The mutual support thread

LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
edited November 2018 in Health & Wellbeing
This is a kind of compromise between the direct support of Support Chat (SC), and the specialised support of creating discussions. If you have something on your mind but don't want to create a whole discussion for it, then just pop a comment here.

Alternatively if you feel like you have some advice to give to one of the commenters, then by all means feel free! Just remember to mention them in your comment. 

Consider this thread to be the same as the ranty thread that's quite commonly used; with the only difference being that it's more specialised for support rather than just ranting about something. 

Try to stick to the rules you'd usually abide by in SC, as they are tried and tested and work well. This thread won't be moderated as directly as Support Chat, so it's up to you, the posters, to keep it a safe place for people to get support :)

I'll start.

----

A classmate has just passed on a message from my tutor, telling me to email her. I've been out of college for the past week because I've been trapped in a whirlwind of emotions regarding suicidal urges, so now I have to make the decision whether or not to tell her exactly what's going on, or tell her something vague that won't hold up if she questions it further. It's a massive dilemma because it's so hard to talk about to people T-T
"You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

-Mike

-=-=-=-=-

"Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

-Paul, Childline
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Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 4,299 Uber Poster


    I think you should tell her whatever you feel comfortable with @LabraBell , but if decide to tell her & she is a good friend im sure she will be understanding & supportive. :)

    If anyone has any quick advice on how to cope with phone calls id be really grateful 😊x
    Not using atm cause am stressed and sad and should use different support and have break. 
    littlegemz
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    @Shaunie Thank you. I ended up staring at the screen for ages and just copy-pasted a message I sent to my close friend yesterday and explained. She's really supportive with my mental health so far, so I'd hope to say she'll continue to be now.

    I went on voice chats a few times when I was younger. I would game and talk to people as I did. This helped me with phone calls a bit; although in the end what helped the most is I seem to just switch off the anxiety in a call. One of my first phone calls was with a police officer so naturally I would have been nervous, but I was lucky that they had a reassuring voice lol.

    My advice there would be to see if you can work out why you're struggling with them. I have quite a strong brummy accent (It's not as bad as it used to be, but its still there) so I always worried that the person would judge me for my accent on the other side. When I steeled myself to get past that fear of judgement I found it wasn't as hard as it used to be, to be on the phone. 
     
    Hope that helped :3
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
    Shaunie
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 87 Moderator
    Hey @labrabell ;

    Really love this idea of a supportive thread so thank you for starting this up.

    Very brave decision to tell your tutor about how youve been feeling. Have you heard back from them yet? I'm sure she'll continue to be supportive so long as you're honest with her :) 

    Final question would just be about how you are doing, has the emotional whirlwind subsided now? Really hope you're well, and thanks again for starting this dialogue!  :) 
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    JamJar said:
    Hey @labrabell ;

    Really love this idea of a supportive thread so thank you for starting this up.

    Very brave decision to tell your tutor about how youve been feeling. Have you heard back from them yet? I'm sure she'll continue to be supportive so long as you're honest with her :) 

    Final question would just be about how you are doing, has the emotional whirlwind subsided now? Really hope you're well, and thanks again for starting this dialogue!  :) 
    Thank YOU for liking the thread :3

    I got a response from her not long after posting this. I was pretty emotional about what she said so I couldn't update at the time.

    "Don't think that i wouldnt understand or support you because i have had previous students with the same issues and i've helped them through tough times and im willing to do the same for you."

    It doesn't seem like much but when I first saw that I couldn't stop the tears. It was a huge relief, and for a while after I was feeling better than I have since the issues started.

    Although that's gotten worse again now. I'm getting so distanced from my family, I can't be around my mom or sister without being angry at them any more because their way of thinking is so much different to mine. I'm getting headaches and general tiredness too, and a sudden lack of appetite. I'm still not as bad as I have been, but it's rough.

    I didn't even realise you were a moderator when I first read your message by the way. I don't know why :sweat_smile:

    @Shaunie I've been experiencing the stress pain in my jaw today, similar to what you've spoken about if I recall. I can say I understand now lol.
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
    Shaunie
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,233 Fanatical Poster
    Love this thread idea! <3

    i'll be sure to pop in and try and help the best i can, (and maybe make one myself if grow the backbone haha) 

    best wishes x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "I will make you believe you are lovely!" ~ TOP

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
    LabraBell
  • TinyCatTinyCat Posts: 8 Newbie
    hiya, just messaging so I don't forget about this. its really good idea! it's gonna be good for Friday and Saturday without actual sc : ) 
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    @TinyCat This is what I was thinking about when I made it. Because I can find that I need support when there isn't SC, or even when SC isn't 'til later that day. the only problem is it could be a bit longer between responses, and could be slightly less moderated.
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,233 Fanatical Poster
    Yeah i get that Labrabell but its still good for a good quick reply. i always have the tab open in the background and check often but its hard to keep on top of posts, when its here i will be able to help out more, like ranty thread or hug thread :) the less moderation is valid but mike ed and aife are around a lot and things can always be flagged for them :) 

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "I will make you believe you are lovely!" ~ TOP

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    @laine my thoughts exactly :D
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    I feel really weird recently. Like I don't have any energy but I also have too much. Like I'm buzzing with energy that I physically can't expel 
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
    LaineTinyCat
  • TinyCatTinyCat Posts: 8 Newbie
    Today sucked, I ended up walking home from college crying basically the whole way. Couldn't stop myself tho lol hope I didn't worry anyone driving past 👌👌👌👌
    LabraBellLaine
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    TinyCat said:
    Today sucked, I ended up walking home from college crying basically the whole way. Couldn't stop myself tho lol hope I didn't worry anyone driving past 👌👌👌👌
    Aww, hope you're okay.

    Sometimes it's good to cry. Releasing emotions and all. And if it helps you feel better it's actually not that noticeable when someone's crying unless it's all out sobbing. And since they're driving too, they have the road to concentrate on. You should be okay :P
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
    TinyCat
  • TinyCatTinyCat Posts: 8 Newbie
    Hey, how is everyone? 
    I hope you're all good.

    I've been let down by my friends again so I'm not feeling great.
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    Well I'm doing okay today.

    That doesn't sound good though. Want to talk about it?
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    Aah I forgot to tag you in my last. Sorry @TinyCat

    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 2,159 Mega Poster
    Hoping this works, love the idea for this thread... was gonna talk about it in SC but not sure if it's really that type of thing? but I want to sleep in a bed again and not sure how to go about it … its a trauma thing that I cant sleep in a bed and its a bit embarrassing when im in hospital or in a hotel and have to sleep on the floor lol, so any advice or tips would be much appreciated. just the thought of it scares me and im worried in case it triggers flashbacks. 
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    @BubblesGoesBoo I'm not really in the mindset to give support right now but I'll get back to you if I remember. Maybe ping me a notification and I'll get back when I'm feeling better :P
    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,233 Fanatical Poster
    Hoping this works, love the idea for this thread... was gonna talk about it in SC but not sure if it's really that type of thing? but I want to sleep in a bed again and not sure how to go about it … its a trauma thing that I cant sleep in a bed and its a bit embarrassing when im in hospital or in a hotel and have to sleep on the floor lol, so any advice or tips would be much appreciated. just the thought of it scares me and im worried in case it triggers flashbacks. 
    Sorry to hear that bubbles, x

    in any case all phobias and triggers should be exposed to over time, sleep or lie near the bed, get closer whenever you feel comfortable, it may be every night or every few. then just try laying on top, then slowly in it just for a bit.

    depending on the reason you can use distraction methods, either ones to remind you that you are there and present like grounding, or ones to keep you occupied like breathing, watching something funny, or asmr to calm ect xx

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "I will make you believe you are lovely!" ~ TOP

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • suga__swag_suga__swag_ Posts: 1 Noob
    Hi everyone. Currently i'm in 9th grade and I've had depression and anxiety since 7th grade. I've been getting better these past couple of years and I've been taking medication and talking to a therapist. But recently my thoughts have come back. I've had no motivation to do anything and I've started hating myself and my body more and more. I'm going to talk to my therapist about what's happening but I'm just worried that if my depression comes back what I should do. Also, to add, I have a girlfriend who isn't doing the best and also has depression. Sometimes during lunch she would refuse to eat and I don't want to have to tell her each day to eat food and drink water. I'm scared about telling any of my family or any of my friends about what's happening. 
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 2,159 Mega Poster
    @Laine ; thanks, I sleep right next to my bed so edging closer isn't really a problem... ive been sitting on my bed for a few minutes everyday with something to distract me and that seems to be helping, my friend is coming over later and im hoping I can stay on the bed while we chat as the couch no longer fits in my room. I'm hoping having someone else there will help :)
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 2,159 Mega Poster
    @suga__swag_   I'm sorry you're feeling this way :( How did it go speaking to your therapist about it? It's good you want to support your girlfriend aswell but remember you need to look after yourself too! How do you think your friends and family will react if you told them how you're feeling? Could you speak to your  GP about maybe trying a different medication? or maybe upping your dose if you've found this particular one useful?

    Hope you start to feel better soon :)
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Fanatical Poster
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  • Millie2787Millie2787 Posts: 1,624 Postholic
    Meggles said:
    I just want to have the space and time to just breathe. I feel like I'm always go go go and I never get a moment to myself.
    I've forgotten how to relax.. any tips?
    @meggles umm warm bath , long walks , mindfullness podcasts or when I want to escape/relax I sit in a dark room with earphones listeing to music with a blanket over my head 
    You have a purpose.
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Posts: 1,624 Postholic
    I’m still really struggling to sleep in my bed , tomorrow will be a week since I’ve slept in my bed because of a silly comment - I went to try on Thursday but couldn’t last more than 5 minutes - I suppose it’s a bit of progress as I’ve only managed to get to my door before but I can’t carry on like this it’s killing my back to keep sleeping on the sofa , I’ve tried changing the covers ( well mum did Thursday when I wasn’t at placement ) but it hasn’t make a difference 
    You have a purpose.
    Kasa2103Laine
  • Kasa2103Kasa2103 Kasa Shark Doo Doo Doo Doo United KingdomPosts: 932 Incredible Poster
    😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭😢😭
    I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor. Feeling like a little kid. And I'm still standing after all this time. Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind.  I'm still standing. Yeah yeah yeah. The threats you made were supposed to cut me down.
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,233 Fanatical Poster
    edited November 2018
    I’m still really struggling to sleep in my bed , tomorrow will be a week since I’ve slept in my bed because of a silly comment - I went to try on Thursday but couldn’t last more than 5 minutes - I suppose it’s a bit of progress as I’ve only managed to get to my door before but I can’t carry on like this it’s killing my back to keep sleeping on the sofa , I’ve tried changing the covers ( well mum did Thursday when I wasn’t at placement ) but it hasn’t make a difference 
    Really sorry to hear that Aimee x

    But 5 minutes is still a result it's getting you closer.

    I know it's hard but just keep trying, maybe longer each other?  Try to keep reminding yourself of positive thoughts like the sheets are changed, the windows are closed,  the room had been hoovered. There's no way it can be.  Try breathing exercises and distracting yourself, wear earplug if it helps I have done in the past xo

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "I will make you believe you are lovely!" ~ TOP

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Posts: 1,624 Postholic
    Laine said:
    I’m still really struggling to sleep in my bed , tomorrow will be a week since I’ve slept in my bed because of a silly comment - I went to try on Thursday but couldn’t last more than 5 minutes - I suppose it’s a bit of progress as I’ve only managed to get to my door before but I can’t carry on like this it’s killing my back to keep sleeping on the sofa , I’ve tried changing the covers ( well mum did Thursday when I wasn’t at placement ) but it hasn’t make a difference 
    Really sorry to hear that Aimee x

    But 5 minutes is still a result it's getting you closer.

    I know it's hard but just keep trying, maybe longer each other?  Try to keep reminding yourself of positive thoughts like the sheets are changed, the windows are closed,  the room had been hoovered. There's no way it can be.  Try breathing exercises and distracting yourself, wear earplug if it helps I have done in the past xo
    @laine thank you so much I’m sleeping at my sisters this week to give myself a break and next week will try again but Mum has said if needs be then she’ll swap rooms with me for a couple of days 
    You have a purpose.
    Laine
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,036 The Mix Elder
    Just popping on here to send hugs to all those who may need a hug :heart:


    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
  • LabraBellLabraBell Future paramedic :)Posts: 199 The Mix convert
    I've found myself looking up suicide methods again. I'm itching to break my clean streak of S/H. It's all coming back, all the depressive thoughts.

    I was fine yesterday. Smiling. Normal. happy to be alive. What's changed?

    I'm losing the will again...

    "You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."

    -Mike

    -=-=-=-=-

    "Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."

    -Paul, Childline
    kathleen0172
  • MikeMike Posts: 1,477 Moderator
    edited December 2018
    You guys do a great job of looking after each other in this thread, but I thought I'd drop in with a reminder of crisis support services in case anybody is feeling at or near breaking point with suicidal thoughts:

    • Crisis Messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 if you are feeling in crisis. 
    • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything on your mind in complete confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
    • Papyrus - offer non-judgemental support, advice and information to young people. You can call them at 0800 068 4141. They are open Mon-Fri 10am-10pm and 2-10pm on weekends.

    Not to say this is the case for you right now @LabraBell, but just a reminder that the option is there if you find yourself needing it.

    Keep in mind that breaking a 'clean streak' like that doesn't invalidate that achievement. We have a tendency to give ourselves a hard time when we 'cave', despite being miles ahead of where we used to be (at the start of your journey, could you resist those urges for this long?). That said, obviously best of luck with keeping a handle on it - hang in there. :)

    Also, totally frustrating that drastic changes in emotion don't always have an obvious cause!
    "900 years of time and space and I've never met someone who wasn't important.”

     - The 11th Doctor
    RileyLaineLabraBell
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