Secret emotions

Former Member

For the past nearly 6 weeks I lost someone close to my family. I only ever spoke about this once on the boards that was 4 weeks ago. 

Doesn't hell that i am also going through some crazy relationship and identify crisis to do with my sexuality so hey thats all fun   

Some of you might now me to be strong or the joker of the group ... to be honest through I haven't been well for 3 weeks now. I haven't been haven't had many nice thought recently, I have done some mild things as well as many late nights.

One question how many times have you ever seen me ask for help in the past 6 weeks?

You could count in on one hand I think it's been 2 or 3 times on here.

Long story short all I am asking is just please when will it be my break from it all. 

[Deleted User]

I so sympathise with how you are feeling, for it's not easy to express how we feel and also I have had many late nights due to anxiety and personal self-doubt. So you are not alone in this.

If it helps, our sexuality doesn't define who we are. Either we are attracted to men, women, both or anything else.  Either way, there might be something inside you (or even me) that wants to change and my advice would be to just let it happen. Let the world deal with it. As long as you hurt no one else, everything is fine.

You like me will always have our ups and downs. While we may never get a break from it all as you asked, we can still help make a difference to the lives of those we know, and you have helped a great many, @Abigail

Former Member

Floxy said:

I so sympathise with how you are feeling, for it's not easy to express how we feel and also I have had many late nights due to anxiety and personal self-doubt. So you are not alone in this.

If it helps, our sexuality doesn't define who we are. Either we are attracted to men, women, both or anything else.  Either way, there might be something inside you (or even me) that wants to change and my advice would be to just let it happen. Let the world deal with it. As long as you hurt no one else, everything is fine.

You like me will always have our ups and downs. While we may never get a break from it all as you asked, we can still help make a difference to the lives of those we know, and you have helped a great many, @Abigail

Your late nights won't be for the same reason as mine. I lie awake worrying if everyone in the house is safe, alive and that tomorrow might just be that little bit easier. I am meant to be on half term this week ... what break do i get? No break! Out with friends is the biggest break i get. 

I'm sorry to say me and you are very different. You might think because we are 'both' musicians that makes us similar trust me it doesn't. The same means having a lot more than that in common with someone. 

[Deleted User]

Abigail said:

Floxy said:

I so sympathise with how you are feeling, for it's not easy to express how we feel and also I have had many late nights due to anxiety and personal self-doubt. So you are not alone in this.

If it helps, our sexuality doesn't define who we are. Either we are attracted to men, women, both or anything else.  Either way, there might be something inside you (or even me) that wants to change and my advice would be to just let it happen. Let the world deal with it. As long as you hurt no one else, everything is fine.

You like me will always have our ups and downs. While we may never get a break from it all as you asked, we can still help make a difference to the lives of those we know, and you have helped a great many, @Abigail

Your late nights won't be for the same reason as mine. I lie awake worrying if everyone in the house is safe, alive and that tomorrow might just be that little bit easier. I am meant to be on half term this week ... what break do i get? No break! Out with friends is the biggest break i get. 

I'm sorry to say me and you are very different. You might think because we are 'both' musicians that makes us similar trust me it doesn't. The same means having a lot more than that in common with someone. 

Fair enough that we're different. Everyone here is and it's not a big deal. But my late nights are worrying that tomorrow I'll be able to make financial ends meet and the only way I'm a musician is by busking to bring money in. I also worry during nights that Sophie will be safe and that she grows up good in my care. I have a big responsibility being 'mum' to her, and my worries over self-doubt never end. Your worries may be different to mine, but they're still worries.

I don't manage to get out with friends though it's nice occasionally. There again, I have very friends anyway.

What therefore makes us similar is we play a musical instrument and if that is all we have common in, then I'm grateful.

I hope you find peace in yourself, sometime.

Azziman

Hi Abi!x

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. With something like this, time is usually the healer of our wounds. Let your emotions be - if you want to cry, or rant, then let it out - it's better than bottling it up. Perhaps a counsellor would help down the line if you find yourself needing a little more help processing what's happened, or if it is affecting you a lot for longer. We're here for youx

Much love

Former Member

Azziman said:

Hi Abi!x

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. With something like this, time is usually the healer of our wounds. Let your emotions be - if you want to cry, or rant, then let it out - it's better than bottling it up. Perhaps a counsellor would help down the line if you find yourself needing a little more help processing what's happened, or if it is affecting you a lot for longer. We're here for youx

Much love

Hey @Azziman

Thank you, for the kind words. I do have a counsellor at the moment. Not to sure how long for but it will be what it will be. I ended up sat cry after tonight's chat. Oops!

Hope your well and understand this software more than I am. I am struggling so muxh with it. 

Speak soon

Abi

Former Member

Hey @Abigail I think you did brilliantly when beta testing the previous Vanilla forum gaining badges and points, so no worries too much about this new software. Sure, it's a bit more advanced and I know it seems a struggle, but give yourself time to get used to it. When feeling frustrated with the new stuff, come away and take a break. Overall I think you've been doing very well during the weeks I've been away, and as Azziman said, time really is a healer.

There's nothing weak when we cry, so let it all out. I believe you're stronger than you realise. Stronger than me at present, I tell you. You're a good and loving carer, too.

Counselling does help even though during the sessions it can be difficult. Some advice here, but after a session go somewhere quiet, listen to some uplifting music and digest what your counsellor told you. My therapist stresses that after a session with me. Tells me to go somewhere peaceful so I don't talk to people lest they inadvertantly undo all that I learnt, what she said is effective.

Bottling up strong feelings makes us tense and irritable, so coming here to get support here will really help.

Wishing you all the best,

- Belle

Rayofhope

 Hi @Abigail

How are you feeling?

 It sounds like things are particularly hard at the moment and your struggling. Losing someone close to you can be a really difficult process and can take time to be able to adjust. Well done for opening up and talking about it on here even though it can be really hard to do.

It can take a long time to know who we are or who we want to be, but its fine that when you decide and know you are allowed to be whoever you would like to be.

I hope you are able to find a few days where you a free to do whatever you would like to do and not have to worry. Do you have anytime planned to meet up with friends or do something by yourself?

Here for you.

Rayofhope

Former Member

Rayofhope said:

 Hi @Abigail

How are you feeling?

 It sounds like things are particularly hard at the moment and your struggling. Losing someone close to you can be a really difficult process and can take time to be able to adjust. Well done for opening up and talking about it on here even though it can be really hard to do.

It can take a long time to know who we are or who we want to be, but its fine that when you decide and know you are allowed to be whoever you would like to be.

I hope you are able to find a few days where you a free to do whatever you would like to do and not have to worry. Do you have anytime planned to meet up with friends or do something by yourself?

Here for you.

Rayofhope

Hey @Rayofhope

Feel a lot better just working some things out for work and on here to see if it can still do everyhing. At the moment it's 2 rest days and then working the weekend then back into full time college. 

For the time being I am just going to work on talking with my boyfriend and just wait till we spend more time together and see how it goes. Being asexual does have it' advantages and it' disadvantage and it doesn't come with an easy on off switch sadly. 

Hope your well

Speak soon

Abi