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What's the point?

ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets NoobPosts: 186 Boards Initiate
I honestly really don't know what the point in life is anymore. It's just too hard and there seems to be nothing I can do to stop all the bad things from happening. I was sexually assaulted 10 days ago. I am not coping. Today I went to a SARC and that was honestly more traumatising than what happened to me. Nobody believed me, it was like they were trying to tell me what to do and they could not see things from my point of view. I just want to forget but it is eating me up inside. My meds aren't working. I'm always self harming, I can't stop thinking of ways to make the pain permanently stop. I just need help and nobody is able to provide that. I just feel like I've been left abandoned. I just don't want to do this anymore. It's not fair and it's way too fucking hard. All of my relationships with people are failing. Counselling waiting lists are too long. I just want all this pain to stop.

I just can't cope anymore.

I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Shaunie

Comments

  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Shattered secrets

    I am really sorry to here that your feeling this way it must be really hard. I am sorry to hear what happened to you it must be really hard. How are you feeling today? Well done for going to the SARC, its dreadful to know that they weren't helpful and that no one believed what has happened to you. We believe you! Do you have any other support around you at the moment?

    We are here for you, keep talking.
    Rayofhope:rainbow::rainbow2:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    Honestly not good. The suicidal thoughts are hitting me hard. I tried ringing the crisis team and that was useless. I've got different people but not sure. I have victim support on monday but last time i spoke to them they broke my confidentiality so not 100% sure if I can open up to them anymore.

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Moderator
    @ShatteredSecrets Hey,

    I'm really sorry to hear that your having an awful time, thank you for reaching out.
    I'm sorry that the SARC was a bad experience for you and that you didn't feel supported.

    From what you've said it seems like all of the actual help seems too far away, or like its hard to access.
    There are some specialist charities that provide services that could help https://rapecrisis.org.uk/rapecrisisspecialistservices.php
    There is some access to different types of support there, but equally you could look at this https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/?ctaId=/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool/slices/using-this-tool/ which may be of help more quickly. I know you said the calling a crisis team didn't seem like much help before.

    I'm sorry that you feel no one is listening, we're listening here at the mix.
    When you say you've got different people but your not sure, is it that your not sure about confiding in them?
    You're welcome to talk here, we're here to listen. Sharing on here my be a good outlet for you?

    You deserve good solid support, and you deserve help. I can only imagine how difficult it is to cope. And taking the step to go to the SARC was brave and despite it being a bad experience you should be proud of yourself for going. They shouldn't be pushing you into doing anything in particular, you have no obligation to do what they suggest either, just put yourself first, whatever works for you.

    What are they doing for you at victim support, is it kind of like a counselling session, if you don't mind me asking?

    It may take some time to get counselling or other face to face support, but in the meantime it's important to make sure you're looking after yourself, if you can do small things to give yourself a break, or distract yourself by doing something with a friend or family member, even the smallest thing, that could help.

    We're here for you.
    Thanks for sharing,

    - Puffin Ethics :rainbow:
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    Yes I’m not sure in confiding with them.

    Victim support is just emotional support but not counselling

    Today has been hell and I can’t cope. I’m struggling to keep safe and I’ve now been blocked from contacting Samaritans bc I’ve been doing it too much. I feel like I’m in absolute crisis and nobody wants to help or listen

    I just can’t cope anymore and I feel so scared.

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 892 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi ShatteredSecrets

    I'm so sorry to hear that you have been through this, I can only echo the others when they've said well done for reaching out to go to a SARC, that's such a big step and so disappointing they didn't seem to help. How are you feeling about everything now? *hug*

    I know it's really rubbish right now, I know from experience, but I can only say that things will get better somehow. We're all here if you want to talk :heart:

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    Honestly things just keep getting worse and it seems like there’s no way out or any way to fix things.

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Moderator
    I'm really sorry to hear that @ShatteredSecrets

    There may be no easy way out of your situation and how you feel right now, and no straight forward way of fixing things but are there small things you can do just to help yourself get through? 

    You're going through an awful lot, and you should make sure you give yourself time to think that carrying on with a bit of normal life is something to be proud of yourself for. 

    Have you looked into any of the routes into counselling? 

    We're here for you. 
    - Puffin Ethics
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    I've looked into it and still waiting for counselling. It's been 7 months and have another 2-3 to go. 

    Today I was told there is nothing else anyone can do for me so it feels like I have hit the end of the road.

    Just can't see any light at all anymore. Or hope. I just...

    I feel so utterly and completely done. 

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 948 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey ShatterSecrets,

    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Whenever something like this happens, it makes us feel awful. But, this wasn't your fault - if it was completely your choice, you wouldn't self-harm or choose to be a victim of sexual assault. These events may have knocked you down, but you need to get up and keep fighting for your happiness - don't let these setbacks stop you from going forward. I know that the waiting list can be painfully long, and it can feel lonely sometimes, but we're here for you to support you. Please, keep fighting - we're with you every step of the way!x

    Much love <3
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