Result of a bad date

Former Member

So a year ago to this date I went on a date with someone who was 11 years older then me (that I knew from work) and he owes me £750 because I felt sorry for him. He told me that his dad had cancer and that his dad was the one providing the money for the family and I felt sorry for him so I lent him the money to help his family but he isn't paying me back. its annoyed me because shortly after the date I found out from another member of staff that he had lied about his dad having cancer and he was just using it as an excuse because he needed the money and the fact that my cousin was going through cancer at the time he thought that by making that excuse up it would have an effect on me and I stupidly listened because it did in fact have an impact on me. He has been sending letters to my address saying we owe him money which is certainly not the case.

Anyway today I went through an horrible experience where I was in town on my own and he came up to me and started having an argument with me because of the fact I took it to court because of him owing me money and because of the big lie that happened in the first place for me to lend the money. It got really out of hand the argument and he ended up getting his friends on me and as a result of it the police were called and I have ended up with a black eye. Because of the condition I am in (I'm pregnant) I have been told to go to the hospital as a caution because of what happened. I just kept walking when I saw him in town but he followed me and then that's how the argument started and then things got worse.

This situation has really shaken me up and I don't know how I am going to get over it. It doesn't help that I have a black eye and I don't know how I'm going to go to work tomorrow , I work at  a school, with the fact that I have a black eye because I'm likely to get questions and I don't feel I can tell them whats really happened and if I say that it was an accident or I don't want to talk about it then the teachers I work with may think something has happened at home and that wont be good considering my mum works in the same school.

any advice needed on how to deal with this would be much appreciated

Azziman

Hi 123lozza123,

That's terrible, I'm so sorry to hear that! 

I think that you really have a couple of options, and lying isn't one of them. If someone asks, you can either tell them that you don't want to talk about it (they will make their own conclusions, but if they are respectful they will leave it at that), or you tell them the truth. If you do tell the truth, no one is going to have a go at you - they will all be on your side because you did a nice thing for someone, and was repaid with lies and assault.

As for your mother, working at the same place will probably mean that word gets to her at some point. I think that it's best to tell your mother the truth to make sure she knows the correct story, and not some distorted story with mistaken or misheard details.

You mentioned that you met the guy from work - does he still work at the school with you? If so, you can also report this to the school, who will discipline him for causing harm to another colleague. 

I'm not going to waste my time on what I think of the guy. Lying about cancer to steal money, harassing people for money he wrongly feels entitled to, and organising a group attack on a pregnant woman says it all. Every single person with an inch of humanity within them stands with you. Don't give up. Do what is right, and deliver justice x

Much love

Former Member

Hi Azziman. 

Thanks for the reply. I had such an horrible experience.

I know I have a couple of options and I know lying isn't one of them.  When I went into school on the Friday after it happened on the Thursday the teaching assistant in the classroom that I helped in took me straight out to have a private chat because she was concerned about why I had a black eye. What happened was she then asked me how I got the black eye so I told her what happened yesterday (as in what this post is about ) and as I told her I started shaking and she was like I’m so sorry you went through that and your so brave to come in today (Friday) and I was like I felt I had to because if I didn’t I thought u would be worried and she said we would have but if you couldn’t have come in then u could have told ur mum (as she works in the same school)  to let us know why and we would have perfectly understood. I said I just feel if I carry on and try and not let him get to me it’s probably the best thing to do! And she agreed with me. We then went back to the classroom and she said she would pass it on to the other teacher who also said I was being brave!

My mum does know the truth as I was so shaken up after it happened. 

I met the guy at work when I worked in retail which I quit as soon as  I found out that he lied about his dad having cancer because I couldn't stand being around him because I knew it would have just caused problems in the work place if  I was to stay there. We no longer work in the same setting and I try to avoid going into the shop when I know he is working so that no problems are caused although that's difficult because he has now got longer hours during the week and weekends when he doesn't work is always busy. 

I don't like him one bit and too be honest he might not know that I'm pregnant because its not that noticeable at the moment but its still not right  for him to get his mates on me. ive never been so scared in my life and talking about it 2 days on is still making me shake and its hard to talk about. I still cant believe he lied about cancer in order to get the money and even worse is the fact he knew that my cousin was going through chemo at the time and I was worried abut him and ive lost some people to cancer over the years and my friends 2 yr old son is also going through it at the moment. I'm just really struggling to deal with this whole situation.

the many people I have spoken to about this problem have all agreed with what you have said and I'm just hoping that he gets what he deserves. 

Thanks for the reply, any advice is much appreciated 

Former Member

Heey Lozza

I'm sorry about what happened. You are really brave and im glad you were honest with work about it, that way they can help support you. Did the police do anything about it? sending hugs!   

Former Member

Hi BubblesGoesBoo 
Thanks for the reply 
It’s been so hard with what’s happened. I had no choice but to tell work what’ happened considering I couldn’t go hide it but im glad I did because they were so supportive. I just had to email the brownie leader that I normally help on a Friday because I i didnt go yesterday and she has asked why I wasn’t the there so I have been honest with her and hope she will have a good response.
yes the police are dealing with it
thanks for these replies its making me feel slightly better with what been said 

Former Member

No problem, We're always here I'm glad people are being so supportive! also glad the police are dealing with it  

Siena

I’m so sorry this happened. . Its a horrible situation to be in.
I agree with everything everyone has said above

We’re all supporting you & are listening. Hope youre doing as well as can be today

Former Member

Hi BubbleGoesBoo, thanks for the reply, I’m starting to struggle again right now considering I got asked questions about my black eye at school today considering one of the teaching assistants that I work with doesn’t work Fridays and therefore was unaware of what happened on Thursday last week and my driving instructor asked me questions today. The teachers I have told were so supportive though!  The police are dealing with it but at the same time its stressing me out because of the fact I must write a statement, and everything needs to be taken seriously and I have too much going on right now to have this to deal with too be honest. I`m trying to be strong but its so hard when at times I just feel like giving up. Also, in a dilemma about the fact I’m baby sitting on Wednesday and whether I should tell the parents of the children I’m baby sitting what has happened.

 

Hi Shaunie. Thanks for the reply and I know what has happened hasn’t been good and its not been easy since. I have been insecure and hate going out and its really knocked my confidence down. I go into town every Tuesday and Thursday when my mum is swimming and right now I don’t know if I feel I can go out tomorrow because I will be alone again, and I don’t want the risk of anything else happening to be honest but at the same time I don’t want to feel that he has got to me and that’s going to stop me going out. I am at a low point right now too be honest. Look at my reply that I have sent linked to what BubbleGoesBoo says and see what you can suggest if you don’t min.

 

Thanks everyone for replying on this board it has been useful and it has made me feel slightly better.

Former Member

Hi @Past User, 

I hope you're doing ok. What happened to you, and everything else related to it sounds like  a lot to have to deal with at once! Do you think it might help to take a few days off work? It sounds like the other teachers are supportive and would be understanding if you said you needed time to process everything. Taking time off wouldn't be admitting defeat, it takes time to deal with this kind of situation and when you're working on top of everything else it's not possible to take that time. I'm not surprised you're feeling scared to go out alone after what happened. That doesn't mean he's "got to you", it's just you wanting to avoid the risk of bumping into him again, which is completely understandable! I think it probably is sensible to avoid going to the same area when you're alone for a while, or just trying to go only when you're with other people. If you do have to go out alone though, stick to busy areas. Your confidence is bound to low right now, but you'll build it back up again, don't worry. Try to let your friends and family in and tell them how you're feeling, because they'll be there to support you. Did the parents of children you babysit ask you about what happened yesterday? 

-Lizzie

Former Member

Hi Candlestick56. Thanks for the reply. I’m not okay too be honest, I had to write the statement today and its been hard to relive what happened. I am 50;50 about what I want the outcome to be right now, but I don’t want to wait to know any longer. I don’t think it will help to take time off work too be honest, I want to try and keep going. The teachers would be supportive if I did need the time off, but I want to keep going as much as possible as it helps to have a distraction sometimes. I am scared to go out alone and I guess I see what you’re coming from and that it isn’t that he has got to me. If I’m out alone I will make sure there are other people around. My confidence is at a real low point right now and when I had a terrifying experience before it took a while to get back to being confident again and I don’t want that to happen again. I have let some friends know and they are understanding what I feel like and trying to support me. I’m slightly anxious about work tomorrow too be honest after what I’ve gone through today. I didn’t tell the parents of the children I baby sitted yesterday about what happened.

All these comments are really helping