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Im 15 and he’s 20, is that okay?

tash_10802tash_10802 Posts: 4 Noob
edited May 2018 in Sex & Relationships
hey,
this is is a bit long so bare with me, a couple of days ago I was coming home from London with my older brother, a family friend and their former student. It was about 11:00pm and all the trains to Peterborough were cancelled so we all had to get a bus to Cambridge, get off at hitchin and then get a bus that would take us to different towns that the Peterborough train would’ve taken us to. Once we got off at hitchin I saw the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen and I kept glancing back and we made eye contact a few times, we then Started talking a bit and ended up talking and flirting kinda pretty much the whole journey home. I felt slightly guilty though since I never soecified my age and I was wearing a dress that made me look older + I always talked about school in the past tense, but I thought we’d never see each other again and so no harm was done.

in the end though we gave him a lift home and I realised he actually lived quite close to us, once I got home it was about 2:00 and just before I went to bed I added him on Facebook. I woke up the next morning to a message from him and we then talked for a couple of hours, still flirting and began to feel even more guilty since we got on so well and was scared I’d lose him when he found out. I decided that I had to tell him before it got any further and so I ended up surprising him at his house and telling him and he said he was fine with my age and that he wanted to meet up soon, this all sounds great except my whole family would disapprove and I hate lying to them, also I’m not old enough to drive and he doesn’t drive it seems like it would be almost impossible to meet up without my family knowing ( I live in a place where there is hardly any public transport). The more I think about it the more nervous and anxious I get since I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and have no idea what I’m doing whereas I’m sure he has way more experience, I also know that I’m quite easy to pressure/manipulate into doing things that I don’t want to and I’m scared that that will happen with him, even though he hasn’t done anything so far to show that he will and everything so far seems to be genuine. I’m feeling isolated and kinda scared/ worried so any advice would be much appreciated.

Natasha x

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Noob
    Hi Tash and welcome to The Mix. :)

    While it's not unusual for friendships to have a 5 year age gap or more, alarm bells are ringing while I read the second part of your story. You have hardly known the guy for more than a few hours, and that is not nearly enough. It seems unusualy that he wants to meet you again, and as soon as possible. Also you said 'this all sounds great except my whole family would disapprove and I hate lying to them' - any parents would be alarmed, so bear this in mind because they care for you.

    Another thing you admitted, 'I get since I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and have no idea what I’m doing whereas I’m sure he has way more experience, I also know that I’m quite easy to pressure/manipulate into doing things that I don’t want to and I’m scared that that will happen with him'

    If you and him were to get together and go beyond flirting, start cuddling and get feeling aroused, then sex could happen and afterwards you would feel terrible. Another thing is you'd be underage to have sex, so he would be breaking the law. Just saying.

    Emotional problems can arise from first-date sex when one is not ready and clearly, since you say of not having had a boyfriend/girlfriend or experience, then I strongly suggest you do not meet him! This may be hard on you, especially since he must have sounded so sweet on the phone talking to you for so long. But you got to be sensible here, and I feel you two should take time to get to know each other first. Good friendships, they start when when we take time to get to know each other, and that can lead on to a deeper friendship given time. I suggest you and him do this. There's no harm in developing a friendship that way. However -

    Never meet someone alone! So many things can go wrong and you are only 15. If you tell your parents they will probably put stop to your seeing him. If you go behind their back, then you will be deceiving them, and probably be disciplined.

    If you have to meet him, let a close friend know and have their phone number on speed-dial. Meet in a public area. Never go to his house! Things could go so easily wrong for you. Given that the guy is super attractive, I question his motives choosing someone with little to no experience.

    For the time being keep your friendship platonic.

    Best wishes,

    Mandy


    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • tash_10802tash_10802 Posts: 4 Noob
    Thanks so much for the advice Mandy, it’s reassuring to hear that I’m not being crazy for not feeling fully confident meeting up with him just yet. Also, If you or anyone else reading this has any advice on how to communicate that I’m not ready to meet up and would rather just talk and get to know each other better first to him that would be great, thanks.

    Natasha x
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Noob
    edited May 2018
    Thanks so much for the advice Mandy, it’s reassuring to hear that I’m not being crazy for not feeling fully confident meeting up with him just yet. Also, If you or anyone else reading this has any advice on how to communicate that I’m not ready to meet up and would rather just talk and get to know each other better first to him that would be great, thanks.

    Natasha x
    I'm relieved you're being sensible in not meeting up with him. That could cause your friends to worry and your parents also. Have to say this, but he sounds a bit creepy in wanting to meet you 'soon'. If he is so attractive, he should already have other girls interested in him so why does he want to meet you?

    For the time being talk on your facebook or other social media, but be wary of texting/chat on your phone. It could lead to phone sex.

    Please take care.

    Mandy


    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 514 Extreme Poster
    Hi Natasha,

    I'd be very careful with what happens here. The gap in age isn't really a problem - plenty of relationships work with a 5 year gap. The fact that you haven't known him long at all, that he's very eager to see you again despite being told your age, and that you admit that you're prone to being manipulated, all are red flags that this is a very risky situation. To add to that, if you don't think your parents and family would approve, there's probably a good reason for that - if they find out, not only would you be told off and your relationship broken, but he could also be sent to prison for being sexually active with a minor (if it got that far). Personally, I don't think it's worth risking your good relationship with your family and your self-admitted vulnerability to manipulation, all for a stranger that you don't know at all. But, the decision lies within your handsx

    Much love <3
    joanne
  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,336 Fanatical Poster
    Hiya :) 

    I'm worried about how soon you are meeting up too, it is fairly soon and while age gaps are okay i'm a bit concerned.
    Particularly because of your age.
    5 years between adults isn't a problem, but you're not even the legal age for consensual sex yet and the fact that you're young and he knows are easily manipulated might mean he may try to take advantage of you.

    I'm not making assumptions so please don't think i'm being mean particularly to him as i don't know him at all.
    Just be careful and wary. Maybe spend more time talking online and be careful, don't send nudes or engage in phone sex, sending nudes or receiving them under 18 is illegal and you might get blackmailed with them.
    Just be cautious x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "Maybe it's not my weekend,  but it's gonna be my year" ~ All Time Low

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
    joanneSholay09
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