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this girl confuses me and i can't seem to figure her out..

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why did it take her 2 years before she became interested in you? How long did her last relationship last?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Her last relationship lasted for 3 months -.-

    I used to be a soldier, so I had few time for social business. But i returned to the civilian life now. After her last relationship she just texted me, she took the first step.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you and she talk about each other's feelings a lot? Do you have a lot in common with each other?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    I have a question for you - how quickly do you expect this to move and for you to become girlfriend/boyfriend? In all reality, 6 weeks is not a long time to get to know someone and start sleeping with them.

    My current boyfriend and I didn't become properly in a relationship until about 3 months of dating - I think we started off with "Dating" and then being "lovers" and then finally brought out the couple/relationship word a few months later. We were taking our time getting to know each other (though our sexual relationship had started earlier).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's very often said that the third date is the most common time to first have sex with someone new. Of course, a third date could be anything from the third night after the two people meet, to being after years of knowing each other first before going on dates.

    Royalcurse, have you gone on many dates with her? I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't - I'm merely trying to understand your situation better, so that I can better advise you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Purple_roo wrote: »
    Hi,

    I have a question for you - how quickly do you expect this to move and for you to become girlfriend/boyfriend? In all reality, 6 weeks is not a long time to get to know someone and start sleeping with them.

    The lack of sex isn't the OP's only problem with her - it's also her mixed messages. She chooses to spend a great deal of time with him, but still can't decide whether or not she wants them to be bf&gf. It's like a relationship but with bits missing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Robert, we are going on dates often. Like once or twice a week. We don't talk a lot about our feelings though and we have rather much things in common.

    Purple roo, i don't mind giving her time. I'm merely confused by the fact that she acts like we are already in a relationship while she says she finds it hard to forget her last relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Royalcurse wrote: »
    I'm merely confused by the fact that she acts like we are already in a relationship while she says she finds it hard to forget her last relationship.

    Yes, it's like she wants pieces of a relationship, rather than the whole thing.

    If she makes up her mind that she does want a relationship with you, could you see yourself being with her for years?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can, that's why i'm chasing the relationship. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's used to acting like she's in a relationship, so those actions probably come quite easily to her despite her not necessarily wanting a full blown relationship yet.

    How would you be expecting her to act differently if you weren't in a relationship but she was interested?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The confusing thing is that she's giving and demanding a huge amount of time and emotional intimacy that is more like what it would be like for a couple who are well into an established relationship, yet without the sex (for the vast majority of the time) and without the bf & gf identification.

    I thinks someone who were interested but not in a relationship with someone wouldn't be as clingy and demanding of someone's time and 'emotionally coupley'. She wants bits of a full-time LTR rather than the whole thing. It sounds like she's still unsure.

    Royalcurse, has she been this way with anyone else? Does she know what she wants in her life in other aspects of her life: work, family, friends etc.?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Euhm, she told me that it is different with me for she never had a relationship with a guy she befriended before. It was always love on first sight. Now she wants to take the time to get to know me better for the relationships sake, if it's ever getting to that.

    She had rather the full view on her futur already, yes. We talk about that often and we know that we have similar plans.

    Oh and by the way, i confronted her with the fact she is giving and demanding lots of bf&gf love. She simply denied that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was love at first sight for her with everyone except you? Has she said why? Doesn't she find you attractive? What is it about you that's different to the others?

    Is she clingy and demanding with anyone else - or just with you?

    Do you and she say I love you to each other, use terms of endearment / pet names / nicknames etc. when you talk to each other?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She does find me attractive and she says she adores being around me. It is different because she's looking for a serious relationship now. She's tired of petty, 3 month lasting relationships and feels like its a good thing that she can get to know me even better as she does already. In doing so our "relationship" would be more solid.

    She is rather social with everybody, but she isn't that clingy to anyone else. If i should believe her stories she would never spend the night with someone she isn't in a relationship in.

    I am very careful with "i love you". We never said it to each other. We do however use terms of endearment!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you and she use terms of endearment only to each other - or do you both use them with other people as well?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With other people as well. But in a different way. It's hard to explain.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You say that she previously only had short-term relationships, but now she's decided that she only wants a long-term relationship. What made her change her mind?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She wants to settle down, get kids, move in together etc. Because her friends either got married or had children recently.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She just wants to copy her friends, so that she doesn't feel like the odd one out?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, it's not that. It just made her thinking about it and she'd like to have a serious relationship now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well robert, im happy to tell you that it is over. No more doubts, she told me that she thinks im to childish. I'd like to disagree, but i chose bot to argue with her.

    I thank you and the others for the attemps to help me.

    Talk to you guys later.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like she was undecided about you or was keeping you as a reserve all along. In any case, you clearly aren't suited to each other.

    You must be disappointed, so it's good that you're relieved that the incomplete relationship is over and that you're now free and fully single. It's better that you found out now, rather than after you had a child/mortgage etc. together.

    A lot of girls are very complicated.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That my friend is true. I'm rather dissapointed but time will heal that. This is for the best. Thanks again!
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    DreaDrea Posts: 292 The Mix Regular
    Hey Royalcurse,
    Hope you're okay. It can be really difficult to be involved with someone especially when they've just come out of a relationship. I guess this all just happened at the wrong time. If it is any consolation, it happens to a lot of people and you're definitely not the only one that has been in these sorts of situations! Hope you have a better day today!

    Drea:heart:
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