Rape advice

Former Member

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months now. Everything was going really well. I trust him and I know that he would never intentionally hurt me. Last Friday, we went out for a few drinks with friends. I had a bit too much to drink and he had to carry me home (he is always sober come the end of a night out). When we got home, I don't remember much. I remember him forcing me into oral sex somewhat. I probably wouldn't of remembered we'd even had sex if I hadn't of asked. He was defensive about it when I asked, admitted he had been sober the whole night and apparently I had come onto him. I don't remember giving consent and more importantly I don't remember wanting sex. I felt ill and had tried to go to sleep. But we'd ended up having sex. Is this rape? I don't want him to get into trouble. He's my partner and I love him a lot.

Former Member

It's best to talk to the Police, Rape Crisis or RAINN about this as they'll be able to tell you weather it was rape or not. Evaen if you just want to know and not proceed in the changes (as you said you don't want to get him in trouble). Perhaps you just want to know.

If you do want to report, you can do so anonymously through Fearless, and to find your nearest NHS rape and sexual assault referral centre here.

Maisy

Hey there,

​Really sorry to hear what happened with you and your boyfriend. Any time alcohol is involved and you are drunk, you can't really give consent to sex, so that would be rape. At the same time, whether you feel it's rape or not, is your decision.

​Though I understand it's not as clear as that, since you can't remember much and more conflicting if your boyfriend says you came on to him, when you say you felt ill and wanted to sleep.

​I know you don't want to get him into trouble, and it's understandable that you would feel conflicted about what happened since you love him so much. But I agree with Steph that it might help to talk to Rape Crisis or RAINN about what you went through.