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My mom's started drinking again

Zoroark18Zoroark18 England. Posts: 7 Newbie
Like the title has said, she's started drinking again, and this time it's not just my paranoia, I found the bottle too. (Alas it seems empty but she'll just buy another and another) 

*Can't post the pic cause I haven't been on here enough* 

All throughout my childhood she drunk, and was an aggressive drunk at that too. She never physically abused me, or my dad, but she did try to harm us mutiple times. 

With it just being me and Mom, I'm concerned. I don't want to tell anyone, due to them never believing me and thinking it's a pry for attention . Dad would believe me but he also works far away too, so I couldn't really ask him. 

To top that off, there's no food in the house and she has to drive me to college in a couple of hours. I really don't know what to do. I'm scared to go near her, especially as I now know she is. 

What should I do? 
TheAprilFool

Comments

  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,123 Fanatical Poster
    Sorry for getting no replies how ate things at the moment are you home?  If you're at home you can ring childline (If you're 19 and under)  or the mix or Samaritans.
    If things get real bad ring social services. 

    You can also seek support from student services at college.

    Sorry this is a rushed reply I can offer more input when I'm home but hope you're okay!  X

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 


    "So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older" ~ Avicii

    "
    All I do is sit and think about you If I choose then I lose.
    Distract my brain from the terrible news
    It's not living if it's not with you" ~ The 1975

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 420 Rampant Poster
    Hey @Zoroark18

    Sounds like a really difficult situation to be in, I'm sorry you are going through this. As @Laine suggested, if you need immediate help it would be best to ring Childline or Samaritans if possible. How was today - did she drive you to college? Hope you are feeling safe??

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 307 Rampant Poster
    Hey Zoroark18,

    I'd agree with Laine and Lucy here - definitely contact someone!x

    Hope that you're okay x

    Much love <3
  • Zoroark18Zoroark18 England. Posts: 7 Newbie
    First off, thank you, @Laine, @Lucy307 ; and @Azziman for replying. 

    Things were okay-ish yesterday. Mom did drive me to college, and she kinda crashed the car into our skip too, no immeadiate damage was done, and we're both alright too. The drive back from college was fine however, and when I got back she seemed mainly okay, especially after she fell asleep. 

    Before that though (just before we headed to college), I did confront her and tell her I knew she was drinking again (I didn't know what else to do). She didn't get aggressive, and instead just said she drank the previous night (Monday), and was currently sober. 

    Today had been okay-ish too. Mom was alright in the morning. She drove me to my friends house and I spent a few hours there. He was concerned (I told him yesterday right after i posted this) but I said things seemed to be looking good again. 

    When she picked me up, she still seemed a little off but still mainly normal. I checked where she hid the bottle when I got back and she'd removed it (it was basically empty). I can't figure out if she started again tonight though. If she has she's most likely hid the bottle elsewhere. 

    I headed to bed early as I didn't want to be down with her (and dad also suggested it). She was a little iffy with that, saying I was scaring her or something, but I just told her I was really tired and didn't feel too well (which is true. I'm only awake now cause she just went to bed 30 mins ago, and I didn't want to sleep till I knew she was in bed. Plus when this happens, I never feel good anyway, cause I'm worried sick).

     I know whats most likely made her start again as well. She says it's cause of this course she's started, but it's cause she's hurting over my grandad passing (I did make a topic about this before, and mentioned my concern about her drinking in it). 

    Normally cause she's a binge drinker she'll stop after some time, so I'm hoping she'll of stopped by the time I come back from dad's at the weekend. But then again she has drunk constantly for months on end. And she does drink a bottle of vodka a day too when she starts, so you can see where this is going... 

    Anyway, speaking of dad, he's been messaging and calling me when he can (I told him yesterday, while I was talking to above mentioned friend). He's told me I can go to his and stay there if I want, and as I'm 18 I can also legally move out and get an apartment too, if things were too go that bad. 

    I've lived with my dad so many times, and every time I'm filled with fear (of her catching me leaving) and also pain, as I love my mom and want to stay with her. I don't want to have to keep doing it. 

    I believe I'm safe, at least I hope I am. Mom says she'll never hurt me, and even a friend has said she wont but when she drinks she's not herself. If it did get to a point where I was terrified (fully terrified), I would call someone, whether it be dad, the police or a helpline. I may try and find my college mentor too when I'm next in and speak to them about it. 

    Anyway, hoping tomorrow will be a little better. Thank you for all your suggestions. I'll keep updating on here when I can. 
    AzzimanLucy307TheAprilFoolLaine
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 65 Moderator
    Heyy @Zoroark18

    I see you're pretty new to the Mix so welcome, I hope you are finding these open, safe places useful areas to talk honestly. It's been around a week since you last posted on here so my main question is just how this last week has been?? 

    From your last post it sounds like you have a pretty good gauge on the conflicted position you find yourself in. Have you been able to talk to your college mentor about this situation? Sometimes being able to talk to someone who knows you, but who is also external to the family unit, can be insightful. 

    Despite this situation, you seem like your connections with your parents are pretty strong, and you clearly care about your mum a lot :) It's good to see you decided to tell your Dad about this. Do you think your dad would be able to talk to your mum about what's going on or no? 

    Remember that on the Mix, there is always someone who cares, and there is always someone to talk to :)
    TheAprilFool
  • Zoroark18Zoroark18 England. Posts: 7 Newbie
    Hi @JamJar

    Firstly, I'm sorry that its taken me this long to respond. My mental health has been declining rapidly and well I actually forgot about all this till a few days ago, so I thought I'd pop on and see. I am, thank you. I'm glad there's a safe place where we can go and share our thoughts, and concerns, with others who understand what we have gone through/going through. 

    Things started to lighten up which is why I forgot to respond back as things got better. However, for the last couple of months, things have been going downhill for both me and my mom. Moms gone back to drinking, more than before. Shes drinking a bottle of wine (not vodka) a day and is drinking for around a week and a bit and then she'll stop for 3 weeks and then it continues again. As for me, like I said above, my mental health has declined quite a lot and we're looking into getting me on anti-depressants to cope with everything which is going on. Moms drinking is one big part I think as its something I never got over when I was a child, so it still haunts me to this day. 

    I haven't been able to talk to my college mentor as I haven't been going into college. The mix between how I am and moms drinking makes it easier to stay at home. The few times I went in I ran away and scared my mates. Moms happier with me at home where she can see what's going on. We are going to talk to my class tutors though so that's a thing I guess. I have a few online mates who I've been talking to about all of this and they've been as helpful as they can. 

    I do. The main reason why I'm still here is cause I love her that much and I'm all shes got left really. Dads told me that if things get to much, call him, nan or grandad and one will come pick me up and I can stay at his. I can ask him, but it doesn't ever end well. Mom would get defensive and start a fight with him. It's happened when I was younger and mom would end it with trying to physically harm dad. At the moment she's alright. Well as alright as she can be. She's not as violent as she was when I was younger. She just drinks, sleeps and cries. 

    Thank you. I know this kinda falls under mental health as well, so sorry about that. I hope it doesn't break any guidelines as well ^^' 
  • LaineLaine Horse hugger Posts: 1,123 Fanatical Poster
    Don't worry Zoroark everything you have mentioned is fine :)

    I'm sorry to hear it's increased but glad to hear you are safe xo

    It's positive you have online friends :)

    Sorry college hasn't been great, do you find it hard to go in because of it all?  Are you worried they may find out? 

    It's important to look after yourself through it all so remember there's always the Crisis messenger And 1-2-1 on here.  As well as other places if you need them xo

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 


    "So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older" ~ Avicii

    "
    All I do is sit and think about you If I choose then I lose.
    Distract my brain from the terrible news
    It's not living if it's not with you" ~ The 1975

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 65 Moderator
    Welcome back @Zoroark18

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my message. It's very easy after a long period of time to think it's easiest just not to reply, so your communication is highly appreciated :)

    It's great to hear that your Dad is looking out for you as well, sounds like a safe environment to be in. Would you say you have been able to think about how your mum's drinking has affected you more over the past few months?? Have you spoken to anyone else about it? 

    Sorry to hear you haven't been going to college recently. Now that it's the new year, are you going to try and go back?

    Really wishing you a great 2019 and I am so happy that you did return to the Mix. It's not a big deal if you don't reply to this message for another three months ;) just know that if you ever do want a chat, we are only ever a Google search away :) x
  • Zoroark18Zoroark18 England. Posts: 7 Newbie
    Hi Laine and JamJar. Thank you for replying. It's nice to know I can talk to people about all of this. 

    @Laine,

    First things first, I'm happy to be safe too. Moms not been drinking for a couple of weeks, which I'm really happy about. I had a feeling she would of last weekend (she said she wanted too) but she didn't. It's progress. My online friends have been a real help through all of this. Especially regarding my mental health. 

    As for college, well I quit. I didn't want to go back and well once I sent the email, I relaxed immensely. I feel quite a bit more relaxed and happier once I quit. My tutors have said that they'll be happy to let me return if I want too later on. I just feel like one huge weight is gone. 

    The reasons I found it hard was that I wasn't happy and was really behind on my work and just didn't want to be there. I kept getting "flight" feelings, which is why I ran out (My college was by a super busy main road, so I was basically walking on a main road. It was a very stupid and dangerous thing to do, but I wasn't thinking at the time). It was getting hard keeping up the "all is okay" facade I had been putting up and the only bits of happiness I was getting while there was on tumblr and talking to my friends on there. I didn't want to be there, and not even my actual friends could get me to pull through (granted I'm still seeing them as we're meeting up tomorrow).
    I think that may of been apart of it. I didn't want anyone to know and I had been trying so hard to keep these "feelings" covered up. Mom knew immediately (one reason why I think her drinking increased... she was worried). My female bf also knew as I did tell her. Eventually my other mates found out when I ran out of college. I didn't go back after that. 

    I am, to the best of my ability. The thoughts have decreased becoming less active (new years and around a week ago were the worst, but things are a little lighter now). I've been looking into counselling to see if that could help things improve. My female bf also told me about Art Therapy, which I'm thinking about doing. 

    @JamJar,

    I agree there. I normally come on here and then forget and just don't reply until later days. However, I am going to try and be a bit more active on here from now on. Thank you though. 

    I'm very grateful to my dad, as he's always been there for me through all of this (moms drinking. everything else he ignores as he doesnt know how to cope :/) I guess so. I've been thinking about moms drinking a lot (I know its a major part of my meltdowns as its a past trauma which I never got over), and I've even been speaking to her (screaming fits in meltdowns) about it. She kinda wishes I'd just get over it, and I do try, but it's hard too. Long story short, she doesn't really get it or want to talk about it, which is why I'm having to turn to other ways to try and sort it (counselling being the best idea as of now). I have. A couple of my mates know. One who's a really close friend on tumblr and shes been there for me through all of this (both moms drinking and my depressive thoughts and meltdowns). Shes also told me to message her whenever I feel down, upset or freaked. The other is my female bf who kinda doesn't get it but says shes there for me. If anything, I've spoken to my tumblr mate more than my irl one. 

    As for college, I'm not. I thought about it and well I just don't want to. My tutors have wished me all the best and so have my mates too. Mom was fine either way, dad is disappointed. A few people (friends and family) had said though that if I'm that freaked and sad because of it to give it up and by doing so I feel better. I'm going to look into an art route (as well as do some volunteer work at a florists we know, as before I did Horticulture I was studying floristry). 

    Thank you, I hope this year will be better than the last. A new start I suppose. And same to you. 

    Thank you both,

    -Chloe x
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 65 Moderator
    Hey @Zoroark18

    Sounds like you're in a pretty good place right now, and hearing about that potential for an art route is very interesting. Have you always been quite a creative person? 

    Interesting you mentioned you have "trauma". I listened to a great podcast the other day discussing how we live in a traumatised society, and that most people have been traumatised in one way or another but it's about it recognising that and dealing with it. Rather than skirting round the edges of trauma and not addressing it.  In case you feel like a listen I have put the link here:

    Under The Skin with Russell Brand | #053 Gabor Maté - Damaged Leaders Rule An Addicted World!

    Besides that, I'm glad to hear you're back on the Mix and that you have people to talk to about what you're going through :) 

    Happy 2019, here's to a great one! 
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