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Chat Guidelines
TheMix
Posts: 3,134 Boards Guru
The Mix chat room is a safe and welcoming place to meet others, have a chat, and get support if you need it. Keeping it safe and welcoming is down to you. We allow a lot of freedom in chat but we do ask that you respect the group and communicate in a way that isn't upsetting to others. :yes:
GROUP AGREEMENT
Chat is a friendly place - I will be welcoming, respectful and ready to listen. Over time I might make friends with other chatters but if we're talking away from chat I agree to keep that separate and focus on the session I'm in.
Chat is a group environment - I'm prepared for a bit of give and take and I'll help to include everyone. I'll also make sure I consider what I say and how it may impact others.
Chat is a diverse place - We've all had different experiences and sometimes we might disagree on something, but that's OK. If I feel upset by something I'll self-moderate (take a break to calm down or use the ignore function).
Chatters often choose to be anonymous - I won't repeat anything I hear in chat elsewhere and I won't share personal contact details in the chat room.
Chatters who aren't able to co-operate risk being kicked out of chat sessions.
Read the FULL GUIDELINES HERE.
How can I give feedback about chat?
If you want to give your feedback about a chat session you've attended then please get in touch by using the feedback form
Positive feedback and constructive criticism welcome.
Happy chatting :thumb:
GROUP AGREEMENT
Chat is a friendly place - I will be welcoming, respectful and ready to listen. Over time I might make friends with other chatters but if we're talking away from chat I agree to keep that separate and focus on the session I'm in.
Chat is a group environment - I'm prepared for a bit of give and take and I'll help to include everyone. I'll also make sure I consider what I say and how it may impact others.
Chat is a diverse place - We've all had different experiences and sometimes we might disagree on something, but that's OK. If I feel upset by something I'll self-moderate (take a break to calm down or use the ignore function).
Chatters often choose to be anonymous - I won't repeat anything I hear in chat elsewhere and I won't share personal contact details in the chat room.
Chatters who aren't able to co-operate risk being kicked out of chat sessions.
Read the FULL GUIDELINES HERE.
How can I give feedback about chat?
If you want to give your feedback about a chat session you've attended then please get in touch by using the feedback form
Positive feedback and constructive criticism welcome.
Happy chatting :thumb:
Post edited by TheMix on
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Comments
This is exactly what I mean. I had this problem the other week where I was flagged for using the term "binge" and before I could start talking about how I was feeling I had already descended into trying to argue my point, it wasn't specific in any way, shape or form. With some subjects it's inevitable that people will get triggered but it's your responsibility as an individual to remove yourself from that situation. Same as you would do if it were too hot, you'd go somewhere cooler.
I get that you're trying to keep the environment as trigger free as possible but there is nothing wrong with using relevant terminology that is vague (enough as it is). We should have a bit more freedom considering it's a site aimed at young adults.
Also it is the moderators job in chat to in force the chat guidelines instead of users. Some users feel like they have to take over that job sometimes due to the moderators doing absolutely nothing. Us users seem to know so much more than them.
Well said
100% agree
Sounds good:yes:
Yeah, I mean don't get me wrong I agree with the addition to the rules surrounding disordered eating; it's good to have clear boundaries and I can understand the odd slip by new users who haven't used the site or spoken about it before it's an easy mistake to make. And with the whole users modding using, I know what you mean I've seen the conflict that it can cause because sometimes it comes across condescending and then people get frustrated.
Ayyy but if ya read the rulesss!! *inserts gif* lol
The Mix you posted a dummy thread but i cant see it. - just popped up saying i was mentioned in a thread in my emails
We have seen this, but it feels like there's a lot to cover so we're taking our time to make sure we cover everything. We'll get back by the end of the day.
@Jess101[/USER] [USER="98942"]Aidan[/USER] [USER="91975"]Salix alba - that was me posting in the private testing area to make sure some formatting was working properly - feel free to ignore the notification!
Mike
OMG!! I'm sat here laughing after sorting things out. I can't get over that picture and that (no offence) hideous jumper
Feedback is something we're always looking for, so thanks for all this! It's clear that you all care a lot about chat - there are always ways we can improve on things and hearing what you all think will always feed into our decisions in one way or another. No firing squad - you're all safe.
It feels like there are a few points here...
What constitutes as 'triggering'?
This is a good question, and one we're always grappling with.
Firstly, it's very subjective - what deeply upsets one person might be nothing to someone else. So right off the bat, it's impossible to have guidelines around this that suit everybody perfectly. One of the reasons we allow for a lot of freedom in chat is so that you guys can express yourselves in a way that feels comfortable and true to you. But on the flip side, for people to feel comfortable talking in chat in the first place, we need to make sure the room feels safe enough for them to do so.
Naturally, the key here is balance.
There are some things that we explicitly ask people not to talk about, such as specific methods of self-harm or any graphic details about it. As @Aidan pointed out, we've now shifted our stance on disordered eating to become more consistent with this and hopefully make it easier for both users and moderators to judge.
However, there are some grey areas. For example, the ways in which some things are talked about such as sexual assault or suicide, and even how far to push our sense of humour and light-hearted remarks. These types of things are much harder to give concrete rules for, hence why the main group agreement is quite vague.
Generally speaking, all we can ask from you guys is to use your best judgement. You're totally right - we're not mind-readers, so inevitably there will be times when someone says something that upsets or triggers someone else. We're not expecting everyone to weave perfectly around everyone's sensitivities or trigger words while in chat (because that would be ridiculous!), but instead to just do your best and stay conscious that the room is full of people who are affected by different things. If you do that, you're sticking to the group agreement.
Who decides?
Only you can decide what you find offensive or triggering, but what can or can't be said during a session is a decision that lies solely with the moderators.
That decision won't always suit everybody, but that's one of the realities of a group space like support chat. If a moderator makes a decision that you're unsure about, the best thing to do is to PM this account or leave us some feedback. During that session, it's best for the group to go with what the moderator decides rather than using the chat to debate that decision there and then.
Ultimately, there's a shared responsibility - the moderators are there to keep things running smoothly, but the chat space is largely what you guys make of it. if someone accidentally upsets or triggers you, it's important to understand that that person likely has the best of intentions and genuinely didn't mean any harm or disrespect. Equally, it's important to understand that we can't control what we're sensitive to, and that the feelings that can be brought up by certain language are very real for people.
As @Salix alba said, if someone brings something up that you find upsetting but isn't against any guidelines, it can be best to remove yourself from that situation and take a break, or respectfully explain what made you uncomfortable. Equally, sometimes you might be asked to avoid using certain words or talking about something in a certain way, and it's important to take that on board with an open mind. :yes:
Telling us what you think
It sucks to hear that a couple of you mention feeling 'silenced' by us as staff. If you feel that way, then rest assured that's never our intention.
We have a chat feedback form that anyone can fill out whenever they like, and we also do our best to get you all involved in any new developments with the service. A good example of this is the new GC we've started running on Tuesdays - that was built from the ideas you guys gave us at the start of the year during our GC consultation. Or even the new Gender & Sexuality forum, which came solely from you guys. We also run co-creations whenever we can.
Any changes we make to The Mix tend to happen quite slowly with a lot of planning involved, but as staff we make a point of getting your input wherever we can and listening to what you're all after. As @Jess101 said, we're always looking for your opinions on how to make the service better.
Hopefully this clears up some of the questions raised in this thread. We really appreciate your input - as said above, it's really valuable. :rainbow::rainbow2:
Of course, do leave any thoughts below. :yes:
Mike & the team
:eek2: ....
Mike
I spoke to another staff member within The Mix out of the community staff members regarding many things but mostly how the moderators are rubbish with enforcing the chat guidelines. Whereas some users get away with breaking the rules, for example talking about meeting outside of chat and others get jumped on straight away and told off. Where is the equality?
So just to clarify, we focused on the triggering/not triggering aspect of this conversation because that seemed to be the focus of most of this thread. That said, we can touch on some of the things you mentioned:
I've grouped these together as they seem like pretty much the same point - fair and equal treatment across the board. I know you mentioned this too, @Jess101.
What we will say is that this is always a focus for us. There is a bit of inevitable variation in group chat given that every moderator is their own person, and will read and understand situations slightly differently. Just in the same way that us three behind this account don't all interpret things or think in the same way, that's even more the case when we're talking about 20+ volunteer chat moderators. That said, boosting consistency is something we can definitely look into.
As staff, we always do our absolute best to ensure that this happens and people are treated equally. Any decision involves all three of us reaching an agreement. If you have specific examples of people blatantly being treated unfairly then we can discuss that privately, but to our knowledge, we're as objective as we can be.
Love the impulse here - it would be awesome if we could make our guidelines 100% concrete and crystal clear, but unfortunately this isn't realistic from a moderation standpoint. It would be impossible for us to cover every eventuality in our guidelines, so our moderators need to be able to use their own judgement when they feel they need to.
Like the spirit of this one - more collaboration is always a good thing. There are limits on what we can do based on community feedback, but this is certainly something we can think about.
**It's important to note that any 'action' or major team decision involves us spending a lot of time talking it though and working on it as a team, so we'll never be able to give quick, definitive answers to suggestions this big. Whether that's a new way for you guys to share your input or a change in how chat moderation works, etc. We sit down properly to review how everything's going periodically (chat break weeks are a good example of this), and when we next do that, we'll be taking aaaaaall of this into consideration - that we can promise. :yes: **
Does that make sense? Apologies if you guys were hoping for something a bit more decisive, but I hope you understand that these things take time for us to process. This input is still hugely important for us.
Mike & the team
We are young adults are your target audience so therefore we should get the majority of the say in services that are run at The Mix - yes co-creation sessions are great but not everyone can go to. What about co-creation sessions in the chatrooms? - at the end of the day im sure you want more ideas from us and that is a great way to do it.
@Jess101 - Yep, you guys are our target audience and we need your input, but there is a limit on the 'say' our members can have over how things are run. There are a huge number of moving parts involved in how our services work at The Mix (funding and staff/volunteer capacity, for example), and although we do try and collaborate with young people at every step, the reality is that not everything can be dictated by user-feedback and suggestions.
We actually do hold virtual co-creations on occasion, but admittedly not that often. We could certainly look into doing more of them in the future, if the situation calls for it. It's worth noting that co-creations take a large amount of planning and staff time, so we need to be realistic with what we can do. Thanks for the suggestion though - we can take that into consideration.
Fairness
Perhaps a wider point about favouritism and fairness is the subjectivity of those things, depending on where you stand. Depending on who you ask, and this is particularly true if people argue during chat, you get very different answers about what's fair and who's right or wrong. As moderators and as staff, part of our role is to try to remain above that and consider the entire picture objectively, and we're confident that we do that to the best of our ability.
One side-effect of being removed from community relationships is that we don't know the ins and outs of the relationships you guys have with each other. For example, someone swearing outwardly might look very harmless, but someone else in the room might believe that it's targeted at them for reasons the moderator isn't aware of. Moderators have limits, and usually these things are impossible to prove either way. In the interests of being fair, we can only work with the information we have in-front of us at the time.
Hopefully that makes sense.
Mike & the team