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Social Anxiety- Situation at the pub today
Former Member
Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
So recently I have been struggling with eating in public since the fear that my eating disorder is coming back since helping my friend.
Anyway today I went out to lunch with some teachers at the school that I help at to the local pub and before I went I managed to have the confidence to speak to one of the teachers about how I was feeling about eating in public and she understood where I was coming from and said she would keep an eye on things whilst we were at the pub.
Anyway there was a situation at the pub when half way through lunch I felt self conscious and ill and its because of a comment that was sudden made and it made me feel uncomfortable so I went to the toilets and then the teacher that I had spoken to came to speak to me shortly after and she said she was going to the bar so it didn't look suspicious. Anyway when she came to speak to me she asked if I was ok and I said the comment the other teacher just made was hard and she was like I guessed that would be so that's why I wanted to check you were ok and you are brave to come and eat in public when you are feeling like this just take it steady and I said thanks but its so so hard when I feel so self conscious and weak and then I started crying. she said I I'm so strong and I'm so sorry u feel like this and she then went back and said for me to wait a few mins before going back so it didn't look like we had been together talking.
anyway I've written this because todays experience was so hard and I don't know how to be able to deal with social situations when I have to eat again as I'm anxious something like today could happen again.
advice needed
Anyway today I went out to lunch with some teachers at the school that I help at to the local pub and before I went I managed to have the confidence to speak to one of the teachers about how I was feeling about eating in public and she understood where I was coming from and said she would keep an eye on things whilst we were at the pub.
Anyway there was a situation at the pub when half way through lunch I felt self conscious and ill and its because of a comment that was sudden made and it made me feel uncomfortable so I went to the toilets and then the teacher that I had spoken to came to speak to me shortly after and she said she was going to the bar so it didn't look suspicious. Anyway when she came to speak to me she asked if I was ok and I said the comment the other teacher just made was hard and she was like I guessed that would be so that's why I wanted to check you were ok and you are brave to come and eat in public when you are feeling like this just take it steady and I said thanks but its so so hard when I feel so self conscious and weak and then I started crying. she said I I'm so strong and I'm so sorry u feel like this and she then went back and said for me to wait a few mins before going back so it didn't look like we had been together talking.
anyway I've written this because todays experience was so hard and I don't know how to be able to deal with social situations when I have to eat again as I'm anxious something like today could happen again.
advice needed
0
Comments
Heya
Sorry to hear about what happened.
. Its really nice you had someone so supportiv with you!. I understand the fear of eating round others & i also hate it & will do anything to never eat round others & i have anorexia.
Do you mind sharing what the comment they made was?
Why does eating in public make you feel self consious? Is it fearing something will happen; embarrassed about what youre eating, eating too much or too little, spilling food, eating too fast ect and being judged for it? The small amount of times i have eaten out -i just think of the worst case situation happening, then thinking of how id handle it & how like spilling something isnt a major thing. & i think about how others are also too self absorbed to care about what im eating. And i try to rationalise the thoughts. Obviously harder said than done tho. I think you managed today, the best you could at the time though? & never easy when feel unconfortable
Ive also found it pretty helpful to focus on how the food tastes & be mindful which can be a great distraction from anxiety. And i mean there are ways to try to manage anxiety but not nessacerliy the solution if the cause is quite deep. And something to try to seek professional help for if its all getting too much or to keep reaching out to someone else & talk about it?
All the best
Thanks for the reply.
Yeh what happened for me yesterday was extremely hard but I'm glad I had someone there who was really supportive of me. yeh I struggle to eat out in public and I also struggle to eat sometimes in general as well. I am here if you ever need to talk about how you are feeling.
the comment was for me to eat up because I was eating slow but that's how I have to eat, the teacher who said it had no idea about how I was feeling though. the teacher is now aware of how I'm feeling and she has apologised for what she said yesterday because the teacher who I spoke to about how I'm feeling spoke to her this morning as they both work in the same class room and it happens to be the class that I help in. I feel self conscious when eating in public because I feel embarrassed about how little I'm eating!! thanks for your feedback of what u do when you go out and eat in public. thanks for saying you think I managed well yesterday the best I could, it was really hard and I just hope now that teacher knows it be sorted. I have a feeling I'm anxious about eating because of having to help my friend through what she went through (see other post) which has triggered things for me. I want to seek professional help but at the same time I cant get there without speaking to my parents and I don't feel ready to do that yet.
All support needed x
Thanks for sharing this with us. Shaunie gave a good reply and I'd like to echo the sentiments about being sorry you had a difficult time.
I think that you were very brave to put yourself in that position knowing that you'd find it hard.
And considering the comment I think you dealt with it well, its lovely that you had someone to support you too.
You don't legally or technically need to speak to your parents before seeking professional help. You can go to your GP without parental consent, and they may be able to point you in the right direction. But, of course if you'd feel better talking to your parents first then give yourself the time you need. You don't need to push yourself too hard.
Could you try some small steps, perhaps going out for snacks with close friends every now and again, and doing what you are comfortable with. Or going out for food with people who know your finding it difficult so you can build up confidence?
How you feeling about it all at the moment?
Thanks
PuffinEthics
Thanks for the reply. I agree Shaunie gave a good reply and thanks for saying you are sorry to hear I had a hard time too.
I have been going to the pub with them on a regular basis but its only the last couple of weeks that ive been feeling worse about things when ive eaten out. The comment was hard but thankfully the teacher who made the comment now knows how I feel about eating out and she is there to support me too.
I know I don't legally have to speak to my parents before seeking professional help but because I cant drive it will be hard to have the transport to go to the GP without parents knowing unless I get public transport and even then I have to make up some excuse for where I'm going in order to go. I feel I need to get the help as soon as possible and I don't feel ready to speak to my parents.
I like the idea about taking small steps. I go out on a weekly basis with the teachers and now 3 of them know it makes me feel better about going out with them.
I not feeling good about my eating right now, I'm just hating feeling like this.
Thanks for the reply.
yeh I'm having a rough time lately and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. yeh the situation on Wednesday at the pub was hard for me. I have arranged a doctors appointment for 22nd but I don't know how I'm going to get there considering I cant drive and I don't feel comfortable speaking to my parents at the moment.
I have spoken to 3 teachers about how I'm feeling and they are there if I need someone to talk to which is good. they all know that I'm trying to seek professional help and the fact that I don't want to talk to my parents about it yet. I have just contacted them to let them know about my appointment to see if any of them can take me but it still means I have to make up an excuse for going out. I don't feel there is anyone else I can talk to right now about how I'm feeling.
thanks for the information.
Lozza x
Is there anyway you could get a bus to your appointment? If you don't want your parents to know just yet could you tell them you're going out with people from work? I'm sorry things are so tough right now, but you're doing so well reaching out for help! I'm glad you have people to support you too
I am going to try and get someone to take me to the appointment and if not then ill have to get a bus to the appointment unless I have the confidence to speak to my parents before then which I doubt I will. I cant say I'm gong out with people from work considering my mum works in the same setting so she will think its weird. I'm going to have to make up some kind of excuse but not sure what yet. I am really struggling to go out in public right now since what happened on Thursday as it really knocked my confidence, I really need the support right now. I'm glad the teachers at school know how I'm feeling about eating in public and they are supporting me with that and I feel I can talk to them about anything.
Sorry to hear that your eating disorder is coming back - it can certainly have a firm grip on your life, so it's something you need to address!
I think the key is to understand why you're afraid. What specifically are you afraid of? It'll be easier to tackle this fear if you can narrow down the cause, rather than fighting a vague term, that's for sure! Is it judgement over your appearance? Is it the feeling that others are watching you? Is it the social environment? Whatever it is, tackling that element is the key to fighting this fear.
I think that seeing a counsellor or therapist could be very useful here - this kind of situation is exactly what they are best at, so it's something I'd definitely consider.
I know it can be hard, but one thing you could do is take a break. When things get too much, it can really help to go to the bathroom or outside and take a breath. Let yourself calm down and relax, recompose yourself, and then return - if needed, you could use the pretence of "I had to attend a call". It will take time to learn how to manage it, but starting by pinpointing the cause will give you something specific to handlex
Much love
Hi @Azziman
Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I know my eating disorder is coming back but I am going to the doctors about it next week so hopefully that will help, and I can get the help and support I need. Thanks for your advice. I just have the fear that people will be judgemental about my overall appearance and, I feel others will watch me eat. The teacher that made the comment in the first post now knows how I feel about eating in public and she is being supportive along with 2 other teachers. I am seeing a doctor next week to talk this through because its only recently been bad again and I really don’t want it to get worse and into a state where my friend ended up. Thanks for your advice and it helps in this situation that 3 of the teachers know how I’m feeling anyway about eating in public so they are all there to support me and if it does get too much they are there to listen. I will use your techniques if things do get hard.
Thank you