Christmas without nan

One-in-a-million

So it’s almost Christmas and ive been quite cheerful. It has felt weird not getting my nans present like I’m used to doing. And I brought the wrong card say merry Christmas nan and grandad. But I was ok. Until today. On a normal Christmas morning we would get up and open our presents then after a couple of hours dad would go fetch nan and grandad up to sit with us and have dinner.

Well...... that’s just it he won’t be, he’ll be picking my grandad up but no nan this year. This really hit me this afternoon and I felt that lump form.

One less present, one less dinner at the table, one empty seat and glass.....

Why didn’t this hit me until today. I know I haven’t ignored it because when I went to get her present I had to stop myself and while it hurt, today was more of a punch in the gut but why?

Former Member

Hey One in a Million,

Hope you are doing ok, it sounds as though it's quite confusing why it's hurting much more at the moment with the loss of your nan. Perhaps it is a cumulative thing? Lots of little reminders of memories of her and things you would do together at this time of year that has built up to this moment?

This time of year can be a difficult one as traditionally it is so family orientated, you mentioned that at other times, it hasn't hurt so bad, can you think of anything that helped at those times to reduce these feelings? We have an article over on The Mix that looks at things that can help with dealing with important days after someone has died...have you thought about trying any of the things suggested/has any of these been helpful?

Hope things have been feeling better this morning, but remember, there is no right or wrong way of coping with losing someone close to us. These feelings can creep up on us, stay with us a short or a long time, or even never come at all. However you experience this, it's okay. We are all here to listen if you want to talk

Former Member

Hi One in a Million,

I am sad for your loss of your nan, but can empathize similar feelings when a friend died on me. It was at this dreadful time of the year which her parents find so difficult. Christmas time evokes memories we would rather not have. It only take a little thing to make us cry or feel sad and helpless.

Perhaps you could find a place where you feel safe and private to be alone without feeling that others are watching or listening? This could be anywhere. In a park, or by a river or in a pretty village, or go off somewhere in your car if you have one. I am doing this, too, because my sister and I are about to lose our Mum.

You need to get some 'me time': time to recharge your energy levels so you can cope better. We are all different in the way we react towards bereavement, so don't think you are unusual or different. Sitting quietly on a peaceful place may greatly help you, offering solace during this unexpected time of great unhappiness.

I wish you all the very best.

Julie

Former Member

Hey @One-in-a-million,

Totally empathise here. I lost my lovely Nan this year too and thought I was coping quite well until a couple of days ago when I had a little cry while watching the Grinch (of all films)... Because she loved that film and we always used to have a giggle watching it. Got to thinking about how much I miss her and how unfair it is that she's not here with my family this Xmas. I think it's pretty normal to feel this way around Xmas because there's more time to think and more memories to look back on. For me, I'm finding it comforting to re-visit all those memories while trying to keep a smile on my face, appreciating having so many years with her and remembering how she would want me to feel (she'd say, don't you worry about me, enjoy yourself!!). I hope you can find comfort in your own way too

Here if you want to talk *hug*. Also the article @Edward8 posted is really good, worth a read.

- Lucy :rainbow:

Former Member

Hey one in a million.

I dont really have words but I wanted to offer you *hug*s

Former Member

Hey one in a million.

Giving you lots of hugs for today!! Hope you have a nice Christmas xx

One-in-a-million

Hi guys thanks for all your messages we had a good Christmas thank you. I suppose it was the realisation of her not being there. I’m actually feeling a lot better about it now

Thank you again

Emma

Rayofhope

Glad you had a great Christmas. How you feeling at the moment?

Rayofhope

Past User

The user and all related content has been deleted.

One-in-a-million

Thank you all it’s been strange but we have all made the best of it.

Thank you