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Going on holiday in summer
Invisible_me
Posts: 164 Helping Hand
Hi there.
So in July my family are planning to go on holiday and I don't want to go. I'm just so anxious for it. Like yeah it would mean I'm not sitting at home for all the 3 months when I finish in uni. But I'm too shared to go on holiday.
I remember last year I was so bad before going extreneleh anxious and just felt like something bad was going to happen constantly. And then felt low and it all feeds in. I so don't want to go.
We are going to see family, I don't want to though.
They have already booked the tickets and everything what do I do? I feel scared telling my parents I don't want to go.
Anyone help...
In-me
So in July my family are planning to go on holiday and I don't want to go. I'm just so anxious for it. Like yeah it would mean I'm not sitting at home for all the 3 months when I finish in uni. But I'm too shared to go on holiday.
I remember last year I was so bad before going extreneleh anxious and just felt like something bad was going to happen constantly. And then felt low and it all feeds in. I so don't want to go.
We are going to see family, I don't want to though.
They have already booked the tickets and everything what do I do? I feel scared telling my parents I don't want to go.
Anyone help...
In-me
0
Comments
Your mention of tickets suggests going away. Is this to another country, or to another part of the country you're in? Whatever, I would go if just for the change of scenery. And you might find interacting with family you haven't seen for so long, quite uplifting. Take some books to read, go on nature walks, grab a camera to take any pictures, even. And how about for your holiday, take a notebook and pen. For why?
Use this time away to write a list of the good things in your life, and the things you don’t want in your life. Also in your notebook, write a list of things you don’t have but want, but make them realistic. These could be simply picking up hobbies, going out and seeing friends more, earning more, learning something new like a country craft, or set about plans for meeting new people, even doing something you always wanted to do, and then anything else you’d like to change. These possibilities are endless.
Okay, so for some time you've been feeling down about life in general. The reason for you being upset could simply be because you are unhappy with your lifestyle, where you are in life, what you’re doing, even. So allow this holiday with your parents to change things round a bit, and you will have the time allowing to do it. Just try it, make an effort, okay? Once you've sorted out priorities in life - you have to work for them! You can’t sit there on your bum complaining that you can’t get there, if you don’t try. Work towards the things you want in life and you might not get everything - but you'll get some.
Wishing you all the best,
~ Belle
Sometimes we have to obey our parents because if we don't, it will cause a lot of hurt and unhappiness. Thinking only the best for you, they assumed you wanted to come and paid for your tickets. Mine wouldn't have. They'd have made me pay out myself. So, putting aside your anxiety, hop on the plane or whatever and go. You might actually like it. I can't see any parent expecting their child to be with them 100% of the time like a ball and chain. As Mirabelle said, go off down the pub one evening, play a game of darts and a have a pint or two.
Lots of us have anxiety, but we have to get a grip and try and overcome these things. Give in to our anxieties and they win. As a rule, if I get the anxies, I'll make a cuppa tea. Tha'll soon chase them away.
-Floxy
Hi In_me,
I think that being alone at home for 3 months without any family around would cause more anxiety, than being out and about with family! I know it's a new place and it can be daunting, but give it a chance. Most likely, nothing will happen, but if you're constantly anxious that something bad will happen, then you're more likely to slip up, which will only confirm that anxiety and make it worse. Give this holiday a chance, and expect that something may go wrong, but that you and your family are capable of resolving it! I'd definitely get on that flight - spend time with your family, because you never know when it might be the last time you're with someone!x
Much love
Thanks for your messages. However it does seem that my post wasn't clear enough (understandable). I break up from uni and all assignments (apart from re-submissions) in June and don't go back till like end of sept. Therefore it's a 3 month holiday. In this (summer hols) my family are planning and already payed for a abroad holiday (quite a distance away) for 3 weeks.
I understand i'm justified (by law) not to go if don't want to go, but in our family/culture it doesn't neccersarily work like that. Until you leave (marriage) you are part of the family and expected to go by it.
Yes, Although, it could be nice seeing family not seen for a while I have found that since the last 4 years my relationships have broken down (since my difficulties).Which makes it harder because all I ever constantly hear from them is "WHy you are not eating?" "when you going to gain weight your too slim" "oh, when you going to get married, you'll soon get married? Which one? Who? Where" "People your age are like this and all active, you're not...?"and questions to do with uni and everything else that goes with it. THey are all too busy with all those comments etc.. that don't help. My nickname has become "sad/depressed soul" and it just does my head in. Being constantly around that! Which is why I don't want to go? Because I'm not away from my difficulties, with those comments- does this help explain my anxieties. Also, when I went last year I don't want to say but something happened that made me feel physically uncomfortable!!!
Over the past 4 years, my anxiety over going has just worse and worse. First just airports, then the 'unclenlinuess and now it's the constant fear that something bad will happen. I know it Is somewhat irrational but my brain completely believes it and everytime my parents potentially go out or something 'not normal happens' it just gets worse. My mum went away from home for a couple of hours today I was at uni anyway but I still felt very on the edge.
I know how, "a lot of people suffer from anxiety and all have to get a grip" and that " we have to work for it, and not sit there" But I just feel i'm fighting a lost battle and feel so alone! Everyone feels like I am complaining- I am not! I just want things or my difficulties to be understood. But it seems like everyone dismisses everything. Just want to curl up away and never ever come out.
I'm sorry.
But how do I face it all, or not go!
Overcoming anxiety has to be worked on. I used the breathing exercises that Belle mentioned in Post Of The Month. It really does help, and right at the time when we need it most! I look back and see how far I've come when having to deal with anxiety. It has with time got better, though at the time it didn't seem so. People though, they have criticised me just as they doubtless criticise others. It's just the way that life is, and how difficult people can be, especially family whether your's or mine.
But what can help at the time is making ourselves more comfortable, and one way of doing this is make a cup of tea, eat a banana or have a glass of lovely chilled milk because these foods do help, especially the calcium in milk to steady our nerves. Tea is reviving at any time of the day. For a short time I lived in India where the weather during monsoon time was atrociously hot and humid, I'd drink some chilled buffalo milk straight from the fridge. Like Indian people, I made tea in a saucepan like is traditional in the country, and go sit somewhere comfortable. Where I lived was sparse, sitting on a rug on the floor with few creature comforts, trying to make the best of how I felt. My family had a colonial house and they lived the culture of the country whether I liked it or not. They left me to it in a similar way I should imagine that your family does.
When we have no choice but to look after ourselves, it can be strengthening. I look back to then and see that it was not impossible to take care of oneself, and I ask of you to try hard and see how well you also can stay above it all - it's not impossible, you know. Throughout our difficulties we have to try and find a way forward. In the mornings try and meditate for like, 15 minutes? Do those breathing exercises, read a lovely book or if you have a faith, then the book that has given you daily comfort. Take an hour at a time if you must. And take that holiday because being all alone for theee months is not going to help you a lot.
Hi there,
Sorry for not replying on this thread for a while- mNay a reasons.
Over the time, the fear of going has got no better, and I just feel so scared, I just don't want to go but nevertheless I kind of have to go for other people. It's hard to explain the amount of emotional distress I feel there- I feel more aware of my difficulties there and low there than here its crazy!! Right for a couple of years of "taking it as it comes" "and just get on and go" But how... it's just no, I don't want too- I already feel crap because of uni I don't want to feel even more crap for not fulfilling
Hi. The above message, I sent in error half-way.
… I don't want to feel even more rubbish for not -'the expected cultural norms' It makes me feel so lonely and left out...-every time I go I'm just re-enforced.
I'm scared about the journey as well -its so long- over a day. it just exhausts me, I don't want to feel that tired. I always get ill when I go naturally due to the change in environment- I don't want to be ill. Plus the anxiety of airports, planes and transfer. Just why would I want to?- don't want to go!
Thanks
In-Me
Hi @Floxy,
I know I can't let my anxiety feelings rule my life etc... but at the same time, I just geniuenly don't want to go.
Those examples, have somewhat just made me feel even more bad and a failure for not being able to do it.- Already have parent's who say that to me.
I won't and can't find words to explain why?
prob will help having something. Uphhh I just feel i'm going to break before and during-was really bad last year.
Anyway thanks.
In_me
being anxious is one of the main things of going on holiday because it's just part of the experience as you don't know what to expect and what things are going be like compared to your home country.
What's the main thing your anxious about though? like planes or being in a different country etc...?
Do they know about your Anxiety? Its very difficult to tell people about it, especially parents. You could write it down or ask them to sit down with you because you have something important you want them to understand. They can help you get through this, its hard to tell them but you only have to say it once. You could even show them the pages here about Anxiety.
I don't mean to hurt the feelings of anyone who wrote, 'just go and you'll be fine', but Anxiety is different for everyone. Some people can focus on a situation and temporarily get though events that others with Anxiety might shake or panic during. Its a complicated issue and unfortunately can control parts of our lives for a while. Find a good doctor to help, explain to them your symptoms and you will be able to get through this, it just takes time and effort.
I know its already July, so chances are the holiday is over, but please let us know how everything went and how you are feeling.
Hi L100
Thanks for reply.
Things anxious about:
- The long journey- Planes (will it land there due to heavy rain, diversion, safety), Airports (just hate them along with planes).
- The whole living style there is different. Time difference, food, environment everything!!!
- Don't like the comments/remarks that are often made by the relatives etc... THey can be rather upsetting.
- Don't like It when non-relatives eg: drivers act too personal. His been our regular driver everywhere, but loves to interefore with everything and his like always coming over to our house and I just hate it- Then his always saying stupid stuff to do with me and my comparision to other people. (I am hugely diferent to what you expect from a normal person my age due to my mental health difficulties and ASD).So nor does the ASD help with all the change
- It's just whenever I go, I am just having to hide away in the toilets and cry etc...
Hope that helps.
Hi @Eyepatch,
Thanks for reply. Support.
SOunds weird like I don't want to go but at the same time probably better than staying here stuck in the house for the whole summer holidays. It's like I am in a dilemma now. But yeah, If I don't want to go and all too much, mihg tjust be best to bedirect with them. We are getting the house done while we are away so it's a good way to get aaway from all the dust and noise and chaous. I'm getting worse every summer holiday it seems.
My parents know about anxiety, It]s been an ongoing problem and will be long-term. Parents aren't alwayssupportive/ I guess its hard for them to know exatly how to respond and the cultural lack of understanding doesn't help where it very much undermines/dismisses mental health probs.
Thanks for that. Anxiety is different for people, and doesn't always disappear. The GP is good and understanding, so that's something. I am under a mental health service but very much at the point of discharge but they can't officially discharge me because a request was to put in for them to continue seeing me. THey only see me like every 3 months so not much use.
I am going on Thursday and will be back late august.
THank you for your understanding. x
Im glad the GP is helping, would you be able to ask them if you could be seen more frequently? Its pretty hard to sum up three months in one session. Could you ask about switching to monthly? Or write down all the events and bring them to the GP so you don't forget what you want to talk about.
You can recover from anxiety, but it won't happen over night. Keep doing little things to challenge yourself and remember you have got though all your holidays so far, there is no reason you can't get though this one.
Hey thanks for reply,.
My parents know that I am quite anxious about it, though this week I have settled down a bit. That's quite true. See what happens? Another thing I sometimes do that I was given, was like braking it up, Like I break the journey up into many different stages: eg: 1. getting out of house, 2. upto airport etc... and then regularly say to myself like this many out of this many completed. Which I have sometimes found helpful.
THe 3 month sessions are with a phychaitrst. Who was going to discharge me back last Jan but a point was put forward from the college saying that it would be best for them to keep me on due to the mental health state I was in and the transition to uni I was facing. While in college I had weekely sessions with phycologst who I got along with but then she dishcharged due to 18 so since then it's been a bit messed. So I see the GP more than I used too... But obviously she's limited. Phychiatrist sees me that less because she's not sure I need help, and is using the 'dismissive technique'.
But yeah, impossible to sum it up it's so hard... I write things down keep a regular diary but still hard to sum it.
Fingers crossed, Let's hope... I think the post above my previous post to you, explains a bit more in depth my anxiety's.
Thanks again @eyepatch.
If you are not happy with your Phychiatrist you can request a new one, but that does mean meeting a new person and having to talk about yourself all over again. Plus talking to your GP about wanting a new person and why, which could be stressful.
You can get through this
Reading your list it seems like a lot of your anxiety is caused by the differences in your surroundings and how others react to those changes compared to how you react to them. If you think this might be part of it then try finding similarities, do the people here buy the same brands of clothes as at home? Are there any shops that are the same? Try thinking of these little comparisons and then slowly think of things that are better here than at home. Anything at all no matter how small, like here they have a great view, or here there are more places that sell ice-cream.
Spotting small things you feel are familiar may help you deal with the changes of being in a different place. You could even imagine how this new place would be discribed if it was a discription in a novel, then you can focus on finding comparisons to home which might help you relax a little
Take care of yourself
Hiya @Eyepatch.
Thank you for your reply- I found that really helpful
. Bless!
I broke the whole processs right from getting up in the morning on Thursday, till bedtime we get there and in total its about 15 steps. including getting up in the morning, getting through the small major events, transfer/connections, and the car journey. Which I know sounds like a lot, but like some of them are (easily achieved).
Rightly summerised actually. yes, I'll have a go at that thanks...
-More icecream shops back down there.
I'll have a think!.
Thanks again @eyepatch.
I'll let you know how it goes, when I come back in late august. You take care as well x
-
Looking forward to hearing how it went!