situation that happened which has left me really confused and upset but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting.
I was on a night out a couple of weeks ago and this older guy came over and was dancing with me and kept touching me and stuff, he also kept kissing me and I pulled away lots of times and when he kept wanting to leave and go outside I refused.
When the club was shutting for the night he asked if he could come to my friends house (as that’s where I was going and she was also taking a guy home that she’d met there) and at first I said no but he said that his friends would of gone home and he’d have nowhere to go so I felt bad and said he could come.
When we got back to her house we went into the spare bedroom and I got into bed. I asked him to turn the light off and he said no because he wanted me to watch him get undressed. I said no because I just wanted to sleep and so I got up and turned the light off myself. He then took of his clothes and got into bed and he wouldn’t stop touching me and trying to kiss me, I told him to stop and that I just wanted to sleep but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He then took some of my clothes off even though I said no but at some point I think I stopped telling him no because he wasn’t listening.
Without going into too much detail, I don’t think that we actually had actual sex in the end but he did try and he did other things and got me to do things that I didn’t feel comfortable doing. I also experienced some pain for the next couple of days which I assume is because he was being so forceful.
In the morning he carried on trying to get me to do things and I said no loads of times, he kept saying that I needed to have sex with him because I brought him home so that’s what I agreed to, but I never said that I wanted to have sex with him?
I was admittedly very drunk but I am sure that I didn’t act in a particularly sexual way or in a manner that would have led him on as that’s not me and my friend who I was with agreed that she didn’t think I did.
In the end, I told him he had to leave and he did after a while but not without making some quite nasty comments etc.
Anyway, sorry for this post being so long, thankyou to anybody who takes the time to read it or respond.
I’m just not sure what to do and when it first happened I didn’t think that it had affected me like this at all. Am I over reacting? And is it my fault because I let him stay at my friends house? Thanks again for your help
I was on a night out a couple of weeks ago and this older guy came over and was dancing with me and kept touching me and stuff, he also kept kissing me and I pulled away lots of times and when he kept wanting to leave and go outside I refused.
When the club was shutting for the night he asked if he could come to my friends house (as that’s where I was going and she was also taking a guy home that she’d met there) and at first I said no but he said that his friends would of gone home and he’d have nowhere to go so I felt bad and said he could come.
When we got back to her house we went into the spare bedroom and I got into bed. I asked him to turn the light off and he said no because he wanted me to watch him get undressed. I said no because I just wanted to sleep and so I got up and turned the light off myself. He then took of his clothes and got into bed and he wouldn’t stop touching me and trying to kiss me, I told him to stop and that I just wanted to sleep but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He then took some of my clothes off even though I said no but at some point I think I stopped telling him no because he wasn’t listening.
Without going into too much detail, I don’t think that we actually had actual sex in the end but he did try and he did other things and got me to do things that I didn’t feel comfortable doing. I also experienced some pain for the next couple of days which I assume is because he was being so forceful.
In the morning he carried on trying to get me to do things and I said no loads of times, he kept saying that I needed to have sex with him because I brought him home so that’s what I agreed to, but I never said that I wanted to have sex with him?
I was admittedly very drunk but I am sure that I didn’t act in a particularly sexual way or in a manner that would have led him on as that’s not me and my friend who I was with agreed that she didn’t think I did.
In the end, I told him he had to leave and he did after a while but not without making some quite nasty comments etc.
Anyway, sorry for this post being so long, thankyou to anybody who takes the time to read it or respond.
I’m just not sure what to do and when it first happened I didn’t think that it had affected me like this at all. Am I over reacting? And is it my fault because I let him stay at my friends house? Thanks again for your help
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Comments
Hi
i am so sorry this happened:( . it sounds like sexual assault:(. No one should touch you in sexual way or make you do things you dont want to do. You said no and he should have heard that the first time.
In no way is it your fault for letting him stay at your friends house. You let him stay not let him take control of your body:( - which should never happen when you are not comfortable with it.
You have control of what you do now & is up to you on what do. And i think seeking help on here is a great start - of trying to understand what happened and to process it. And if felt comfortable you could tell someone you trust if thats something you thought would help you.
But dont be afraid to keep reaching out for help when need/want
I totally agree with what @Shaunie has said above, you are NOT overreacting and was absolutely not your fault for having him at your friends house. Him doing anything to you without your explicit consent is not right. I hope this might help put your mind at ease about consent: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/sexual-consent-15356.html
How are you feeling about it all now? I have had a really similar experience myself so please reach out if you want to, I understand partly what you may be going through. Please just know it wasn't your fault and we are here for you
Sending hugs
- Lucy