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Can't see a doctor.
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am sure I have both depression and anxiety but I cannot see a doctor, I have a really bad fear of leaving my house and many times even leaving my room is difficult, the last time I left my house for any reason was about 2 months ago and before that another few months. I have had suicidal thoughts for the past few years, I understand that I need help but I can't do it, I can't even speak to my parents about it.
For a bit of background on me, i'm 17, male I dropped out of college about a year ago because I was depressed and stupid.
Someone is probably going to reply with something along the lines of, "Only you can help yourself you just need to man up and do it" don't bother typing that, I already tell myself that constantly i'm just too lazy and worthless to do anything beyond complaining to strangers online, at this point I feel like I might as well kill myself before I end up homeless.
For a bit of background on me, i'm 17, male I dropped out of college about a year ago because I was depressed and stupid.
Someone is probably going to reply with something along the lines of, "Only you can help yourself you just need to man up and do it" don't bother typing that, I already tell myself that constantly i'm just too lazy and worthless to do anything beyond complaining to strangers online, at this point I feel like I might as well kill myself before I end up homeless.
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Comments
Firstly, I can assure you no one will fire those sorts of unhelpful and condescending comments in your direction here. We're a pretty understanding bunch, and I'm sure a lot of folks here will be able to relate to a lot of what you're talking about. With social stigma involved, it can be even tougher opening up about this stuff as a guy so I tip my hat to you for reaching out to us.
It must be frustrating knowing you need that support but not being able to leave the house for it - I can see your predicament. I know you said you can't talk to your parents about it, but have you been able to confide in anyone at all offline? Close friends, for example?
Leaving education for the sake of your mental health is a totally legit decision to make, by the way. I dropped out of college when I was 18 and can relate a lot to those internal voices about being lazy, etc. It's really tough not to listen to those, and even more so when you're hearing them from others too.
How are things going more generally? Is there any kind of support you'd like - maybe with a web-based service?
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this, so sorry to hear it's been going on for a while now too. I was going to ask the same question, but Mike got to it before me, have you told anyone at all offline about how you are feeling? If you haven't, that might be something that can help if you it is someone you can really trust like a close friend.
I wanted to know if you'd heard of the The Mix group chats? They are a space to get and give support in real time, and also a general space just to talk about random rubbish. There are lots of people out there who can be of help to you, I know it's difficult to talk to people and be open about your feelings so well done for posting on here! It's a big step.
How are you feeling today?
Generally things are going alright at the moment, I haven't seriously considered suicide in a few weeks but i'm still miserable, I spend all of the time i'm not sleeping behind a computer and every time I try to improve I fail and feel more miserable. "Is there any kind of support you'd like - maybe with a web-based service?" I think I am okay just posting here for now if that's okay.
I have heard of the group chats but I don't think I want to join, at least not for the moment. Speaking with lots of strangers in a live chat would be overwhelming. I'm feeling okay today Elle, thanks for asking.
Posting here for now is more than okay - whatever you're comfortable with.
We actually have a Men-only chat that happens once a fortnight, which might be of interest. The group is usually very small, so there's lots of space and time to talk things through. If you're interested, the next one will be the Tuesday after next (8 -9:30pm). But of course, no pressure.
I can actually relate to some of what you're talking about, so it's interesting for me to think about. I'm not sure if this is feasible for your situation in particular, but something I've often found helpful is to commit myself to something (for example, make a plan with a friend) so I feel more of an obligation to go and do that thing rather than leaving it solely up to the way I feel at the time.
That said, small steps can be just as valuable. So if, for you, it's a stretch to talk to people online like you are doing now then props to you, and that's still progress and still shows that you're motivated to move forward. I guess just any goal that's reasonable for you - do you have any ideas for ones you could set yourself?
I agree with Mike about making commitments with others so that you feel more obliged to go out. Otherwise, slowly easing yourself into it and taking small steps regularly can help. For example, if your fear is severe and you haven't left the house in a while, start really small. Every day just spend a few minutes either out in your garden, or on your doorstep. I know that it can feel intimidating, so feel free to take your phone or something just to help you stay outside. Slowly increase the time over a week, and try to wean yourself from any distractions like a phone and pay attention to your surroundings. After a little while, you may notice that it's not so bad and you'll get used to just being outside for short period of time.
Then you can try to challenge yourself. Perhaps walk down to the edge of your house, or the edge of your street. You don't have to spend a lot of time outside, just slowly increase the distance every so often. After that, you can plan small trips like a few more roads, or into town and then slowly increase the amount of time you spend outside.
It can sound overwhelming but just focus on little steps everyday. What helps me is to remember that it's only for a few minutes, and it'll be over before you know it. I've also noticed that, especially on warm, sunny days, I feel a bit better going outside. Remember that the more you get used to going out, the easier it gets!
Thanks for replying Maisy and Mike I know you mean well.
I'm probably never going to visit the site again so don't reply.
I know you said not to reply but I just wanted to let you know that this thread is now closed, and also that you're welcome back any time. If you'd like to re-open this at any point then just PM @The Mix and we can do that for you.
It was brave of you to reach out, and you're certainly not worthless or wasting anyone's time here. Take good care.