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Time commitment in relationships

JawfaceJawface Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
My girlfriend and I work hard. She works harder than me, and as a result we don't get to see each other much. 

We've been going out for 3 months. It's too early to make a big time commitment to each other, so our relationship hasn't progressed very much (we have seen each other 4 times in the last 10 weeks, and it's mostly been quite brief dates). 

I've said that I'd like to see her more, and she's said the same to me. But recently, I've been starting to question how much time she actually wants to put in to our relationship. I asked her if she could spare just a couple of hours this week, and she said she couldn't. I understand that if she's stressed out about her work (which I know that she is) then she might feel bad about setting time aside to see me, but it will mean another period of not seeing each other for 2 weeks, and I don't see how just 2 hours in a week could hurt under any circumstances.

I'm not happy with how much we see each other at the moment, but until now I've been justifying it (and not mentioning my feelings on this to her) since we've had a few holidays away from each other and she did warn me that it would be a busy month for her, and she's told me that we should be able to see each other more in October. But now it's got to the point where I'm questioning if she will ever want to take time out of working to see me.

Should I tell her how I feel about this? We are at an early stage of our relationship, so I don't want to scare her off. But I do have an overarching concern that our relationship will constantly involve me wanting to see her more and her shooting me down with an excuse. 

Comments

  • Tee ATee A Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hey @Jawface ,

    From what you have said, I can see that this has upset you so I hope you are OK :3 

    I can see that you have made an effort with your girlfriend by asking her if it were possible to spend some more time with each other, but you haven't mentioned to her how you feel emotionally. Maybe you could explain to her how a lack of closeness is making you feel. Maybe this could give her an understanding because she may not have perceived the distance in the relationship in the same way as you have.

    Also, you could try to implement a timetable around her work schedule, i.e., pick days when the two of you are free from work and dedicate them to romantic dates, for example. This could help reduce the amount of times you have to ask to see her. 

    I hope my suggestions have helped or given you some ideas on how to deal with the situation. 

    Remember, communication is key. 

    - Tee A  


    peachysoo
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Literally just got here
    Hello @Jawface and welcome to The Mix!

    The heart of every good relationship is spending quality time together, and I think 3 months so far is good, but you must keep talking to her if you plan to deepen your relationship in sharing together more. If she's happy enough to increase her time with you this October as promised, fine. If though she reneges, then it's time to have a serious word.

    In an evening when she doesn't feel like cooking, go round and make dinner, cleaning as you go and make sure you do the washing up. Perhaps bring one of her favourite takeouts?

  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
    Thank you both! 
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 1,097 Wise Owl
    Hi Jawface,

    It's helpful to look at it from another perspective. A lot of people these days have to work extra hard in order to progess in their career, which can take away from other things. I'm sure if she had time on hand, she'd like to spend it with you - the fact that she's willing to meet up with you a few times shows she does want to try! But be patient with her - there'll be a time where she gets a break, and perhaps you can have a proper date then!x

    Much love <3
  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
    Hi Azziman,

    I'm very aware of this; I don't wish to interfere with her career in any way as it's clearly important to her. 

    However, there's no question that it sucks that I can't see her, and that I'm frustrated about it.That's not something I can just brush over; I don't want negative feelings towards her to build up (that is how my last relationship fell apart), hence why I'd like to confront the issue.

    I of course don't intend to approach it in a way so as to demand that she make time for me when she has none. I understand that a lot of people have to work hard and will end up making sacrifices on their personal lives, and I respect that. But I can't just pretend that I'm ok when I'm not, and our relationship isn't functional unless both of us are content.

    Thank you very much for your perspective - would you nonetheless maintain that I should just accept the time that she does give me?
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi @Jawface,

    I'm not surprised you're feeling frustrated about not being able to see her. When you're in a relationship with someone, you want to be able to see them as much as you can and it can be really difficult if something gets in the way of that. I definitely think you should talk to her about how you're feeling. If you're not happy with how things are, then you need to say so because otherwise you might show it in other ways and that's when the relationship breaks down. Talking always makes things better, as long as you make it clear you're not demanding anything from her, just letting her know how you feel. She probably feels the same as you do, frustrated that she can't spend more time with you, and guilty that her work is the reason for that, so talking will help you share those feelings and feel closer. On the other hand, if she doesn't feel the same as you do, maybe that's a flag that you want different things and at least you'll have discovered it early on.
  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
    Yeah I agree, thanks!
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 1,097 Wise Owl
    Jawface said:
    Hi Azziman,

    I'm very aware of this; I don't wish to interfere with her career in any way as it's clearly important to her. 

    However, there's no question that it sucks that I can't see her, and that I'm frustrated about it.That's not something I can just brush over; I don't want negative feelings towards her to build up (that is how my last relationship fell apart), hence why I'd like to confront the issue.

    I of course don't intend to approach it in a way so as to demand that she make time for me when she has none. I understand that a lot of people have to work hard and will end up making sacrifices on their personal lives, and I respect that. But I can't just pretend that I'm ok when I'm not, and our relationship isn't functional unless both of us are content.

    Thank you very much for your perspective - would you nonetheless maintain that I should just accept the time that she does give me?
    Hi Jawface,

    I think that it's important to have some perspective, and understand that she may simply be very busy. But if it's bothering you a lot, then be honest with her and let her know - that's better than let it rumble under the surfacex

    Hope it goes well :)

    Much love <3
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