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Siena
Posts: 15,680 Skive's The Limit
I want to die. I honestly have had enough. I've tried and tried to get better. I feel like falling to the floor and crying and just staying there til I'm old and die.
I dont fit anywhere, in any social group. And I wasn't meant to be born. I've lost all friends and no one could give a shit.
None of this matters and nothing is real. There's no purpose for anything. It's like some twisted sick game. Of a world put with suffering and see if we can survive.
It physically hurts. And i can't take it. Like why. I dont know what to do anymore or where to start. Or where to pick my life up from. It's just such a mess.
Yeah I'm only 18 doesn't mean I have happy years ahead and it doesn't stop the fact i could never get better or 'cured' from depression.
Just needed to get it out
All I'm seeing to do is think of suicide and just picturing how I would do it
I am safe and sorry if it's triggering
I dont fit anywhere, in any social group. And I wasn't meant to be born. I've lost all friends and no one could give a shit.
None of this matters and nothing is real. There's no purpose for anything. It's like some twisted sick game. Of a world put with suffering and see if we can survive.
It physically hurts. And i can't take it. Like why. I dont know what to do anymore or where to start. Or where to pick my life up from. It's just such a mess.
Yeah I'm only 18 doesn't mean I have happy years ahead and it doesn't stop the fact i could never get better or 'cured' from depression.
Just needed to get it out
All I'm seeing to do is think of suicide and just picturing how I would do it
I am safe and sorry if it's triggering
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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Comments
Harriet
I do have support offered but I dont really want it. I can't be bothered with all the dissapiomemnt.
I'm not sure if this goes against thr rules so please delete if so. It's not really about suicide so not sure.
I feel like doing nothing and i just want to stab myself in the stomach so i can't eat and just want to cut all my fat off. I can't take it. I feel disgusting, overweight and all i can see and feel is fat
Harriet
I have thoughts like that too but often people who say this are not fat at all. It would be something very dangerous to do. Maybe think of a healthier option such as joining a gym or swimming?xx
And thank you lost sense
You're right it was dangerous. I'm so lazy, I hate exercise even if it does mean losing weight and i can't swim ah 😂xx
It sounds like you were having a really low night last night. I'm sure you know this, but it can often take several rounds of treatment to really recover from eating issues, so perhaps it's too harsh for you to expect yourself to be better after one round? How are you getting on today?
Hoping today will be a better day *hug*
- Mica
It's going to be really hard with two years of support to suddenly nothing
I just keep uncontrollably crying and shaking. I dont know what im doing with my life. I cant stay on a bus without my mind racing and end up getting a stop of early cause I start crying.
I go from never being able to cry and feeling numb to the only thing i do.
I gave life a chance and put on hold suicide. But I think it's been long enough now and I really can't go on.
Who am i kiding that i will be able to help others when I'm so extremely shy and a mess. I can help people by lifting weight and my trouble of off them. There's no purpose for me now. And I thought my family cared they only showed they cared in hospital. That kept me going now but what's the point. There isnt.
Harriet
Sorry to hear you’re not feeling great again. It’s really great that you came back to this thread to get some support J. I think a lot of people on the boards can relate to your feelings of numbness, and maybe even the feeling of crying so much. Although it’s frustrating to cry so much, maybe it’s what your body really needs. I often feel some emotional release after a good cry. That said, perhaps consider some breathing and grounding techniques to help yourself calm down. If you happen to have a pet, I find it helpful to watch them breathe and then breathe with them. Or put some soothing music on and try to focus that.
It sounds like you’re pretty nervous about being discharged. Is it possible for you to be honest with your team and make them aware of how you’re still needing support? I know you’ve mentioned in the past that you don’t want support, so perhaps you can write it down beforehand to make sure you mention it—or even print this thread so you don’t have to explain it all again (I realise that might be an extra scary option, but it’s just a thought).
Since the boards aren’t really set up for crisis support, if you find yourself in a really unsafe headspace, you might consider getting in touch with Samaritans or Papyrus.
It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling so poorly considering everything you’re going through. We care for you and are here for you! Best of luck at your appointment.
Mica
I spent the whole meeting crying to the point I couldnt breath properly. I dont know what to do now. I domt want to go home and live my life. I just want to end it.
I have just stayed on the bus and dontnkno where it's going.but I'm guessing all the way round. What do i do. I'm so upset and sad and can't think straight.
Thanks
I want to stay safe but I'm so upset and dont see any other way.
I dont kmow if you can go to hospital if you physically fine but jist suicidal or they would just look and laugh at me . But im so scared
Thank you x
I haven't been completely discharged from services. They gave me an appointment with personality disorder service in case i change my mind.
But I was discharged from the ones who referred me - mental health team. And i hate hate goodbyes and being discharged. I hated with CAMHS, with NSPCC, intensive support team, crisis team and even in hospital. I hate building relationships with people to then be referred to someone else.
Now ive for discharged from mental health team. And soon will be discharged from eating disorders. I was to upset and could barely breath yesterday so I didn't really have the time to say thank you properly. Now I'm feeling really guilty about it. And i know i will til I do say it. I want to ring in just to say thank you but i don't want her to pick up the phone and think "thought I got rid of you" but it will ease my mind. So im not sure what to do. I hate guilt
So it's not the exact same thing?
The EUPD criteria are listed on Wikipedia's page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderl...ality_disorder it is split into two types, impulsive and borderline.
Here are the BPD criteria: https://bpdfamily.com/content/border...ality-disorder
Whichever manual is used, most people who have personality disorders also have other mental disorders. Many have more than one personality disorder. That makes things more complicated and treatment more difficult.
Theodore Million, a psychologist who specialised in personality disorders, said that they have subtypes. For BPD they are: discouraged, petulant, impulsive and self-destructive.