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Last night.. :(

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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Arghh ive had one and a half hours sleep. Have to go to mental health team for an assessment while looking to admit me then would have another assessment up the mental hospital but hopefully wont take too long as they have the info from this mornings assessment. The shit i did last night.. Havent got head space for assessments today. I am cracking inside.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    hope the assessment goes ok kayden x
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    How was the assessment Kayden? If you've had it?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    It went shit. Got assessed, got sent to mental hospital, got assessed there then sent home and told if you want us ring us.. so one min they want me admitted then hours later they dont give a shit. What a waste of my time. Im off to the shop for alcohol..
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Their so underfunded it's ridiculous. Call the crisis team at any time. And im not sure where you live but theres 111 number and option 2 for a few places. Which is for mental health crises and is quite new. If you look it up there some information. I've never rang them but been told about it.
    Do you think you need to be in hospital?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Things is, i cant go to my local a&e as my abuser works there. Had to be taken to a&e in a diff city last night.. police wouldnt care they would just take you to the closest one.. they are deffo underfunded. I have to attend their recovery unit tomorrow dont even want to leave the house. I do think i need to be back in hospital..
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Could you not ask to go into hospital? I'm not sure
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How are you feeling tonight Kayden? If you feel you need to be back in hospital is there anyone you can talk to about it? Hope you are okay x
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    I did ask. I thought about it on the way home after they mentioned it then decided i would but when they saw me again it was diff people and they were like no. They know my meds are not working and didnt even offer to increase them etc. I was so ill early hours of this morning.. voices non stop. ran away from hosp with the crisis team chasing me in the dark, couldnt think clearly or string a sentence together without the voices trying to control me..
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Probably cause hospitals are really not a good place to get better but if your seriously at risk then you should. When i was sectioned at the time I had no idea why but now I realise and greatful for them basically saving my life but now im out it's stressful. And really not a place to get help. But go a&e if you feel unsafe even if you are physically fine
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    I cant go to a&e.. mum works there. Im fleeing her, next closest a&e is a 30 min drive and i dont drive. Cant even get a bus there as its a diff city. Dont even know what to do to be honest. Just drinking to forget now. I do have zopiclone which they gave me tonight.. will take that after. Getting urges atm but nobody is in the office till tomorrow. Not like i can just go to the staff and say "oh, im having self harm urges".. "aww whys that".. "just thinking about my past".. cant even go into what in my past im thinking about as a lot of memories flashes really quick through my mind
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    http://www.cpft.nhs.uk/about-us/mental-health-crisis.htm
    Ah sorry. Not sure if this could help.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Thank you, i just had a look. Im not sure if it would apply to me as im in wales. I will check with my support worker tomorrow. Thank you!
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    micamica Deactivated Posts: 98 Budding Regular
    hey kayden,

    Just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing. It sounds like you had a really challenging night last night, but it's really positive you've acknowledged that being in hospital might be the best place for you right now. Hopefully you will be able to get a bed in the near future once you express your interest.

    Hoping today is a better day for you,

    - Mica
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Mica they are assholes. They offer me admission at 2am then at 5pm say no. Everyones a joke and i have nothing to get me through this weekend. Im better of dead.
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    DreaDrea Posts: 292 The Mix Regular
    Hey Kayden,
    Would you perhaps feel comfortable e-mailing your worker to tell her what's going on? May be good to let off some steam? Have you done anything nice today?
    Drea:heart:
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Hi Drea,

    Heads all over the place. Down seeing the crisis team. Waiting for them to finish an appointment. Have my running shoes on incase they try to section me. Not having that on my record again.
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Well, just got home. The crisis team didnt really talk about my plans, all they said about the plans were ring us if you need us.
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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    Hi Kayden,

    I'm really sorry that you've not found the crisis team helpful today. It's really positive that you went to go and see them today. There's a few bits that were removed from your post just need to keep things safe on the boards with our guidelines. The Mix are sending over a PM shortly to you. Stay safe Kayden.

    All the best,
    - Aife

    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    hospitals can't keep you stay safe even if you have plans, there's ways you can do harm to your and even end you life. Even in a empty room by yourself. They are probably helping and doing the best they can but they must think hospital admission won't be helpful. Cause theyre horrible. Which is why the let you go home. But doesnt mean they want you to do it cause you could either way. I hope you can stay safe this week.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Thanks all. Well.. i decided to take the bull by the horns. Spoke to the on call worker which turns out she is also a trained psychologist. She spoke to me about what was going on with the crisis team etc and said that the way they have treated me is wrong.. she said i need to be care managed and offered therapy. So she just phoned the crisis team and told them that i need to be care managed and told them how ill i actually am. She told me its not my fault for the way that i am, its my illness. Shes now left me but shes waiting for a phone call back from the crisis team who are reading my notes as i type this.. may find out more tonight, she said she has my number.
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Just heard back.. isnt it funny when a psychologist who is also on call contacts the crisis team they actually do something instead of palming me off with "try sleep, try distract yourself".. crisis team said they are going to have a meeting tomorrow morning and discuss what they are going to do with my case then, and try and push for me to see a psychiatrist. Unless this on call worker contacted them they would of just discharged me and left me to it. I also told the on call worker about the plan i had and that the crisis team just said call us if you need us and didnt offer any support. Guess i have to wait and see what happens when i wake up.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    KaydenK wrote: »
    Just heard back.. isnt it funny when a psychologist who is also on call contacts the crisis team they actually do something instead of palming me off with "try sleep, try distract yourself".. crisis team said they are going to have a meeting tomorrow morning and discuss what they are going to do with my case then, and try and push for me to see a psychiatrist. Unless this on call worker contacted them they would of just discharged me and left me to it. I also told the on call worker about the plan i had and that the crisis team just said call us if you need us and didnt offer any support. Guess i have to wait and see what happens when i wake up.

    Hi kayden.
    Seems like you want support. So maybe apart of you don't want to go with the plans which is good to read. Correct me if I'm wrong.
    Hope you get the support you're looking for
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    How are you today Kayden?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    Shaunie you are right a part of me doesnt but it seems like its my only option. Cant take it anymore
This discussion has been closed.