Wanting a child

Former Member

Hello my name is Shola and I am 20 years of age. I have been talking to my mother and I think some other people about wanting to have a baby in the near future after I graduate from college in two years time when I am about 22 or 23. I really want to ask whether it was normal for me to feel this way and whether it is ok for me to want a child in my twenties?

[Deleted User]

Hey @Sholay09

Oh yes, my girlfriend Ines says, for you to want a child in your early twenties is completely normal. She's older than me and is already a mum. Well, personally as a lover of children I think to be loved by a child is one of the sweetest gifts we could ever ask for. On reflection, having a child would help rewrite, even define those moments of our own innocent childhood long since gone. Therefore we would be giving ourselves more happiness, love and laughter. Having a child is one of the best gifts we could ever have, so yeah, what you're feeling and wanting is pretty much in-line to my feelings. 

A small child’s love is unconditional. So to have it climb up onto us would be a wonderful feeling. I have always wanted to get pregnant (by IVF) because it would fulfill my greatest need to give unconditional love, and shelter and food to bring up my child. Before writing this I talked to Ines over this morning's coffee. She's already a mum.

Ines warns though that having a child brings enormous responsibilities and questions. She asked, would I be ready in say, a few year's time? And would you be ready? Emotionally, she says we'd have to be more emotionally mature and be ready to hurt when our children hurt. Also, you like her would do anything to keep our children safe and happy, though Ines also warns that young children are very hard work for young mothers. Kids cotton on quickly about branded goods for example. Lol, amazing but it's true. If they can't have what they want, they're sure gonna let you know. Loudly. I don't doubt it.

In her late twenties my girlfriend is wise and understanding. (I'm 18). I like that she is. Ines warns that having a child could impact on relationships, too, not just our's after we marry. For example, she asks what would it feel like if one of you is too tired for sex and intimacy because kids can be downright tiring. Or one could be too tired for talking or from coming home after a long day only to see your partner worn to a frazzle by their noisy kids. She also said that having children doesn’t come with a manual and each mother-child relationship is different, for everyone who wants a child.

I thanked her. Ines certainly raised some good thoughts. I hope they were as useful to you as they were for me.

Best wishes,

Mandy

Siena

If its what you want; its totally okay

Azziman

Sholay09 said:

Hello my name is Shola and I am 20 years of age. I have been talking to my mother and I think some other people about wanting to have a baby in the near future after I graduate from college in two years time when I am about 22 or 23. I really want to ask whether it was normal for me to feel this way and whether it is ok for me to want a child in my twenties?

Hi Shola,

Is it okay? Absolutely - it's your choice as to when you decide to have a child!x

Much love

Former Member

It's totally up to you when you want a child if you feel ready go for it!  It's great that your getting your studies out the way,  already proves you're smart and level headed

You'll be a great parent one day x

[Deleted User]

I'm agreeing with @Past User here, but choose your boyfriend carefully, for not all guys want to be fathers because of the enormous responsibility in providing for you and your child in a loving relationship built on love, trust and committment. When your child grows into a toddler he or she will want to connect with their father. It's the natural way of children.

I know of a single woman with a young son whose boyfriend deserted her. It's so sad and hard for her, because not many guys want to be dating a single woman with a child. In her eyes it's "Love me, love my child." Which is how it should be! Sadly, life doesn't always go that ideal way, and my friend remains looking.

I give her employment, though. She's a good trustworthy worker. I look out for her as do my family, but she realises now that so many guys, once they see she's got a child - off they go. He's such a lovely boy, too.