ptsd & recovering, thoughts

ellie2000

I were thinking, will i recover if I have been through rape and abuse

what do I do to live  a normal life, it seems like the same feeling I have is when It happened.


wb


Ellie xx

Maisy

Hey Ellie,

So sorry to hear what you have been through. You didn't deserve to go through that at all and it's understandable that such things would be life changing. But it is possible to recover and heal.

First, it might help to think about what recovery means for you. While you may never go back to exactly how you were before the trauma, it doesn't mean that you can't recover. For some, recovery can be being able to deal with flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and other trauma related symptoms in a healthy way (e.g. without self-harming). Others might want to lessen the flashbacks, be able to deal with triggers rather than avoid them, become more confident, find new meaning in their life etc. 

Everyone is affected by trauma differently, and so everyone's recovery journey will be different too. There isn't really such a thing as a 'normal' life, or recovering over a certain amount of time or never getting affected by it again. Recovery, like life in general, is full of ups and downs, but it is entirely possible to live the life that you want to live instead of being held captive by your trauma. 

It seems like you may be struggling a bit at the moment and I'm wondering if you are in therapy at all? Counselling can help provide a safe space to talk about feelings, come up with ways to deal with things you struggle with, and help you to plan for the life you want and reach your goals. 

Also, be sure to be gentle with yourself, engage in self-care and talk to those you trust, especially if you are feeling stressed or low. Recovery can be challenging at times, but worth it! 

ellie2000

im going to a wellbeing clinic, wat do they mean by they're going to do 3 assesments and wat happens after that

ellie2000

I find it hard to talk to people opening up

Maisy

I don't know much about wellbeing clinics, unfortunately, so I don't know for sure about the assessments or what happens after that. Maybe you can call or email to find out?

In general, assessments may focus on what you are struggling with now, what support you already have, what support you could benefit from, and what your goals for recovery are. They may ask about any trauma that you've been through, but it's okay if you don't feel like going into detail. They'll just want to know how best to help you. 

It's understandable that you find it hard to talk to people, I do too. You could always make some notes to take with you if you don't feel like talking much. Remember, you are in control here and you can take control of your recovery.

After the assessments, they may come up with a treatment plan, give medication, refer you to therapy, self-help or support in the community, depending on your needs. But it's good to know that if you disagree with some aspects, you can say and maybe they can find other options to help you instead. Try to be open minded as the goal here is to help you on your way to recovery. 

Former Member

I get kind of deep in this comment, so I'll just apologise for that now. I am also writing this from my own point of view in a way; as in, I'm telling you about what it was like for me. Some of my advice might not apply to you, in which case just ignore it.

I'm sorry to tell you, but we're never going to be the people we were before it happened. Something like that sits deep within you, it attaches to your heart and soul and it changes you. It's impossible to recover what they took away that time.

But we can replace it with something so much stronger. It's up to us whether that change is positive or negative.

You'll struggle to feel normal for more than one day at a time. The pain has become the new normal, it eats away at you and creates a voice that tells you things. It encourages you to hurt yourself, reminds you that you are a burden. That it's your fault. But are you going to believe the voice that was created by the man (or woman, I guess) who caused you this much strife in the first place?

The road to healing starts with accepting that your doubts and urges come from within, and to battle them you have to stop giving that voice... well, a voice! This can be through lots of methods: Listening to music, talking to someone, drawing a picture, writing a diary, even just by telling yourself that the voice has no strength, they're all ways to help yourself heal. Everyone's different, they're going to respond more positively to specific strategies. Step one of healing is to find the strategy that works, and use it.

Step two, is minimising the visual effects. Flashbacks, nightmares, memories, you get the picture. Just like with step one, you have to find what works for you. Perhaps an item of sentimental value keeps you grounded when the visions begin. Perhaps it helps to look around the room and remind yourself that you're in the present, that it's not really happening. Or maybe you would benefit from just closing your eyes and riding the storm. It's all a matter of what works for you, and I can't tell you which one will do better. 

Step 3 is arguably an important step. Rebuilding. You've been stripped down to the bare minimum by the result of your trauma. so now you must focus on rebuilding that mental state, forming layer after reinforced layer to protect you from further harm. Strategies for this are few and far between, and there are no definite ways to do it. You could spend a year building up layers, only to find that you've left something vital out, and it all comes crashing down. But you pick yourself up, and you start to build again. You rebuild yourself with confidence. You have anxiety? Battle that monster and replace it something better. Stutter when you talk to people? Accept it, and believe in your heart that people will accept you for your differences. I make it sound easy, but it's the most difficult step I came across, and I'm still on it now. Have patience; you will heal eventually, and when you do you will be so much better for it. 

Think about yourself like a glass or cup. You can be broken, and put back together. But you'll still be fragile, and never be the same as you were before. Then you can put yourself back together, using super glue, steel and a microscopic attention to detail. You'll still be scarred from the stress you've been through, but you'll be much stronger than the average cup or glass. 

I have a way of speaking that some people may not understand. Especially when it's 5 in the morning and I have no sign of tiredness. T-T. If this is the case for you then I'm sorry. But feel free to PM me, I can talk things through with you if you need. In fact, feel free to PM me in general. I'm happy to help you out in any way I can, be it talking through your current stress, working on one of the steps or just having a chat, I'll be there when I can. I am so sorry, that this has happened to you. You don't deserve it; none of us do. But I am here for you, and I am prepared to be here for you any time you need, because I want to help you get that sense of normality that I once pursued. In my personal case, I stopped pursuing normality and instead sought to bring about positive change in the world instead, but that's not to say wanting to be normal isn't a good option either. You deserve to feel how you want to feel. 

Just remember: You aren't a victim. You are a survivor.

Former Member

Hi @ellie2000, 

You will recover. It just takes time.. Stay strong