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Should I tell someone?

Former MemberFormer Member NoobPosts: 186 Helping Hand
in Health & Wellbeing
(Mods - I don’t know if this is the right place to put it so please move it if it is not.)

So basically I’ve been talking to this guy for about a week or so. We met on an app that’s aim is for people with mental health issues or other problems to talk and support each other. It’s like Facebook but not so much. I use it quite anonymously. The only thing people see on my profile is my age and gender. 

Basically I’ve been having a really hard time of it so we have decided to meet in a few days time. We are meeting 100 miles away from my home and I don’t know if I should tell anyone I’m going. I briefly spoke to my victim support worker a few days ago I just mentioned it in conversation and she didn’t seem concerned. Then the next day she rang me saying that she’s worried about it and me and she’s worried something might happen to me as I’m “really emotional and vulnerable right now” (her words not mine)

I’m not sure like I feel okay about meeting up with him and I don’t think he would do anything as I talk to him about my past and all my trauma and he seems to understand. We have only been talking on a friendship level and nothing more. I feel like if I tell someone then they will try and stop me but I feel like it’s something I need to do right now. I only have like 3 friends who are all out of the country right now and will be for a few weeks. I’m just not really sure why I’m writing this post in the first place. I guess I wanted to see other people’s views on this. 

Sorry.. 

-ShatteredSecrets 

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    heey ShatteredSecrets :)

    I would definitely tell someone you're going, just for your own safety, If you're dead set on going if you just text someone when you're on your way there and explain where you are going and what time you will be back. You say all you can see on profile's is age and gender, how do you know they are who they say they are? Are you meeting him in a public place? Personally i think it's good meeting up with others who struggle, they really understand where you're coming from, but i would be very weary about meeting someone online. Also take care of yourself first!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Noob Posts: 186 Helping Hand
    We also talk on Snapchat too - he’s been asking if he can just come to my house to meet instead on a different day as my family are going away next week. Not really sure what I think about all of this. I just don’t really know who to tell about it seeing as I don’t really have anyone I feel I can trust with it. 


  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,103 Boards Champion
    Hi ShatterSecrets,

    I know you've been speaking to him online, but you still don't know this person so well. You need to be careful - he might be a kind person with no wrong intention, but don't take that risk unnecessarily. Definitely tell someone where and when you're going, so that they know that you've gone. Even then, your doctor is right that you are "emotionally vulnerable", so do be careful on meeting - make you do so in a public place so that if something happens, there are other people around to help! Personally, I wouldn't even go - you don't know anything about this person for sure - but it's your decision. If you don't feel comfortable with going, then don't - safety is much more importantx

    Much love <3
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User, 

    Echo @Azziman and @Past User here, it's not worth going if you can't tell somebody where & when you'll be there and be home. It sounds like you'd like to meet up with him, which could be nice, I would just be very wary with someone you haven't met before. I also would seriously avoid letting him come to your house, especially if no one is in, and especially the first time you meet. 

    Any chance you could get on Facetime/Skype with him beforehand so you can actually see his face and hear his voice? Also Facebook can be quite good to check someone's "normal"(ish)? 

    - Lucy
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Noob Posts: 186 Helping Hand
    He doesn't have Skype or any social media other than where I met him and Snapchat. 

    Thanks for your replies though

    - ShatteredSecrets
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited June 2018
    ShatteredSecrets said:
    He doesn't have Skype or any social media other than where I met him and Snapchat. 

    Thanks for your replies though

    - ShatteredSecrets
    That sounds a lil bit dodgy. Personally i wouldnt meet someone like that either. Without full well knowing it was them. Cant you ask them to quickly make a skype account? Not gunna take long as good for peice of mind or even give them a quick phone call, cause im guessing they have a phone. Has he ever shared anything on snapchat that shows he is geuine? He could be really old or something. As i can imagine a mental heath site can be a place where these sort of people will go to find vulnerable people. 

    if youre going to meet him- dont meet him at your house- meet in a very public place.

    Its your descion though. I just think its always best to be v careful with this sort. Ive heard some horrible stories.  He could just be genuie though

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Noob Posts: 186 Helping Hand
    Hi guys,

    so it happened today. I just wanted to check in to let you know that. I don't really wanna talk about it right now but will pop back either tomorrow or the day after to talk about it. Thanks for caring enough to reply.

    - ShatteredSecrets
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 74 Budding Regular
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User

    I hope all went okay. Feel free in your own time to tell us how it went if you'd like to. 
    I'm sure everyone on the thread would be glad to listen. Thanks for checking back in with us. 

    How are you?

    Thanks, 
    PuffinEthics
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Noob Posts: 186 Helping Hand
    Hey,

    I'm not doing too well if I'm being honest. It really went quite wrong. I mean at first it was okay. Things seemed fine but then it turns out that he went there with the expectation that something was going to happen between us. I really thought he was different and that I was clear enough beforehand. I told him we were just friends and I just needed someone to talk to. I guess maybe I did lead him on. I just feel so stupid and hate myself so much and I don't feel good about anything anymore. All I seem to want to do is hurt myself all the time. 

    - ShatteredSecrets
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,103 Boards Champion
    Hi ShatterSecrets,

    I'm sorry to hear that things didn't turn out as well as you'd hoped. You're not to blame here - you were simply expecting something different than what you saw, and that's not your fault. Please, don't let this one event keep you down. You need to get back up on your feet and keep moving forward - you're stronger than you think!x

    Much love <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    I'm really sorry to hear it turned out like that  :/ but please don't blame yourself, you said yourself you were clear with him beforehand and it did seem like you could talk to him as friends. Unfortunately I've experienced pretty much the same thing with lads (even ones I already knew) - please don't feel stupid or that it's your fault because it's not. It's his fault. And if he doesn't just want to be friends then that's such a shame but it really is his loss. 

    Sending hugs.  <3

    - Lucy
    Post edited by TheMix on
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