Being criticised for not having children

Former Member

I find it strange and puzzling that people have criticised me for not having children, because a) it's not compulsory and b) the large majority of people who are my age and live in the UK don't have children. There are huge numbers of people who are twice, three times or four times my age who don't have any. One person said to me: "Everyone I know had their first kid when they were 16 or 17 - how can you be in your twenties and not have no kids!? That don't make no sense!" Even if what he's claiming is true of the people whom he personally knows, surely he realises that having a child at 16 or 17 isn't average or typical?

I'd heard of people who are well into their thirties or older being criticised for not having children. I'm also aware that in some ethnic communities it's frowned upon to not have children at a young age. However, I'm in neither of those categories.

Jellyelephant

I think you need to stop obsessing over random things that other people say to you - all your threads are "people say xyz to me"

Maisy

I think that because so many people have children, it's kind of become the 'norm' and so anyone who doesn't have children, may get questioned about why not. I'm in my twenties and my aunty told me to get a move on in terms of dating and children. I laughed.

Former Member

Jellyelephant wrote: »

I think you need to stop obsessing over random things that other people say to you - all your threads are "people say xyz to me"

They're specific things that many people have said to me. If they were one-offs, I wouldn't be bothered about them.

Not all of my posts are on that theme. A lot of unfair criticism is thrown at me and I'm trying to work out how to deal with it better. I don't know whether or not these things are common. If they are, then it's almost certain that other people on here will have encountered the same problems and I might be able to copy their strategies for dealing with or avoiding them.

Former Member

Maisy wrote: »

I think that because so many people have children, it's kind of become the 'norm' and so anyone who doesn't have children, may get questioned about why not. I'm in my twenties and my aunty told me to get a move on in terms of dating and children. I laughed.

Did she just mention it once, or say it to you on several occasions? Is she the only person who's said something like that to you?

Former Member

It doesn't feel like small stuff. I'm expecting this sort of criticism to increase as I get older - imagine how horrified some people will be if/when I reach 30, 35, etc. and still don't have children!

I wish I could convincingly pretend that their unfair criticism doesn't bother me - that might reduce their sniping at me.

I've often thought that people should have a pet before considering having a child - it's good preparation.

I've heard many people say that they prefer their pets to their children and that when they get home, they attend to their pets before their children.

Former Member

It's difficult to get sterilised if you don't have children. They should allow people who have or are carriers of genetic conditions to be sterilised regardless of whether or not they have children. However, they'd then be criticised for bringing in eugenics.

Maisy

Robert wrote: »

Did she just mention it once, or say it to you on several occasions? Is she the only person who's said something like that to you?

​Thankfully, just the once. But I think that will increase as I near my thirties because, according to her, you're one third less fertile at 30 (and that's the same age my mum had me). Though I know that's not the same for guys And she wants to be a great-aunt. At the same time, no-one else has said that to me since no-one else cares whether I have children or not.

Former Member

Aidan wrote: »

Ah, eugenics, that brings back memories of a heated debate in biology once. I was the only person against it, because I thought genetic diversity was the only way for the human race to survive. Now, I'm 50/50 about it, because I can't see the human race existing into the far future regardless

Eugenics doesn't prevent diversity. People would still be varied in appearance, personality etc. It's about reducing the incidence of genetic mutations and the ill-health that they cause.